one baby that is. has anyone on here decided to stop at one baby? why? did you always only want one child, or did you decide this after you had your first? do you think you would change your mind?

of those who have more than one (or nearly do), do you worry about how it would affect your other child/ren? have you ever felt a sense of regret or sadness that your attention is/will be split? how did you decide to go on to have another/more children?

i suppose i have always assumed i would have more than one baby, but mr.mari was talking about how nice it would be to just have elijah - and hes right! in terms of time, money, attention, careers, all of these practical things, it does seem the best plan to just stick with the baby we have

it does feel a bit unnatural to me though - perhaps its an evolutionary thing - what actual benefit would having another baby be? i wonder if wanting more than one and saying it would be nice for elijah is actually an excuse, and i am being selfish?? just wanted to hear other people's experiences.

I have always wanted 3 because my bro me and my sister always were so close and I would hate harry to be lonely with only us boring adults for company lol plus I have a lot more room in my heart for two more littlies. I don't really think of it practically

I was an only child and so wished i had a bro or sis, my mom wishes she had another but broke up with my dad when i was 2 so never did.

I can remember my mom always trying to get friends for me when i was a little girl as I was shy. I only had one cousin and was close to her if i didnt have her then I would have been quite lonely. Now to this day i wish i had a sibling though .

Noah now has got like 7 cousins all 5 and under so i will know if ever i just decided i wanted one he would have loads of company play time with his cousins .

But i do want more children just for fact of my experiences, on the plus side my mom has been like a sister to me and we are like best friends now coz i only really ever had her.

This is just my view and experience hun.

Char

I kind of go between only wanting one and wanting maybe one more.

we speak about having another one all the time but the thought of going through labour again scares me so much. not to mention back to sleepless nights, the costs of having another baby, splitting time between two babies when I barely have time for the one I already have (but I suppose id be off on maternity but not for long as id need to work again eventually)

so we did kinda talk about maybe ttc next year if we hd bought our own house by then but we are both really happy just now as well. so we feel that maybe we are talking about it because its the done thing to do after having one and I would like hannah to have what me and my sis have.

so the answer is Id maybe have another one lol but right now im having more non broody days than broody ones!
x

Like Char im an only child and growing up I hated it. I always wished I had a sibbling to play with/fight with/for company. I felt left out of the loop when others talked about what it was like having sibblings growing up.
As an adult I still wish I had a sibbling to talk to about family matters, share the responsibility of mum when she is older, to have an aunt/uncle for my kids, perhaps have given Caitlin cousins (though I call my cousins kids her cousins). Of course my view is biased though as if id had a sibbling I could quite easily say they made my childhood miserable and we dont speak now - these things are hard to compare. Again like Char being an only child (me personally from a single parent family) made me very close to my mum. I tell her everything and we speak daily.

Anyway basically I always knew I wasnt stopping at one due to my hatred at being an only child. I did used to think I wanted 3-4. But now having been through 2 pregnancies I have decided to stop at 2. I found being pg harder this time and I do think Caitlin missed out a bit this summer with me being sick/tired (she wont remember but thankfully!). I think it would be even harder to be pg with 2 children already to think about. In saying that I suppose I could wait another 5-10 years to have a 3rd, but Id kinda feel bad having a wee late baby and prob need to have a 4th lol so as they didnt miss out on having a sibbling close in age and ending up feeling like an only child anyway. Financially I couldnt cope with more than 2 either, even for things like cars/carseats, family day trips etc that jump to 3 is quite expensive I think. Also 2 kids 2 parents is 1 each to run after when out, iv no idea how people control 3-4 kids on their own - iv great respect for them because I can barely manage Caitlin in Tesco on my own atm!

As for guilt at getting pg again, that hit me quite early on in this pg and I was shocked at how bad I felt tbh. I remember looking at Caitlin laughing and singing in the kitchen one day and just thought 'what the feck have I done?' I felt like I suddenly realised she was all I needed/wanted and a sibbling was just going to ruin her wee world. id been so selfish and stupid getting pg. She was just starting to have lil conversations with me and things were becoming alot easier... and Id decided to drag everyone back to square one again with hormones/sleepless nights/weaning/restricted as to where we go,do etc.

Dont get me wrong I still have wee wobbles now were I worry about how Caitlin is going to take to her new bro or sister but iv now realised the benefits it will bring to her - company/sharing/love etc and that the new baby wont be a baby forever. Before I know it they will be 3 and 5 and at a similar stage to eachother and be easier to manage (I hope anyway lol)

I guess there isnt a right or wrong answer, but for me I just know if id stopped at one id always wonder/have regrets. I very much doubt i'l ever look at this baby im having now and seriously wish I hadnt bothered!

Ah its such a rollercoaster!!

I've got a brother, with us moving so much as children it would of been awful being an only child, me and my bro were so close up until last year and now that we're not I miss him sooooo much.

As for Libby, like snoops - it hit me very early on that we were going to turn Libby's life upside down and felt incredibly selfish for deciding to have another. Those feelings subsided towards the end of the pregnancy but resurfaced with a vengance in the first weeks/months after he was born.

Now though, seeing them play together and seeing how much Dexter watches his big sister and gets so excited when she just walks into the room makes everything we've gone through worth it and I know once he starts moving around etc. Libby will love playing with him.

As for sharing your time/love - it just comes naturally, I honestly didn't think I could love anyone as much as I love Libby, didn't think it was possible but it definately is.

Im going through a major guilt phase at the moment, Tyler is so fun and really engaging in conversation with us and really learning and it's like he really needs/wants us to be teaching him new things and I think bringing a new baby into his life right now is going to be hard for him to deal with and I think shit what have I done is it too late to change my mind...

but then at the same time Tyler absolutely loves other children, he loves helping out he loves caring and helping to feed his toys/the cats/the fish etc and so I know he will love having a little brother and just because it changes the attention he gets I don't think it is necessarily a bad thing because it will give him a whole new world of things to learn about and new experiences that he wouldn't ever get if we stuck with just him.

My family always says an only child is a lonely child and I always knew I wnted 2 or 3 children. I definately couldn't cope with having a 3rd until these two are at school probably (but don't hold me to that) and that's if I can even afford another one! but I don't think I will be stopping at 2

I always wanted two, it never even occurred to me to stop at one, I never felt any guilt towards Thomas that I was bringing Hannah into his life, I felt I was giving him the best gift in the world that only mummy and daddy can give.

My two fight like cat and dog but they also adore each other, Hannah is Thomas' little shadow and copies everything he does and says, it really is the most adorable thing to watch them play together and look after each other when they get a bump or a scrape.

I just can't imagine just having Thomas, I always felt my family was incomplete before Hannah came along (of course I loved Thomas to bits and enjoyed the time we had together) and the minute she was here and I brought her home to meet her brother everything fell into place and just feel right now. My family is complete and we can't have any more so can plan for the future without the risk/temptation of another pg hanging over us.

Don't get me wrong - it's blummin hard work with 2 and I have moments where I think it would be lovely to get more 1-1 time with both of them but they are never lonely and will spend hours just playing together and messing around up in their bedrooms so although it's that much harder at first, it's deffinately easier as they get older as they are company for each other while I get stuff done. Also hard work when they both get ill together :/ - I spent most of last night up to my eyes (literally) in puke as they tag teamed vommed over me/themselves/carpet/their beds - fun

I think you will know deep down if your family is complete or not hun. If you are content to stick at one then go for it but if there is a little niggle deep down that you might want another I'm guessing it will be very difficult to overcome that and make it go away

xx

I am stopping at one, I never planned to have any children so the shock of one was enough for me although i obviously wouldnt change it for the world now!

I have thought about it a lot and wondered if Lily will miss out from being an only child and i really believe that she wont. I have a brother and we got on well and spent time together but this was a rarity amongst people i knew! I can see that having a sibling does bring benefits but we are always so short of time that i would prefer to have more time to spend with Lily and hope that she will have lots of friends!

I find this subject quite hard as I would desperately love to give Amelia an alive sibling. There are times when I think *$%£ it lets have another one and see what happens. Realistically I cant though as the outcome would probably be me/baby or both of us dying and while that was a risk I was willing to take myself I wont put Amelia through that. I havent actually accepted the fact we cant have anymore and me and oh stilly say'if wehave aother baby' blah blah blah.

I never imagined only having one though I always thought 3. Im one of 3 and I think its great. I always had someone to play/fight with. It saddens me that simple things like going for a meal in a place with a play area wont be the same experience for Moo because she wont have anyone to play with.

When i was pg with Ollie I wanted 2 close together like me and my brother.

olliesmammy wrote:

I find this subject quite hard as I would desperately love to give Amelia an alive sibling. There are times when I think *$%£ it lets have another one and see what happens. Realistically I cant though as the outcome would probably be me/baby or both of us dying and while that was a risk I was willing to take myself I wont put Amelia through that. I havent actually accepted the fact we cant have anymore and me and oh stilly say'if wehave aother baby' blah blah blah.

I never imagined only having one though I always thought 3. Im one of 3 and I think its great. I always had someone to play/fight with. It saddens me that simple things like going for a meal in a place with a play area wont be the same experience for Moo because she wont have anyone to play with.

When i was pg with Ollie I wanted 2 close together like me and my brother.

Have you considered adoption, if it's too risky and you really wanted another one? Or even surrogacy

Its something I may consider in the future but I'm only 21 so Ive got plenty oftime to decide. If not Im totally blessed to have my little Moo pants and I'll be forever greatful that she survived x

me and gav have this conversation all of the time. i'm an only child and gav has 3 brothers so quite a difference. i would love another baby and think realistically it will happen but tbh at the minute im far to selfish to think about it. i love my life now alfie is in sucha good routine. he sleeps 12/13 hrs a night, is a brilliant eater and is such a happy smily funny little boy. i dont think i cud go back to sleepless nights again!! x

For me its never been a case of how many will i have, until having Sam i felt a need to have babies, i never thought about how many i wanted i just knew i wanted another then another. I dont feel that need anymore and am glad to have my baby days behind me. For me it was a need.
And the plus side to having loads of kids is they are never lonely, always someone to play withh. The downside is it bleddy hard work, noisy and tiring.....but our house is a noisy happy house. If i could do it all again i would still have 4 x

Amy your reason is exactly why Im having another now! because I know that the older and more independant Tyler got, the less I would want to go back to sleepless nights, nappies, worrying about food etc.!

I want Izzy to have a sibling.
I grew up with my sister, only 15 months apart in age, so very close.

When she died at 19 I obviously become an 'only' child....and to be perfectly honest I would not wish it on anyone, I'm sure only children get on fine cos they know no different! However there is something very special about growing up with siblings that can never be placed by friends, something that should always be there...and I miss my sister terribly - I'd rather have had a sibling for 18 years than never at all!

So yeh its very important to me that Izzy gets a sibling, at least 1!

I have never seen myself only having one child however I'm slowly preparing myself for it. I always thought I'd have at least 2 but after having Amelia I wanted 3.

I'm an only child and I had a wonderful childhood and the best parents I could ever ask for. I desperately missed having a sibling twice in my life. The 1st was when I was younger than 11. I was a touch lonely then and really really wanted someone to share things with. Then I realised we went on more family holiday's, and trips, and I wouldn' have had a pony if I'd had a sibling so I was quite happy until my Dad passed away. It made me realise just how incredibly alone I was and I found it so hard to cope as I felt no one understood.

I would realistically love for Amelia to have a sibling and it does break my heart to think I may never be able to provide that for her, but then I think her Dad will. Which, if I'm being honest, will hurt like hell.

Sorry for rambling

I always wanted more than one child! Altho there is such a large gap between Tommy and Charlie that for a long time Tommy was brought up as an only child. I don't feel like he's missed out on anything by having no one while he was younger to play with.

I would definatly like to have a fairly close age gap between Charlie and the next baby tho, In reality the fact that he is two already bothers me! likelyhood is he will be 3-4 before we have another baby and i'd have liked the gap to be less.

Lisa G, Theres still a lot of time to give lil miss a brother or sister! An age gap isn't a bad thing at times hun x

I think you need to follow your heart.

I had always had it in my head that I would have 2, until I met James. He always wanted 3 so we stuck at 3 in our hearts. After Lily he said he didnt want anymore and it nearly ended us because I just knew that I had to have another and he had spent so long saying it was what he wanted.

I knew that if we only had the 2 that I would always resent him for not wanting to have a third. Luckily he changed his mind before I fell pg with no. 3 - although it was me that freaked out when I got this bfp and he was totally cool about it!

o see ive always had it in my head since i was small that i would have three kids.. two quite close in age n then leave it for ages n then have a 3rd...
perry only wanted two on the other hand. but after a lot of talking n what not he agreed to have the 3rd. we are stopping thou after the next one which we are ttc now due to the pooy health problems i get.

i did feel mega bad towards the end of my preg for paige.. i felt she was going ot feel very left out n then i got all upset that she would hate me.. but turns out she loves her little brother n loves to try n play with him. so i dont feel quiet as bad now.. but i do feel bad as i dont get much time with her now n i dont get the full time with trent too as busy with paige/house/trent so its hard in that case