now that garrys at school, im finding some massive changes in him. how he acts, talks and his back chat too. i know he is going thru changes and its expected. but i cant help wondering if now is when i should be infulencing him on who he should and shouldnt play with? i know in his class there is a "bad" family from the circuit. iv many times had it out with him for his manners and the things he comes away with and its always such and such says that or does that. the circuit has a very bad reputation. some one was stabbed from the AGAIN only sundat there. i dont want that for my child. althou its a good half mile away, its still right on the door step. just across the cemetry and field.

my question is. will you, would u or do u guid ur kids towards a certain type of friend and away from others. or should i just leave alone and hope he moves on ??

i know he is only 5 but he is very easily led the wee sod!

umm maybe see who he gets on with.. like ask if he wants some one to come round after school n then see who they are like.. if they are little sods then dont invite them round so much n then maybe he might get the idea if you get me? x

see, none of his friends live in our estate. they all go to another school which i couldnt get him into cause of limited places or they are at private schools. i cant afford that. the school he is at has a rep for being "rough" althou i got a letter today, the new school build will be started end of jan!!

i am not above ne one or think imbetter, i just want better for my kids.

yeh i agree with bec, but i defo think if i was in your shoes i would influence who he is with a bit as i would want to keep them on the right track and out of trouble. he is still young but kids seem/act so much older than when i was younger, just explain to him that he needs to think form himself and not to follow others, im sure most kids go through troublesome stages xxx

we posted at the same time!!, im sure he is a strong minded chap like you and im sure if you talk to him regularly about it it will sink in if you get what i mean?
i would want the same for lilly too like most parents would xxx

Laura I keep mulling this over this evening and am in the process of collecting my thoughts for you give us a tick xx

Ok so - you are the mummy to beat imho so this is all just suggestions, you'll know best by far a mix of the following or one / none:

Talk to him. Very sensibly, explaining why you are worried about his manner / tone / etc. Explain he's such a grown up boy but started behaving very silly or you're worried something is wrong or you simply don't like being spoken to rudely as you don't talk to him like that and it upsets you... which ever angle tugs the heartstrings...

Hmmm- tricky to explain and you will have heard it all before, but some kind of rewards / punishments. Something that can be quantified and - where ever possible - positive rather than negative ('gaining' rather than 'losing') although if taking away privileges is the only way then 1) make sure it's explained and a time-scale given for return and 2) you don't end up with nothing left to take away

Slyly - I mean - cleverly - encourage his friends that you do approve of. Ask them to dinner / sleep over / out at the weekend / shopping / footie (and be actively involved in their play even if they don't know it like providing erm a new cheapie football or suggesting going to the shops with a list each of stuff to find) he may well grumble but could just start to have a subconscious effect! Try with more than one classmate too.

This will sound a bit blunt and harsh start ignoring him when he wants your attention for something or a similar 'rude' action he will notice - and say "but that's what so-and-so's mother does". Can work with the world-ly wise of the kiddiewinks, if they really start down the track of copying and using it as an excuse for how they behave - and can then, when you've done it a few times, hopefully lead to a good talking to about how we are our own people, make our own choices, know right from wrong etc.

Depending how things go - talk to his teacher. Just voicing your concern will help you - you may find that they are sitting at the same table in class or that she has concerns too; or that she can calm your worries even by reassuring you that in school he behaves well etc.

^ hopefully that's not too much ramble, I obv don't have a 5 y/old but have met a fair few in my time
The rewards / sanctions is the hardest as it has endless possibilities and (at least at first) needs to be strictly adhered to for it to work best. Not an easy task with hands already full!!

Pm if can share any more wandering thoughts, hope all else is well with you xx

Nope..nip it in the bud now. Especially if he is easily led. Kids that are mean...bullies..out of control can cause serious issues later on. Parents always should get to know who our kids friends are and what kind of homes they come from. Learned this the hard way toots. xxx

thanks grace. we do sit and tell him how it is upsetting to be spoken to in the manner he does at times. at school the teacher is teaching them about other peoples feelings. so we try to use the same teachings. explain it in the same way.

he has his group of friends in our estate, my house is where they always are. the amount of balls we go thru in the summer is crazy. so we fitted a basketball hoop and thats a big hit. i havent had the chance or the weather to invite his school friends home, no one stays close or i dont know the mothers to approach them. his teacher says he is well mannered, unless he is tired neighbour across road has 3 boys he plays with and hes even started cheeking her he generally is a very loving and well mannered child.

we have a rewards system but its a bit lost on him. he expects a "treat" every day several times a day.

tbh im hoping its a growing up phase he will grow out of.

ill prob re read ur comment a million times lol, thanks, great help.

jen half my battle is, i know how i grew up and got away with, i see other kids round me worse and i just dont want that for them.

i have kids in my house all the time and the parents dont even know who i am or where i stay, but i know where they live, their parents name and what they like for dinner!!!