Hi ladies
Not been about much as needed some space for a while for one reason and another but needed somewhere to vent so i apologise in advance for what might be a long post ranting after my leave of absence and im sorry if it doesnt make sense im trying to figure out whats been getting me down as much as anything else.

Have found things a little tough lately. Seem to have managed to get on top of the logistical stuff of having 2 to deal with instead of one now and gotten into a reasonable routine, its the emotional crap im not dealing with as well.

I seem to be spending a lot of time fighting with neil atm. And if im 100% honest im probably initiating a good chunk of it. Hes just driving me nuts and we seem to spend a lot of time sniping at each other and its feeling a bit unhealthy atm how much we are bickering - we have never really wanted to fight in front of kids so i guess we have fallen into this pattern of pot shots at each other and i really just wanna have a good shout and scream at him sometimes atm. Hes been sleeping on sofa last couple weeks cos hes really bad for snoring and didnt wanna keep me awake anymore than Awen already does as ive never learned to tune him out. Ive said in last few days its daft him sleeping down there and to come back upstairs but if im honest atm i really dont want him to id rather he slept downstairs cos by middle of night im feeding A and listening to him snore and im ready to punch him in the head. And on his days off im finding im irritable and snappy with him. I think with everything else bugging me hes a safe person so snap at cos i feel i can with him so i take a lot of stuff out on him which isnt fair. And on the flip side he does drive me up the wall quite a lot being useless and having to be told everything and expecting me to take on so much. In the end yesterday we agreed i wouldnt expect him to be psychic andtell him things before i get to the point of tearing his head off but in return he needs to not assume im having a pop at him everytime i say something which isnt helping when hes flouncing round the house like a big teenager. I just dont feel like i feel the same about him at the moment, i love him very much but im not totally sure i like him that much at the mo if that makes sense. im really hoping its just tiredness and it passes soon.
That aside i am driving myself nuts with this whole feeding thing. Its been five weeks now so more than ever managed with C and on one hand Im proud i Ive got this far but i also feel more than a bit trapped by it. I Dont find bfing some earth mother joy its good for A its cheap and convenient but in truth i am just as happy giving her a bottle from the whole bonding thing. Ive never gotten a thrill from bfing i actually like curling up with baby and bottle and lying there quiet with em. I feel like one of the things driving me nuts about Neil is i feel he treats A like mine and C like his cos he palms Awen off on me whenever she cries. He claims he thinks shes hungry yet I know if she had a bottle he wouldnt think that way cos he never did with C. He helps with C lots but seems toregard Awen as a boob decoration. And the last week or so ive been struggling a bit with Awen anyway, im not sure if shes colicky or has trapped wind but she seems to get unsettled by the afternoon. She takes a bitof persuading to get off to sleep and have been taking her out n buggy last few days cos she gets so tired and grumbly. Shes generally a very content happy baby and id say she deffo wakes up like that but as day goes on goes downhill a bit and by afternoon i feel like if shes nto asleep she has to have a boob or dummy in her mouth or shes grousing at me. I hate just shoving a dummy in evertime she cries but it seems to be what she wants-just to suck for comfort. I even had one of those stupid paranoid moments yesterday where she settled for neil then got aerated at me when he passed her back and decided she doesnt want her mummy. Which is daft i know its just she could smell my milk or was anoyed at being jostled etc but honestly with my mood its just how i took it. I cant help feeling if i just gave her a bottle it would be so much easier. But by sametoken i dont wanna give up bfing either - as tight as it sounds i cba with paying for formula and all the faff that goes with it like making up bottles in the night and having to take em all out in a changing bag. She was totally content til this week so wonder if im doing someting wrong or what. Ive started infacol which seems to help a bit and she sleeps pretty well overnight its just the afternoons atm.

And i feel like i Dont do enough for C Im always rushing her and telling her off for normal toddler stuff and i hate hearing the snap in my voice when i speak to her and almost consciously stop myself a lot and think ffs lise give the poor kid a break will you! Its just normal toddler stuff too like throwing clothes around or tipping her pens out everywhere but when ive finally gotten on top of things and sat down its like GAH! And as odd as it sounds i miss her. I know im hoe with her all the time but she rarely gets my time and when i do like when awens in the cot and im dressing her i seem to be hurrying her up and expecting too much of her. I feel a bit like im trying to do right by both of them at the moment and getting it wrong on both counts.

Sorry for long ramble just need to talk to someone and I feel like if i tell neil this he will just think im getting at him again but feeling quite emotional today

You know that I could of written the exact same thing!!! (obviously with diff names). I really dont know what to suggest, I hope you get some good advice but you know where I am hun. Love ya xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

To be honest you sound like you are being quite hard on yourself and expecting that you should be all things to all people. You are tired and therefore will be snappy, you have a new baby and will be emotional. I may get killed by the breastfeeding mafia but i would say if you dont like it and its dragging you down then stop doing it.

Have you got anyone who can take the girls out for a couple of hours to give you time for a nice bath and a nap? Can you get Neil to watch Awen when he is off to give you some time to take C to the park or do something together?

Am sure you and Neil will get back on track once everything settles down xx

aww hun if you cba with the faff of bottle feeding, whoy dont you try mix feeding, even if its only 1 a day so oh can feed her whilst you spend some quality time with c... i remember when oliver was first born id snap at leo for the smallest of things, and am ashamed to say but id actually wish he'd go off an play and leave me alone which i have never felt like that befor...its just hormones hun, it wont last forever and c wont remeber...imo if you give awen 1 formula a day i think that will give you the little breake you need and you will feel much better for it xx

Bless you both, I don't know what to suggest really, I've not Donets the two babies thing as yet. I can imagine you are just over tired and hormonal.
I remember after having Charlie for a good few weeks I was on cloud nine! But boy did I come crashing down when reality of having a new person around hit home! I hated oh for a good few months! Like Neil and simon the breast feeding was always an excuse not to do anything for baby.
I think half the problem is breast feeding! I hate to say it as 'breast is best' and all that but it puts sooooooooo much pressure on mummy!
When I have another I will probably not bf because of this.

I think your both forgetting that you have newborns and it's hard bloody work and you are being so hard on yourselves! You didn't have another little person to worry about first time round so possibly didn't really realise?!
Your oh is just gonna have to bite the bullet and deal with A so that you can have a little time with C!

As for the snoring thing that's another thing that we dealt with. I use to end up sleeping on the bottom bunk bed after feeding Charlie at night because it was easier and I didn't have to deal with the snoring and the pure anger I felt toward oh, but it really was a negative thing in our relationship, it pushed us very far apart and just made the anger toward him worse!
Maybe get him to the doctors, the could help, or and I don't know if it's a factor he might need to kiosk some weight?

Sorry your feeling so bad, I hope you manage to figure things out and stop being so hard on yourself! X

Okies, what is happening with you and Neil is completely normal.

James and I had noend of arguements when Lily was born. I dont know if its '2nd child syndrome' or what, but we bickered all day, ever day, for about 3 months. I cant offer much advice, other than ride the storm, it will pass - you may not think it at the moment, but it will.

I read so many posts before I had Lily where 2nd time mummies were all saying how you basically 'wing it' for the first 4 months... oh my, how true those words were!

If you can bf, then I would stick with it - Lily is formula fed and I pay £10 a week for her milk! It really does add up. How about expressing? Its a one off cost for an expresser, but thats it.

Awen could just be 'at that age' of moaning. Lily was great for 2 weeks, then between 2 adn 8 weeks was a total NIGHTMARE!!! I cant put into words how much she screamed. I did change her milk and also introduced a MAM dummy, which both worked wonders.

Stop beating yourself up about not spending so much quality time with C. After the first 4 months are over, you will be able to pop A down and she will just chill out while you can play with C. She will also enjoy watching you and C play.

I am a bit rubbish at this sort of stuff, but I remember being exactly where you were 3 months ago and I was pulling my hair out. But, it does get better sweetie xxx

I havent got any experience with having 2babies but you are doing a fab job x
Ive read a few post and heard things with the 2nd babie the relationship between mummy & daddy are strained like Laura said. Men dont understand how tired mums actually get i knw when callums ill and up all night i flip at pete all the time and thts just with one x
I agree with Laura as in when Awens settled and you can put her down happily you can spend some time with C xx

right mrs what shall I say

You are beating yourself up again because you have higher expectations of yourself than any human should. You are superwoman I know but even she needs to tone it down a gear when she is tired and hormonal.

I would guess A is actually hungry in the afternoons because even though she is bfing well she may not be getting as much as she needs (happens a lot apparently). I would top her up with formula a bit more and maybe mix the bf feeds with formula feeds until you find the balance.

As for the being trapped by bfing I know totally what you mean. I wouldn't do it if there was ever a next time for that reason alone. You could express but we both know what that did to us last time around - there were more tears than milk in the bottles as I recall. At least if you do some bf and some formula it will keep the cost lower.

As for C. She is a smart cookie and will be fine. Once A is in a good routine and Neil is a bit more useful with her you can make it up to C with planned times to do things. Time is all about quality. I only see Wil for an hour at each end of the day really other than weekends so even if you can manage a couple of hours a day spread over the day with C while A is sleeping she will be getting as much as Wil does permanently. Put A in the pushchair and go to the park with them both. A will sleep in the fresh air and you and C can have some fun. Forget the other house stuff you think you need to do, as long as you all have clean pants to wear and food to eat (even that can be quick) the rest will wait, spending time with C and A is more important right now.

You know I am here for you so chin up, big hugs and we will carry you through this. (Maybe a ticker counting down to A being 4 months will help you see the light at the end of the tunnel)

Ya know what hunni - I could honestly have written that whole post word for word about 9 months ago. I'm not just saying it to make you feel better - every single point you made in there was exactly how I felt - even down to times etc. I bf'ed Hannah to 5 weeks and got to the exact same point you seem to be at now.

I can't help much other than to say it all seems very normal to me and you are not doing anything wrong at all. C wont hold it against you hun and it does get so much easier.

I know it all sounds so cliche - "you're doing well, it gets easier" blah blah but it is true hun and how you are feeling is normal. Certainly doesn't make it any easier hun but sometimes its nice to know you're not going mad.

The only thing I did at that stage that made me feel semi human again (and I'm actually a little scared to write this down for fear of the BF police jumping out of my sideboard and arresting me) is give up BF and put Hannah on a bottle. I don't want to sound like I'm encouraging you to stop - just telling you what I did but it was the best decision I made - ever! It wasn't an over night solution and took a week or so to get us into a routine but boy did it take a weight of my shoulders. It didn't help with the OH situation either because he used to say that she woudnt take it right off him etc (lazy shit! ) but we managed to draw feeds out to every 3 hours from 1.5 and I got time to play with Thomas between

Anyway hun - I don't really know what to say that will help coz it really is a tough time in those first 3-4 months but what I can say is OMG is it worth it!! My two are best buddies now and I can't even imagine them not having each other to play with. Every day - 10 times a day - they do something that melts my heart and another 10 that have me in stiches (and another 10 that drive me batty ) and having them close is the best (but hardest) thing I've ever done.

Stick with it hun - you'll get there


xx

lol did you not read my posts few months ago...... EXACTLY the same!! with differnt names!!

ME and rob are constantly having a go and each othe (me at him more) we have a good days then our bad. I feel Im always nagging him so he goes out to get away and I nag never more as hes not here! I think its all normal hun, does get bit better in time. tiredness nad trying to keep on top of things has a lot to answer for!we're still not 100% but guess its somethin we will have to work at.

As for BF and formula... again I was driving myself into the groud BF I was sooo emotional (why we were arguing all the time) and I felt I was losing the plot. I was spriling down. I didnt want to give up BF at all, but after postin on here and some sugested I gave up, I reluctantly did, I dropped a few feeds so I could still BF a little!! OMG I was a new person!! A Hollie settled better and B I wasnt so tied. Ok will admit it was hard to take that step of stopping and cried myself to sleep a few nights feeling guilty but was the best thing I ever did. and I can thank the ladies on here fo that (DEBS espcially!)
BUT like you say its finacialy its a nightmare!! lillie gets through £10 a week in formula but I just thought well if I carry on like this Il end up with PND, we'l have to get by £10 less a week (which is hell alot to us at the mo)

I also have a friend (real life one, amazin hey I have real friends! haha) but she had a LO not long ago and shes got a toddler also, and she was exactly the same she was so depressed and was questionin her and her OH I said to her what I did, she also started introducing formula and shes now a new person.

Some times hun we need to step back a little and need to think about ourselves without running us into the ground. really hope you feel better soon. time out for your self is def needed! and for you too susan

well, there's heaps for you to get your teeth into here so i won't add much more (also i don't know anything about baby number twosies so i will stay out of it!) just that it sounds like you are understandably knackered...and life will get easier so don't pay too much attention to yourself just now

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the breastfeeding mafia

that's me! haha not really, just you have gotten so far, you may as well keep going as it will get easier for real pretty soon (and as gemz said and i -lengthily- said in susan's post, combination feeding was an absolute lifesaver for me).

How was she born? Did you have a c-section or did I make that up. Only I know nothing about second kids but I do know Jamie seemed to feed constantly (and still does at times but its different for me as I only have him to concentrate on) but I do know that at 6 or 7 weeks I suddenly felt a lot better after being very tired and tearful and I think it was where my body had healed itself so it didn't have that to deal with as well

Aw you poor thing! Don't beat yourself up. Some days I could easily put a pillow over marks head. Once sleeping kicks in it will get better. Rubbish for the short term. Your toddler will be fine. My eldest has been sharing me since she was 13 months old and she's a happy little soul. Maybe show your oh this post? With bf it must be great to do it but don't pressure yourself. At the start everyone is up In the air but your toddler won't suffer for it. You're doing a great job xx

Thanks guys. A lot to consider there, its nice to know its a reltively normal feeling anyway so sorry if i dont answer everyone individually

Liberty yes i had a c section so thats interesting thanks, deffo might be to do with healing. Ive taken longer to get back on top of things healing wise this time which doc and mw said was cos i have c to run after-or i 'overdid it' in their words but am doing much better now so hopefully itll settle.

Ihad a chat to neil today and said i was sorry if i snapped at him when i was tired, he was fine about it and i said he did need to take on board what i said as well. I said at times the bfing was tough and he said he would rather i stuck with it as its good for her and we are skint! Ive said im sticking to it for now as im managing and part of me does want to too but if feeling this way persists i will reconsider

Its been a better day anyway i made a picnic and took the girls to the park to eat it then feed the squirrels some peanuts and this afternoon went to town with mum to get Awen some new dummies and when Neil came home and was cooking dinner Awen fell asleep so C and I had a game of tickle chase round the house before i read her some stories. Awens had a better day too she slept 3.5 hours this afternoon and though she then fed 4 times in 3 hours she was fairly content in between and even laid there smiling at me. Shes in her bed upstairs again tonight and gonna have an early night to see if can catch some extra zeds between feeds as kept myself awake last night thinking. Feeling a bit less like im failing them both today though so thanks