Q & A :)

Subject: Q & A :) Thu Apr 21, 2011 10:02 am

Answers to commonly asked questions about pregnancy and childbirth:
Pregnancy:
Q. Should I have a baby after 35?
A. No, 35 children are more than enough.

Q. When will my baby move?
A. With any luck, right after he finishes high school.

Q. How will I know if my vomiting is morning sickness or the flu?
A. If it’s the flu, you’ll get better.

Q. Since I became pregnant, my breasts, rear-end, and even my feet
have grown. Is there anything that gets smaller during pregnancy?
A. Yes, your bladder.

Q. What is the most common pregnancy craving?
A. For the men to be the ones who get pregnant.

Q. What is the most reliable method to determine a baby’s sex?
A. Childbirth.

Q. What’s the difference between a nine-month pregnant woman and a
model?
A. Nothing, if the pregnant woman’s husband knows what’s good for him.

Childbirth and Labor:
Q. My childbirth instructor says it’s not pain I’ll feel during
labor, but pressure. Is she right?
A. Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q. When is the best time to get an epidural?
A. Right after you find out you’re pregnant.

Q. Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my
wife is in labor?
A. Not unless the word “alimony” means anything to you.

Q. What does it mean when the baby’s head is crowning?
A. It means you feel as though not only a crown but the entire throne
is trying to make its way out of you.

Q. Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A. Yes, pregnancy.

After Childbirth:
Q. Where is the best place to store breast milk?
A. In your breasts.

Q. Is there a safe alternative to breast pumps?
A. Yes, baby lips.

Q. How does one sanitize nipples?
A. Bathe daily and wear a clean bra. It beats boiling them in a
saucepan.

Q. Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and
act normal again?
A. When the kids are in college.