Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble..

As i've mentioned before, me and Connie's daddy have split. We haven't been together now for 4 weeks, although he's been living here until he saved for a deposit and found somewhere - which he has, although it won't be ready for him to move into for a few more weeks.

I'm getting scared now that I'm making a big mistake, but i'm worried that it's just fear of being on my own, never finding anyone else, never finding anyone good enough for Connie more than actually being mistaken about the split.

Since April/May we have split 3 times, and each time he's cried, begged and pleaded to get back together. This time, it was him who suggested the split, although, now he seems to have changed his mind. To be honest I just don't feel the same way about him anymore. I love him in a - "connie's dad" type way, I'm not "in" love with him. I feel like by staying with him, i'm depriving myself the chance to be with someone I'm madly in love with. Someone that I could be really and truly happy with but i'm also terrified that maybe I'm never going to find that person, or i'm going to be left on my own forever - that his was "it" for me, and I've let it slip through my fingers expecting someone better to come along.

THere was a time when I was madly in love with Connie's dad, but we were just kids. We did everything much to fast, from moving in to getting engaged etc. He's had loads of money probs - and I think that's partly what has made my feelings change, I think I resent the fact that although I work hard and have a good job - with him i'd still probably never be in a position to get a mortgage. I've felt as though he cocks up with money -and Jo sorts it, like I've had to mother him all these years, and I don't want that burden on my shoulders anymore - the fear that ANOTHER unexpected letter saying he owes somewhere money is going to land on the mat, and I'm the one to sort it as usual.

I want to be looked after for a change .

I'm scared of being on my own, but I'm terrified of being stuck, trapped, in a miserable relationship xxx

That's a normal feeling! I felt just the same when I chucked my husband out years ago - even though deep down I didn't want to be with him I was still worried about being on my own!

I met Dan a few weeks later though!

You can't live a life that isn't what you want because you are scared of the interim period - you might be lonely sometimes, you might find it hard to be single sometimes - BUT you aren't unhappy from being with the wrong person - and in years to come you will see that you would have regretted staying with him through fear of the unknown!

This is the brave choice, and you will be fine x

aww i am sorry as long as it is right for you,you will feel better in time hun xx

I have no experience of what it's like being on my own with a child, but i know that when I split from my ex i was so scared of being alone and never meeting anyone, but you really do find love when you are least looking for it. As for managing on your own in the mean time, it will be strange at first, but you will find your own routine and new life as a family you'll soon settle into it.
Remember why you've made this decision when you have hard days and you can always come here for friendship and support! x

I agree with Lisa, I felt the same when I split with my husband, I was convinced I'd end up a lonely old scary cat woman that small children ran away from, but lo and behold when I was least looking for it, just a few months later, I met Matt. I would say just enjoy being on your own, being able to please yourself and be with Connie, and when the times right, you'll meet that special person who treats you how you deserve xxx

cant offer any advise i just wanted to say i'm feeling quite confused about similar things my end!

Altho Charlies dad no longer lives with me, he is still very much part of our lives and does stay and yet although we both love each other i really think we are battling with the, will i be better of in the long run if we seperate once and for all question.

I am absolutly terrified of being a single mum to two children, i just keep wondering who on earth would be interested in a mum of two. but essentially i am single already, our daily life wouldn't change really if we did split up.
But i am in no hurry to find someone else either lol

Some days my head is clear and others i'm a weeping mess. Relationships can be so difficult sometimes

I hope you managed to figure things out in your head! xxx

Hun i was just the same when i left my ex husband even though he was the biggest bastard going! Its the unknown and the chaange that your scared of. You are confortable with what you know.

I met my hubby a month after i left him!!

You will be absolutely fine hunny and will find a new lease of life when you have split and its more sorted (must be hard living together still)

xxxxxx

aw hun... funny enough I was thinking about you the other day (in a non stalker way) but I was thinking what was happening with you and your OH but didnt want to ask.

sorry things havnt worked out for you hun, I think if im 100% honest with you I sort of feel the same with mine. (god never admited it) but so I do see where your comming from. I thnk your soo brave doing it though, Iv threatend it but never taken the plunge. And when I did think right thats it I found out I was pregnant again, so guessed we'r ment to be. I dunno

But I love him being a dad to lillie & she adores him, and I do love him But I do think if it wasnt for her I wouldnt be with him. I would have left a long time ago, same as you Im left sorting everything, taking control of finances, and paying for everything when hes the one working and Im not!! I dont have any money what so ever for myself it goes on bills & he goes out and does his thing.

anyway what Im trying to say is I know how you feel, partly if it wasnt for this baby I would be scared to leave dont want to be on my own. But I know deep down I would be better off. I think some times youve got to think of no1 and like you say someone look after you!! only live once why should you have to settle for 2nd best...... (hark at me, but im screwed now no one would wants a stretched marked belly with 2 kids!lol )

you'l find someone jo! your beautiful & you'l look back and think what was I thinking!!! x x

It must be so hard for you. It does sound like you're doing the right thing.
I have done the single mum thing and you'll be suprised at how well you cope (you're a woman afterall). When I got divorced I was on my own for 5 years (did have a few casual flings) until I met my now dh. I had a tick list that any new man would have to tick all the boxes to be considered as mr right. (my dh didn't actually tick any if the boxes)!

It's not going to easy and it's very important that you try to maintain a good relationship with your ex for the sake of your lo.
I do hope you're ok and that you come a decision that your certain is right.
xx

Completely know what you mean as my ex husband and I had always got alone great (and still have no problems with him to this day as he is a nice person). We met when we were quite young and think we changed along the way. It took me a while to split with him in the end, like you there were a few i am not happy convos and then it would be a bit better and then slip back. In the end i just woke up one morning and thought this is it and off i went.

I did see him a bit after that and did question whether i was doing the right thing and there was a fear of being alone forever like Mandy says!! No matter how much kind people told me i would be 'snapped up' i thought i would not meet anyone else.

In the end I met my now OH within the year. However i can confidently say that from the 10 or so months i spent on my own i was perfectly happy and i knew i would be absolutely fine. Its amazing how you just get on with things once they actually happen and I am sure you will soon adjust if that is what you decide to do.

Anyway the point of this big ramble is that i really think it is better to be on your own than with the wrong person. When you are on your own there are a few times when you feel a bit sad and sorry for yourself but when you are with the wrong person you feel miserable pretty much all of the time.

Good luck and hope all goes well xx

I agree with all the other ladies its fear of the unkown rather than thinking your doing the wrong thing. I felt the same when I left my ex, I felt sick, worrying if I was diogn the right thing even though I didn't love him anymore and couldn't bear to be with him any more but didn't want to hurt him... I thought about going back to him a few times and thought.. well hwo am I doing that for it certainly wasn't for my benefit.

It was the best and hardest thing I ever did and now I'm with my lovely perfect OH and have my gorgeous baby

You know deep down what is the right thing to do, you will find someone who is perfect, there is the right partner out there for everyone you just have to be patient

Thank you so much girls, I think I just needed to hear that other people have done it and got through it coming out the other side.

You girls are all lovely.

Massive hugs xxxxxxxxxx