Well I finally told my mil what I thought of her although am a little worried about the affect its going to have on oh.

We haven't got on for a long time. She's made me feel awful for ages to the point I felt so worthless I didn't feel life was worth living. She's always ignoring what we say about Jamie, has told me in the past that I was spoiling him by bf and once physically stopped me getting to him when he was crying. It was really petty today what I flipped over. She wanted us to go outside and I said no as it was really sunny and we had no suntan lotion. As usual she ignored us and it was the final straw. Oh doesn't get on with her anyway and has offered to cut her out. The thing is I don't want him to fall out with his mum over me but I really can't imagine seeing her again so I don't know what to do

Oh hun I remember you saying about your cow of a MIL and her stopping you getting to Jamie. How you didn't hit her I have no idea! I think you need to have a good long chat with your OH about how you both feel about her and how to handle the situation. Then you can present a united front that you're both happy with xxx

Well, lets hope a) she either grows up, or b) you dont have to see her again.

Your OH is old enough to make his own choices, and if she was that good a mother to him, he would at least try to fix things, but he seems happy to cut her out, which speaks volumes.

x

I can 100% empathise with you right now!!!

Grr MILs I had a huge row with MIL when Caitlin was just slightly younger than Jamie - it too seemed petty at the time but it was a build up of her doi9ng things with Caitlin 'her' way and disregarding what me or stuart said. She was obsessed with the idea of bottle feeding Caitlin and urged me to express and leave Caitlin from she was about 1 week old. I honestly think she had (still has!) mental health problems with regards seeing others perspectives/being selfish. She acted like Caitlin was hers and was wanting us to visit 4 or 5 days a week for hrs at a time and then still said we didnt let her see her grandchild enough!

Anyway what happened was the day of the row I got it off my chest how pissed off I was, tired I had been and how selfish she was etc ... and then I didnt see her for 2 weeks. I just decided I wasnt visiting again until she was prepared to have an adult discussion with me about the way she had been behaving and how this was impacting on everyone. I invited her over every other day via Stuart and she refused, begging him to just take Caitlin form me and bring her over himself. She then begged him to get me to come over and pretend nothing had happened.
Eventually when she realised I wasnt giving in she did come o9ver and talk - but tbh looking back it didnt really achieve much. She cried about how hard her life was with stuart, how pushed out she felt, how id been brainwashed in hospital and wouldnt take her advice on anything, was rude (but wouldnt give an example when asked), and that the last 2 weeks I had caused her stress which could cause her Cancer to return! GRRRRR!!!

In the end after that I did go back over to MILs but it was agreed that it would be for an hr on a sunday and she could have Caitlin for 1 morning a week for 1-2hrs on her own (basically so as I didnt have to be in same room as her!) . I know MIL didnt think this was enough but couldnt argue as I think she had realised I was capable of standing up for myself.

In saying all that if you have read my most recent posts its evident MILs personality still hasnt changed. She will always be controlling and interfering, I dont think we will ever get on.... but will prob rub along for stuart and Caitlins sake. The relationship has felt quite fake recently and I know thats just going to get worse.

What I will say kind of in both our MILS defence is I admit that some of the things I got so angry about prob werent as harmful to Caitlin as I thought they were at the time, and maybe I should have been more relaxed/realised she was an old fart and I could just smile and bear it. Good on you for sticking up for yourself, maybe its what MIL needed to hear.

Id say give her some space, then a chance to say her piece and then set down rules and try and maintain some contact with Jamie - be it just your OH takes him round for 1 hr a week and gives you a break. She will lose interest as he gets older, MIL now rings us looking Caitlin taken home after 3 hrs - she is def a baby person and not a toddler person which I think proves that along she has been more focused on her needs being met than Caitlins.

Did I not read before in AB that your MIL was seen by a dr due to the BF incident? Did that not shock her into sorting her attitude out? Sorry to have ranted on so much! MIL is on my mind today and you have provided me with a chance to rant!!!!

Hope you ok, you did the right thing and she sounds like she needs help!!!

She did see a dr and was diagnosed with depression. As someone who has suffered with it I can sympathise but it doesn't give her an excuse to act the way she does. I hate the way she treats oh. She makes it clear she prefers her other children and only wants to see Jamie. She's selfish and manipulative. Will try your suggestions though ladies. Thank you

i cant believe she stopped you from getting to jamie, thsat is shocking i think id have punched her tbh!!! well done for standing up for yourself!! i agree i think you need to talk with oh, both agree on something to suit you both, even if it means cutting her out of your lives, whatever will make you both happy...what a cow x

i cant believe she stopped you getting to your child!! i would have floored the fecker

If it means falling out so be it hun, you have put up with enough SHITE



good luck whatever happens

Sorry but she sounds like a selfish feck to me and you did right chewing her out, id have knocked her head clean from her shoulders for the last incident so you are a better person than me. Hopefully it might knock some sense into her

yeh well done for holding out so long tbh. you did the right thing.
I cant believe she stopped you getting to your crying baby I would have turned into a wild animal!!!!

I just want to say as well that I used to get very very angry at a lot of things my mil did too. she wasnt as bad as yours but she did go behind my back on a few occasions. she gave hannah a bit of shortbread while she was still on purees and we were struggling with her eating them at6 months old. she then called me horrible names for going mad about it.

I would never EVER leave hannah alone with her because she usedto be a childcare worker and was sacked for walking away from children on trips out more than once. I would never trust her. her defence is "I wouldnt do that with hannah though" ??? yeh but you do it with someone elses kid when you are being paid to look after them.
but I must say I dont get angry at her anymore. OH takes her to visit once a week so I dont have to see her much. but there was a time when I would avoid her for weeks on end and not let hannah go without me I was that angry.

I think a lot of it is down to mothers instinct. protecting our babies from people we think are doing them harm.

xx