Ok im losing the plot! Dont know if its Caitlins age, her getting annoyed that im a lazy tired mummy atm, the fact im hormonal, or the fact that quitting smoking has made me an irritable moo.... but Caitlins tantrums seem to be getting worse this last month.

Yesterday and today have been pretty bad. She has started hitting. Today she stood and repeatedly punched at my stomach. I picked her up to stop her and she slapped me full wack across the face (she has also hit my mum and stuart). I ended up putting her in her cot to calm down (something I do because is safe but I have my reservations about doing as I dont want bed to be a punishment). I wont be doing that again as I opened the door after 1 min to check on the mini exorcist and she was hanging half over cot rail (time for cotbed possibly!). Putting her in her cot also seemed to escalate the tantrum not calm her down.

Iv tried saying no and moving away, results in being chased and hit or her pulling her clothes off (ripped her vest yday in the process, she was like the hulk lol). She gets herself so worked up its like she cant stop. Yday after 20 min of utter screaming and her getting so upset (all over getting dressed) I ended up cuddling her and rubbing her back until she calmed down, and then distracted her with going out in the car. Stuart doesnt agree with this and says cuddling a tantrum is teaching her that bad behaviour results in a cuddle? He says to ignore her completley until she stops. He doesnt do this but and every 5 min riles her more by saying 'stop it now Caitlin' or reminding her of why we are cross. This just puts her right back into full tantrum mode.

In shops she wont stay in trolley and hangs out to the point she appears to be suicidal. this results in her getting her own way and either being let run about with Stuart keeping an eye on her while I shop, or being carried. This annoys me as in reinforcing to her that a tantrum gets her own way. I cant have her hanging out a trolley by her toes but!

So 2 problems... if a tantrum isnt calming down do you comfort your toddler or is that giving in? And also what general discipline technique do you use? I used to tap her hand but unfortunately I think this is why she has started hitting. Also time out in cot now appears to be dangerous and also time alone seems to escalate the tantrum not calm her down.

Aww hun i am having the exact problems with Immi and i did a post about it. Advice i got was just ignore her and I must say it's really working. Before i was ignoring her but bit like Stuart trying to calm her down by saying stop now and it was making it worse. Now I just sit as far away from her as possibly and even get the laptop out so i'm paying no attention to her. She now stops fairly soon and comes and gives me a hug to say sorry. So although it seems harsh and hard to do for us its really worked. Plus she's gone from having tantrums at every tiny little thing to maybe one a day.

I would say I think hugging is counter productive as i feel it's teaching them they get love and attention by screaming the place down. My SIL does this with her little one and i hate to say it but me and Matt have started to view neice as a bit bratty as she will literally scream over nothing, and gets hugs for it. Thats just my opinion though, if it works for you and Caitlin thats fine

Your prob right Michelle, it does work for Caitlin in a way eg it stops the tantrum BUT it isnt teaching her not to do things in the 1st place. I just hate seeing her so upset to the point she cant get her breath and is sobbing big fat tears. Im maybe too soft.

Need to get Stuart on side with the 100% ignoring. Its so hard to do but when they look like they are hurting themselves and destroying clothes/books etc in the process.

Glad to hear its probably an age thing, iv been wondering is it my parenting style causing it or the fact she has picked up on the new baby and is taking her frustrations out. Maybe we should stop talking to her about the baby so much as it so far away...

Toddler are bloody hard work!!!!

Just wondering hun if there may be something that triggers the tantrums to become full on ones? Do they happen when she's getting tired? Is it when you're having to get housework done? When she's hungry etc? I was just wondering from a prevention being better than a cure perspective. x

Right - Caitlin is Milo in a skirt!!

I really really feel for you, Milo's tantrums got 1000% worse when I got pregnant, just as I couldn't move around so much and keep him entertained. He would be much the same - hitting, screaming, couldn't calm himself down. Problem was, if i ignored him he just got worse and louder and scarier, if i hugged him he would beat me to a pulp.. I think i spent about 4 months in tears!

Ignoring works really really well with some kids, like Shell said and I'm very jealous so it might work well with Caitlin, all I've found that works with Milo is to hold him down (not hug him, but gently restrain him so he can't hurt himself or me,that often calms him down v quickly and he'll come to me full of smiles for hugs and kisses, either that or as LisaG said, just pre-empting. If we're shopping and he starts to get grumbly, we'll just give him a snack or a walk outside to get a change of scenery, if we're at home I've found i really need to keep an eye on whether he's hungry or tired or needs something, it doesn't necessarily stop the tantrum but it helps me know if it can be cured quickly by giving him a hug so he can sleep, giving him something to eat or by just sitting on him if he's being a bum for no reason

Just read that last bit back and it sounds patronising, didn't mean it like that at all cos i find it so difficult to work out why he's angry sometimes.. like yesterday he screamed nonstop for half an hour because his toy ambulance was stuck under the sofa - i had to restrain him (gently!) until he'd stopped screaming, tried giving him a drink/fruit/walk, all refused until he'd calmed down enough to point at the sofa and yell "truck!! neenaw! there! THERE!"

LisaGandAmelia wrote:

Just wondering hun if there may be something that triggers the tantrums to become full on ones? Do they happen when she's getting tired? Is it when you're having to get housework done? When she's hungry etc? I was just wondering from a prevention being better than a cure perspective. x

Hmmm triggers yday were getting dressed, that caused a major one (thats when she ripped her vest), this afternoon she started again when getting changed to go out with her granda and to stop a tantrum I let her wear the daft pink leggings she wanted to (she went out looking like a clown compared to her cousin who honestly is immaculate 99% of the time), again tonight the huge tantrum started because she was getting nappy changed and pj's on.

Other triggers are her helping herself to strawberries out of fridge and being told no as she's already ate far too much fruit, or me taking them off her to wash and chop first, erm her bear going in the washing machine was the start of another one today - she had just dipped it in the loo so it had to be done!

Bless Milo and his truck! Usually I know why Caitlin is peed off but cant understand the dramatic reaction (well I can, she's a toddler at the end of the day!). Tonight she calmed after being ignored for a while and eventually allowed to climb on to daddys knee for a hug (with her dummy). Id just love to find away to calm her before it gets so extreme, nip it in the bud so to speak. God I really hope this doesnt continue for 4 months!!! My only hope is that she gets this out of her system and i learn how to deal with it before baby arrives. Guessing this behaviour would be harder to cope with if you had a newborn aswell.

snoopy21 wrote:

Other triggers are her helping herself to strawberries out of fridge and being told no as she's already ate far too much fruit, or me taking them off her to wash and chop first

oh god i hate this one! I swear i spend so much time going "But I'm doing something nice for you, why are you hitting me??!" "I'm HELPING you, why are you screaming?!!"

Then I find myself mumbling..it's just a stage..just a stage..and working out how many days until i finish breastfeeding and I'm able to crack open the vodka

Yup im seriously counting down the weeks until I can become an alcoholic and sing my way through the day Next summer for sure

I have to say gals i ignore Sam completely! I refuse to even look at him when he tantrums and he very rarely does it now. But not everyone can tune out and everyone deals with it differently hun xx

I agree the completely ignoring DOES work.. ok its not very practical when your out and about but at home it does the trick.

Is Caitlin's room safe enough for her to be left alone in it?

I would try giving her a warning for her behaviour saying "if you don't stop screaming/kicking or whatever then mummy/daddy is going to leave you in here to calm down" if she doesn't stop then go.
It doesn't have to be for long but just be consistent.

If it seems to eb a random tantrum then just ignore her. Tyler does it sometimes first thing in the morning - I have no idea WHY he does it, but he will jus tstart screaming and throws himself on the floor, I can peak out the corner of my eye at him and he looks at me, will scream to see if I react and if I don't he'll try again. But after a while he ends up coming over to me and he's normal Tyler again.

If we're out shopping Tyler is either in the trolly and he helps me pack things (like putting the fruit or veg in the bags) or putting other things behind him in the trolly. We give him a snack while we're going round.
If he's not in the trolly he holds on to the trolley and everything we buy we give to Tyler to put in the Trolley and it keeps his mind on that rather than causing mayhem!