Just wondered how you feel about your children and religion? Before i start I'm not trying to offend, I'm not religious and if anything I say does offend it really wasn't meant in that way!

As I said I'm not religious at all and Matt no longer is so Imogen won't be brought up around one religion constantly. I'm happy for her to learn about all religions and encourage that, I want her to have an open mind.

I guess my worry, don't know if it's really a worry but anyways.. Matt's family, they are very religious - Christian and would have loved for me to be too. I think ideally they would have liked Matt to find a christian gf and when that didn't happen they were very encouraging in me going to church and church youth groups. I went along with it and at one point i was going to three church groups a week plus actual sunday service. It just wasn't for me and once Matt and I got engaged I just sort of said look enoughs enough, I'm not going anymore. Around the same time Matt stopped going to church too. He was never as 'into' it as his parents in my opinion, his family disagree. But he'd never really read the bible, never got involved actively with church just what his parents were doing, and to me it seemed he just went along with the idea of it cause that was just family life.

Now fast forward 3yrs, his family still not so subtley drop hints they'd like us to return to the church but generally accept it probs won't happen. I just wonder the affect they will have on Imogen and her views. I would not say they are rude about other religions but they are very set in God is it and other religions are probably the work of the devil. They also aren't open to views such as evolution, to them it's just a random theory. Now thats fine for them but I don't want Imogen to be told that is what is right and thats that. Like I said I'd like her to be open minded. I'm hoping that anything she does get told as she gets older she will understand is an opinion and she can have her own opinions. Think maybe i'm worried that she'll feel a little hounded, as if i'm honest that's how I felt when I first started seeing Matt and his family met me. His bro and sis and their families are very religious also so when it's a family event it's hard to get away from. Plus their house is used by the church for many events so whenever you're there it really really is hard to get away from.

I don't know where I'm going with this, I'm just unsure how to go about telling Imogen and getting her to understand that Daddy's family believe in God and it's ok if you want to believe that too but it's also ok to not believe that, when to be honest when we're there the general feeling is it's not ok to not believe in God.

I'm probs worrying about nothing but it does give me things to think about.

My mum was an atheist but decided that she wanted to give me a chance to make up my own mind. I went to Girls Brigade from the age of 3 and Sunday School from the age of 5 - we never went to church but. No one in my extended family was religious and I never felt pressured. There were some very religious famillies in my street growing up and I used to go to bible camps in their gardens for a week or 2 in summer holidays as well.

By the time I got to 10/11 I stopped going to Sunday school but kept up GB until I was 15 as there were other aspects to it apart from God, eg crafts, dance, trips etc.
Im not religous at all now (though I did become a christian for a year or 2 aged 14/15- there was a boy I fancied went and it was a very modern church that was quite fun to go to - they had raves on a fri nite and ppl used to get drunk out the back lol).

Anyway, I think il bring Caitlin up the same way as I was. Its up to her to chose what she believes and I will help that by firstly sending her to GB and then to Sunday school. If she hates either she can stop, i'l not force her to go just give her the option. I'l be honest too and say that I dont believe it all but the people that run them are kind and encourage her to go and have fun/make friends.

My cousin who was brought up atheist and didnt attend Sunday school became a major christian at 16 and is now married with 2 kids and VERY into her church. A bot like Matts parents they have 'house group' at their home some evenings and are involved in other things. Her children are being brought up with all that and are going to have quite a different upbringing to Caitlin. I dont think my cousin will push religion down Caitlins throat, and if she did offer for her to go to a holiday bible group with her kids I would let her go.

I think its sounds like how your thinking of bringing Immi up is fine. If Matts parents get to much just say to Immi when she gets home from their house that they believe differently to you and Matt but thats ok. As she gets older and makes her own mind up she will either be joining in with them and begging you not to go to hell lol (sorry!) or she will just smile to be polite and roll her eyes about them later.
If she says things like nanny says I should believe in God - just repeat to her thats what nannys thinks but not what mummy and daddy thinks, or even better just ask her what she thinks.

Im not sure were im going with my reply either lol, ranting as usual , but I basically wouldnt worry about it too much. Id let in laws get on with it and go with the whole everyone believes different things lines to Immi x

This is a difficult one for me as Dan and I are very anti religion as we do not believe in any of it at all. Obviously it is each to their own and if others believe and find comfort in it then it is great for them but i would not want others to be pushing their views on Lily. I will certainly not be trying to put her off religion as it is completely up to her. I would try and say to the in laws that you want Imogen to make her own mind up and that you intend to encourage her to question rather than to accept the opinions of others and could they respect this.

If this fails maybe you could get them a copy of The God Delusion for Xmas and create a massive family row

I think that if you get the opportunity, you need to make it clear to his family that you do not wish for your children to be influenced in any way.

When I was pregnant with Aimee, my MIL mentioned a christening, at which I said we may not do it. I was told that my child would go to purgatory if she died and that I was awful for not doing it (obviously we were not aware what we were in for at the time). Well, as you can imagine, I stuck my heels in and refused to do it on principle. She was blessed by the hospital chaplin the night before her operation (I was desperate and would have sold my soul!!), and im glad we did it, but it wasnt really a religious blessing, just him saying some nice words.

I am not in any way religious. I think that religion is one of the main causes of war and thats never good. I do believe that people should have faith in what they want, whatever that may be, but would be really angry if anybody tried to influence my kids in any direction.

So, I agree with you entirely x

oh god this is my biggest gripe with OH's family.
They send Tyler books that the'yve bought from church but they all have a religious undertone to them. the one that got me was the last page of this book that said
"God makes the seasons, god makes things grow"

erm bollocks does he, can you imagine being sat in school when the sciencce teacher says what makes flowers grow "god does sir" haha yeh right!

Needless to say I wasn't happy, they don't believe in evolution or anything scientific like that, they have an answer to everything and are VERY religious. Luckily they are nearly 5000 miles away so not going to be seeing us regularly and if they do say and try to teach things to Tyler Im just going to tell him that they are stories someone wrote many many years ago and some people beleive they are true and some don't but no one really knows the truth.
Im happy for him to learn the bible and all about the stories but I won't be pushing him into anything religious when I think it's a load of rubbish

I wouldn't be happy with anyone trying to influence Amelia. My cousin is 4 and goes to catholic school and seriously has a melt down every time you throw acup of water down the sink or flush the toilet because your throwing away her holy water. I don't think its fair and is akin to brainwashing in my opinion

Dave's Mum is Christian, so much so that the vicar and his wife are at most family events. His Mum has invited me (and Dave) to church on things like Xmas, Easter, Mothers day etc but we've always politely (on my part anyway) declined. Dave wanted Amelia christened and I said I wouldn't stand in the way of that but I would prefer to let her make her own mind up. I believe in treating others as you would like to be treated and some moral guidance you gain from religion but other than that I don't find my answers in religion.

I think you should just keep declining if it's not for you. Maybe allow Immy to attend the larger religious festivals to keep everyone happy? She'll probably enjoy them too x

Karl and I are not religious i.e we dont go to church etc etc. Our families are not either

I personally think that the religious teachings are valuable life lessons though. For example, the Bible tells stories that have morals to them. Buddhism particularly teaches alot of wisdom and helpful common sense advice.

I will be buying Cerys a children's bible when she is able to read properly. I had one when I was a child and I enjoyed reading the stories that were simply and colourfully illustrated. It taught me about sharing, considering other people, being kind to people and helping them when they need it etc etc.

I dont agree with preaching religion, to adults or children. I agree with the basic wisdom of the bible and I believe that these are lessons that need to be learnt by everyone but put across in a way that fits with modern times xx

Thanks for replying to my ramblings. I'm going to keep going as planned, just telling her we all have our own views and introduce her to all religions and let her make her own mind up.

She has a children's bible and I'm happy for her to read/look at it as like you said Leah it does teach good morals. I think i object to god created the world story but apart from that i really don't mind her reading stories.

I tend to consider myself 'spiritual' rather than religious. I believe in a higher power and have a tendency to believe all religions (the main ones iykwim) are basically the same with a few names changed, i dont believe one religion has the right to say 'we are the only ones who are right'. So i go to church with my mum mainly because it keeps her happy and i do have certain beliefs.

I know my OH doesnt approve much of me taking C and having her christened cos he thinks kids should be free to choose. And I actually totally agree with him in that if she doesnt like it when shes older then fine but how does someone know if somethings for them if they have never been exposed to it. Do you know if you like inuit food or not as an analogy? So i dont see the harm in letting her go when i go and then later she can withdraw if it suits her, im not rabid about it and actually feel belief is both a personal and private thing anyway so im never gonna force the issue. And like snoops says at worst you can say sunday school is run by kind hearted people who want to make the world a better place and if she doesnt agree with them I will probably take a very similar stance in telling her that her beliefs are her own (I keep saying Her cos C is the more aware one atm) and like Leah i think that on a basic level the morals of love, compassion, generosity, hope that are taught in tebible are those i want her to learn so will encourage her to read and learn but without ever leting anyone preach at her.

Does that make sense? Im a bit tired now and it may not

I agree about Sunday school. I have let in laws take Immi to church on Sundays quite a few times, as at this level it's only a few stories and fun play and having been to that church I know it's run by lovely people.

My problem was more the teen group. I was under the impression it was a discussion/learning group but mostly found it was a 'this is what we believe it is right' type of group, when I tried to question anything cause i was actually quite curious and wanted answer i was always shot down and basically told to shut up. That was probably more because of the arrogant asses in my group rather than the church though

Thats my main beef with religion, the in your face im the only one who is right types. Live and let live should be a main tenet of religion!

Ok, grew up with parents both a denomination of christian, mum c of e and dad (and mum for a time) mormens for a while. Mormens according to my mum nearly ripped the family apart as the church would not allow dad to be at home when needed. (only ogt half a story and knowing my mum, probs a skewed version)

I grew up being encouraged ot be godly with syaings like 'cleanliness next to godliness' and encouraged ot attend sunday school but totally my choice. I enjoyed going to and really did kind of get and buy in to the whole thing. I becomae a christian at a youth camp at thirteen and the feeling was just kind of amazing at the time but also kind of weird other worldy. And I continued in christian youth groups till about 19 but at 18 met a bloke and stuidly slept with him (he didnt really have much going for him, albino, twitchy eyes that couldnt stop twitching so he drank lots to steady them and two police cautions plus wanted me to move in with im, paint his room pinik and get a heart shaped bed! LOL) which I felt wasnt exactly christian but then kind of went back to it all.

Bu then a year later i met dae and got into a relationship with him, loved him and wanted to be with him in every sense of the word and so the hwole waiting till after marriage thing was not some thing happening. so knowing this is kind of outside of the views of christians and the fact that Dave is not christian, it felt hypocritical to go to church etc yet know i am not living/trying to live in a chritian way.

So for this reason, i will not have sophia christened and would prefer for her to make her own mind up but would never stop her experimenting.

Also, my sister is very much christian and for this reason, i do not think I would wnat her as a guardian becasue she isnt living to the same ideals as me and i want sophis to shape herself not be shaped by a way she is being told by someone else iyswim?(not sure i do now1 lol)

So, I think children should be children, be brought up to know right and wrong and be exposed to religious possibilities but ulimately it should be their own choice when they are mature enought o make that choice.

MAndy xx