Hubby and I are going through another rough patch, this time it is worse than it has ever been. He has been very verbal towards me ( ) and I was so, so upset yesterday to the point my adopted dad drove 40 miles to come and see me for a cuppa tea. I also ended up at my friend Kirstens house as she's just moved so I asked if I could help and I've talked to her. He hasn't hit me (I've been in absusive relationships before and I know if Paul did hit me I'd probs end up lumping him one back as I'd had enough of it in the past) she said emotional abuse is worse than physical as scars heal.

I left the kids with him yesterday, saying nothing, just kissed the kids goodbye and walked off and got into my best friends husbands car and when I got back yesterday I just blanked him, I've had enough of him saying I'm sorry, I'm sorry and expecting everything to be all hunky dorey again the thing is now I feel really uneasy, I said to him do you know how close you are to losing me and he meekly replied yes I do, very, very close.

He has promised in the past to get help, anger management etc and has never followed through with it but yesterday he went to the duty dr for an emergency appt and got Citilopram and the dr's don't refer people to Anger Management but he is going to get referred to some sort of councilling. This is his last chance and at the mo the cold shoulder I'm giving him is colder than Whistler mountain in winter.

I don't know how we are going to get back to the cosy, loved up close couple we once were and I don't want to be a single parent but I don't know what I'm suppose to do from here. If I start acting all loving he'll think he is forgiven but I don't want this time to be that easy for him, I guess I want him to feel scared as that might make him more willing (or wanting) to sort himself out???

Any suggestions please? xxxxxxxx

Oh no Hun I'm so sorry, I don't have any words of advise I'm afraid. I didn't want to r and r
I really hope you guys can come back from this, letting him know things have to change is never going to be easy.

He may be offered counciling but in my experience you only get 6 1 hour sessions which is never enough. After that point you have to pay I believe.

Have you looked at the cost of an anger management course?

Big hugs to you! It's so difficult life being so up in the air. I really hope he can redeem himself xx

Oh sorry to hear that. Why is he being so awful? Not excusing his behaviour at all, but is there a route problem that can be dealt with?

It sounds like you are doing all the right things, giving him plenty of space and not allowing him to think that it is acceptable to treat you this way.

I hope things improve for you all

Don't really ahev any advice hun but I am thinking of you xxx

I dont really have much advice hun, but it does seem that he is taking you seriously and is trying to get help.

I hope it works out xx

dolina you have been through loads this year you dont needs him havin ago but do you think its his way of coping with things that has happened? (men are wired)
you both need to sit down with the kids in bed and talk things through aboiut everything that has happend. if he says he wants to change maybe help him change.

as you know me and james have our run ins nearly all the time he say's cause everything got on top off him!! men are wired!!

xxxx

i've no experience of it but as others have said have you been open and discussed everything thats happened, has he been open with you? maybe he's bottling up his feelings and venting. I'm in no way excusing his behaviour though, emotional abuse can be just as bad as physical.
I hope you get things sorted and i'm glad you have the support of your family and friends to help you through.
x

Thinking of you hun xxx

We have talked loads but not recently, I did say last night "anything you want to talk about?" but he didn't want to, I think talking to a stranger will help him loads. I am arranging for him to go to his best friends house overnight at the end of November, We're in North East Hampshire, his friend is in Worthing so I'm going to boook him some train tickets because I think him spending the night away from us and with his friend means he can talk to him, process his thoughts etc... Last time he saw his friend was at MJ's birthday tea and before that I don't remember. I know they are close, they went through uni together - even house shared for a while.

Paul loves me so much and realises what he's done was stupid and incredibly selfish and he's wanting to fix things but knows it'll take a while. I'm willing to give anything a go, marraige, or any relationship, that is good is worth fighting for and I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet.

Thank-you all for your replies, I'm cooking a very nice dinner tonight and going to see if he wants to talk tonight xxxxxxxx

Good luck hun, hope he opens up a bit xxxx