Well after posting a cpl weeks ago about C being a bit challenging lately with throwing things and mouthing off and backchatting and the step not working cause i would have to restrain her to keep her on it and wasnt prepared to i went away to rethink things.

So we started a new system where we set up some simple house rules which are staying upstairs til 7am (if she wakes earlier shes allowed to play in her room), tv allowed between 7 (or when she gets up so today was 830 as we played ustairs)-10am and then from 6pm til bedtime and in between is playing with her toys/going out etc etc but tv free time. We discussed good behaviour and bad behaviour and made a list of each and for good behaviour shes getting a sticker on her chart and after 10 she gets a reward either something small like a small toy or sweet from her reward box ive made, a trip to soft play or some extra tv during the 10-6 period. Naughty behaviour gets a warning then a consequence which might be 2 mins time out, loss of a toy for 10 mins or loss of tv for 10 mins.

For time out we have recently switched to a chair instead of a step and its a booster chair on one of the dining room chairs. Seems to be working as its high up so she knows not to get down from it. The first time i did it was for throwing her pens across the room and was quite an epic marathon as she got off the chair after two mins but still refused to pick up what she had thrown so had to start over and it took 20 mins+ before she worked out i wasnt giving in and picked up all her pens (i did compromise and help her pick them up by that point)

But shes impressed me so much. When we discussed what she thought was naughty things to do the first thing she said was 'throwing my pens mummy' so its sunk in and i agreed that yes throwing toys was naughty andit ended up 1st thing on the list. Ive kept the naughty things minimal and after the throwing its things like being mean to her sister, running off in public and not doing what shes asked or being rude. So we started the chart at lunchtime today and shes already earned 4 stickers-1for being nice to awen when she was crying(gave her a dummy and pattedher head), one for sharing her beanbag nicely, one for being helpful when awen was sick (went and got me a cloth lol) and one for helping daddy feed the cats.

We did have 1 time out because she threw her juice cup then refused to pick it up and put it on the table nicely when i said it wasnt a nice thing to do. But unlike last weeks epic she had her time out then went and got her cup and put it up, said sorry and asked if she could have a cuddle which i did gladly.

Its early days but im hoping for good things from this. She should be quite excited by her 1st reward as ive been and bought a Buzz Lightyear plate for her (im bigging it up initally to get her behind the idea).

And my question: Im hoping i can persuade my mum to get on board with this. Its driving me a bit batty lately that my mum lets C eat a lot of rubbish. I know its a grandparent thing to spoil em but my mum sees her twice a week not once in a blue moon so i cant have it happening, i probs wouldnt fuss if it was every couple of months but on sunday i bought an oaty bar for her snac at church and mum tried to give her pic n mix and i said no she can have her oaty bar then we popped to asda to get some bits for sunday lunch and mum bought her a kinder egg at the till. I took it and said 'No you eat lunch first' which of course caused a tantrum.

To be fair mum said 'oops sorry i didnt think' and i said 'i dont mind her having the egg mum but after lunch' as i struggle with her food as it is and mum knows that so i try hard to give her healthy snacks to balance out the lack of fruit and veg she takes in. But i dont know how to broach it with her without offending her. If she takes her out she says oh shes eaten well but i know she means stuff like sausage rolls, cheese strings crisps etc which is fine a part of a meal but i always send rice cakes and cereal bars too and end up getting them back. Im trying to learn my own healthy eating habits atm and pass them onto C so she doesnt end up an overweight adult like me. Shes a fantastic grandma and i have a very good relationship with her but shes a bit sensitive about some things and i dont wanna upset her by saying FGS tone down the crappy food a bit. I know why she does it-her mother was terrible to her as a child and being a good mum and grandma is important to her but she over compensates with C and i know id have never been allowed all the crap she allows C to have as a child so its not like she doesnt know how to feed a kid healthily. Ive already had to tell her she looks after C often enough she cant let her away with murder like she does or C will be a brat and that really worries me.

Anyway ive gone off course i guess my question is how would you broach it? Would you try and get her on board using my reward and time out system so the sweets etc are kept for rewards rather than having to have it out with her and see if it helps matters? Im thinking if it works thats cool and if it doesnt i may have to have it out before i go back to work cos she will have C and A for me when im working but im dreading the thought of having to do that so hoping this will work. Also i guess the other question i gotta ask is does it sound like im being way too strict? I know i am firm with caelyn but shes a smart kid and i dont want it being channelled into naughtiness and brattishness but i do worry im too strict with her and treat her older than she is due to her abilities so would appreciate honsest opinions on this

I would try to get her on board with it... you could maybe make another set of lists with c and then kinda spring it on to grandma, look what c made for you, its a list like we have at home, then explain to her. and maybe even do a grandmas reward box. she might feel a bit pushed into it, but atleast you wont have the confrontation kinda thing.

With regards to being strict... im not that strict with sophie, but thats because im pretty sure it'd go over her head. If C understands it, then go 4 it!!!

Yeh you should - I bet she will enjoy it as maybe she will be able to offer the 'treat' as the reward at the end of the day - so if you spin it right your mum won't be offended - she will stop giving her treats and instead use the chart and give a treat later - everyone wins!

I am not as strict with Izzy, but saying that she doesn't do those things, the only thing she does do is throw her pens, but not naughty, she thinks its funny - and tbh I don't see the harm so I don't tell her off for it.

Ah see c will sometimes throw toys for fun which isnt a problem like when she digs her arms in her dressing up box and wangs the dresses about and that usually does just make me laugh. Its when she throws things after shes been told off in temper which is what happened with the pens and cup- i told her not to draw on herself so she threw her pens and today her dad offered her juice in her red cup and she wanted her pink one so threw the cup which to me is something to nip in the bud.

Ive been thinking about it a lot since posting the first post and maybe if i say C is wanting to eat a lot of unhealthy food and couch it like would mum help me get involved in getting her to eat healthily. Then can mention the reward chart and how she can have choc as a treat when shes there for behaving well something small like a kinder egg perhaps but for snacks im trying to steer her to cereal bars etc and find new ways of getting fruit and veg in her diet but could do with some help. Also i know mum wants to do things like baking with her so maybe find some healthy muffin recipes etc. I suppose if i made it sound like i want some help rather than a dig at her it might go down better

I do dread offending my mum cos shes so great at helping me with C and A but i need to find a way round this one cos i want my kids ot be healthy eaters

Oh yeh, I see what you mean - Yes Izzy too can throw things when I've told her off - she just wangs whatever she puts her hand on! Usually its when im on the computer or working and Dan is 'looking after her'..she comes in and I say Im busy blah blah and she tries to climb on me (he wouldn't like it if I let her do that when he was working!) then its usually my mouse, or anything on my desk that gets wanged!

I think it sounds great Mario!!!! Well done for doing all this with a babe in arms to look after....I am going to follow your lead, as Isla is pushing boundaries too at the mo with lashing things, and being a little bit mean to her sister on occasions,

but like you say they are smart kids, and they will learn to work the system to their advantage once they get the hang of it!

I would defo get nana on board, exactly how you said in your 2nd post xxx

Thanks Lisa. Oly just seem your reply. Good luck trying it with isla then too xxx