Just wondered what you all thought about this.

Last year we hired out a room, did a buffet invited lots of family over, not many other kids, couldn't afford to feed friends from baby group as well (this was mutually understood by all) so ended up with 20 adults plus a 5 and two 3 year-olds.

So this year we've found a soft play with a pub on the side and thought we would just invite people to either bring their kids to soft play (not arrange an official party or anything, more of a playdate) and then go next door so other adults not wanting to come to the play bit can join us and see Imogen if they want, and anyone not wanting to fork out for a dinner can make their excuses after the playing bit.

Is that a bit mean to ask people to come and buy their own dinner / pay for their own kids to come to soft play? Or do you think at the least we should be offering to pay for the soft play bit?

Bearing in mind this would be a week on Sunday and yes I am the most slack parent in the world ever

possibly a little bit mean seeing as they are paying to travel there and buy a gift..both birthdays Ive done we have had people here and put on a buffet and it doesnt cost that much .. we had about the same 20 adults and I think there was 7 or 8 kids

No problem, just checking.

I think for Imogen it would be a lot more fun than haing a buffet in a room again, but not sure where to draw the line as 20pub dinners could get a bit steep!

Yeh definitly could! Does the pub do buffets?

All the kds party's I have had have been at pubs like Brewster bear etc, you pay for a kids party and the kids get fed. If the adults want feeding they pay for their own x

I don't think you should feed the adults but I would pay for the soft play and get some nibbles for the kids x

Our local sports centre has a room called a creche that you can hire, it's basically a huge room divided into 2 - one smaller bit for eating and the other is like a mini softplay with a small bouncy castle, we paid £40 for 1.5 hours and did a smallish buffet. We had 8 children plus their parents and the whole thing cost about £70 inc. food (Tesco basics ).

TBH I wouldnt expect to pay if Libby was invited to a party xx

I don't think you should feed the adults but I would pay for the soft play and get some nibbles for the kids

TBH I wouldnt expect to pay if Libby was invited to a party

I'd be inclined to agree

Right obviously i'm really tight cause I don't see the problem with that. She's only two she doesn't need a full on birthday party where you pay for all the extras. I would just make it casual.. 'we're taking her to soft play you're welcome to join'.
Thats just my opinion. Save the big expensive parties till she can really appreciate it.

Well tbh Shell, my mate did something similar with her two kids whose birthdays are only a couple of weeks apart in September - anyone who wanted to go for a pub lunch was welcome to go and have a pub lunch.#

I was worried though that

a) we have set a precedent, and
b) Dom's family are used to being fed whereas ours are not, so I'm not sure what the "norm" is in the big wide world.

However it's all academic now because the sodding place is closed for refurbishment for the 2 weeks either side of her birthday. Back to the drawing board!

I am tempted to say (as you suggest Shell) "We're taking Imogen to Jungle Mania because she likes it. You can come and see her if you like. You can buy a buttie while you're there if you like....."

My oh my, it would be so much more straightforward if there weren't 3 sets of grandparents, 1 set of great-grandparents, 2 sets of aunties and uncles with offspring and then the need to invite friends with similarly aged children to make it fun for Imogen! And if we had a house big enough to accommodate that lot so we didn't have to hire a venue. Or if we just had a big enough garden to borrow my friend's marquee!

I don't think it's mean so long as it's agreed before hand. I think if my kids were invited to a party I would expect that the soft play at least be paid for and would be a bit put out if I got there and found I had to pay but if it was a close friend or family member who had let me know before hand I wouldn't mind at all - I would have the option not to go. I certainly would never expect to have a bar meal provided for myself and Paul at a kids party, neither would I pay for other adults to eat at m kids party (obviously a buffet at home is slightly different).

My cousin is doing a very similar thing for her twin girls in a few weeks actually and she is really skint bless her but wants the girls to have a treat. I will be taking and paying for my kids and buying our tea too, I don't see it as mean, it's a chance for all teh kids to get together and have fun and it's a 2for1 type place anyway so wont cost a bomb. We are also traveling 110 miles to go but we are making the effort because they have done for us in the past.

xx