Seem to be f*cking up royally lately

Ever since we started using the naughty step with c shes gone out in the hall with the stair gate shut. The 1st time i tried to use the naughty corner it took 40 mins of me putting her back every 20 seconds and in the end she was hysterical and i was exhausted so i started using the stair gate and putting her in the hall.

Lately shes been so damned defiant saying no to everything i do and being mouthy and rude and today i got annoyed and told her do as she was told or step and she said 'ill go on the step'. Only she then started playing in the hall so i told her t sit on the step and she refused so i went out and put her on the step and as soon as i did she sprang up. It went on and on and on and on i literally couldnt get her to sit down without actually holding her there and she was just screaming at me and fighting and i felt like a complete biatch. In the end she was so hysterical screaming for a cuddle i sat her on the sofa and she was heaving and sobbing. I explained she had been sent out for not doing as she was told but that she needed to sit on the step when she was told to or she was gonna start sitting out there for a long time and she said sorry and hugged me

But i just feel like ive failed utterly. I failed the 1st time i tried the step, took the easy way out and now shes worked that out ive failed again. I dont want to be a tyrant and reduce my 2 year old to hysterics and be a figure of fear in her life but i cant have her being a brat either. I seem to be getting it all wrong lately and im f%^&ed off and fed up. What the hell do i do

Have no advice really sorry chick, just wanted you too know that I feel for you! I am going through a defiant phase with Jake! Sorry for short message, smallish person and phone are not a good combo!

Xx

hun, i have had the same problem, oh has a right go at me and says i was too soft as she wold get her self into such a state and i would then hug her, which then meant lilly thought she would get cuddles when i tried to use time out.

it is so difficult and lilly is really pushing my buttons atm and she just doesnt listen with the time out spot, she plays/talks/jumps around and messes about when i put her on it, every time i go back and fourth about 6 times until finally she sits still, it has been getting less and less going to put her back and hopefully she is nearly there with staying 1st time!

sorry im not much help but i think that persuvering (sp) with it is working for me, sometimes i could cry i feel so bad seeing her in such a state i just want to scoop her up and make her happy again, but at the end of the day i must remember the reason why i put her there!

i hope c starts to clam down a bit and starts to stay put and listen or you sort something else out?

big hugs my lovely xxxxxxxxx

Aww Mario, wish I could say something useful, but I haven't used a naughty step with Milo yet (will do soon though, probably as soon as I can catch him again! )

What I do tell myself to stay vaguely sane during tantrums is remember that screaming and hysterics are the only way he knows to show his frustration. I know C is way, way more advanced when it comes to speaking, but when that angry switch goes on, screams and tears are the first thing to come out, BUT it doesn't mean she hates you, it doesn't mean you're doing something wrong it just means she's a super clever girl who's trying to communicate as best she can. And then I remember the old supernanny kids-need-boundaries-or-they-freak-out-more-in-the-long-run speech. But I am rubbish at dealing with tantrums at the moment, so don't listen to me too much.

Just keep your chin up tiger, you are an amazing mummy!

ok I haven't found myself in this situation and would probably have a totally different answer if I did but Ive got my supernanny head on and all I can say is this...

you have to be consistent and you have to not let her win. Ok it might take you one hour or more just to get her to sit on the step for those 2 minutes but once you've done it once she will know that she can't get away with it anymore and each time should get easier and easier.

It's one warning and then the step and then that's it, no talking no engaging in anything don't even tell her to sit on the step just put her back on it and if you can try not to look at her, she is a very intelligent little girl remember and I'm sure she knows that getting hysterical is going to result in mummy giving her a hug, so no matter how bad she gets she has to sit on the step for two minutes.

now my mummy head poor you it must be really hard thing to do but I think if you can be strong for the first few times she will learn that she can't mess with mummy (fingers crossed!)

Aww, hun..don't beat yourself up about it
I don't really use a step but I use a spot (as they are more readily available lol)
It took time at first for him to actually get the message to stay putt..but now he knows I mean business when he goes on 'the spot'.
Be firm/assertive, straight to the point..if she's wailing just walk away, kiddies are the masters of manipulation and thats when the tears start..cos they know that presses our buttons. If Oliver starts the crying and believe me he does the full on heartbreaking cry, bright red and streaming tears cry..I have to walk away cos I know i will want to give in if I witness it..but I have to keep it in the back of my head that he is not in control and I am doing it for all our sakes in the long run. Also, he doesn't cry half as long as he used too, cos he knows he's not getting anywhere with it..its actually quite funny cos he gets so heartbroken - after about 30secs in he realises that its not working he just stops instantainiously lol
It has got so much easier over time though.
As long as he is on 'the spot' he can do what he likes (within reason) but basically if he wants to tinker with something that is in range such as a zipp on a pillow etc, so be it! If I say No! I know he will do it all the more and it will become a completely different battle, as long as he remains on the spot for 2 mins - on his bum or on his head!
Also, if his misbehaving involves one of his toys he gets 1 warning that the toy will be removed for the day, for example he was being really defiant this morning with his Ride-on and ramming it into furniture, he got warned, he persisted so the toy was removed and I stayed strong too - go me but omg he didn't half winge for it for a good half hour!

But be strong hun, don't give in cos as soon as she senses your weakness she will play on it to get her own way. (I don't mean it to sound patronising) but its all about consistency (so Jo 'supernanny' Frost says!)
It does get so much easier believe me. xx

You haven't failed hun, sometimes I've had to hold Harry on the naughty spot (we dont have a step as he loves the stairs!) and he gets upset and yeah you feel a bit shit about it but he always says sorry and comes for a kiss and cuddle once he realises he was naughty. If we were figures of fear in their lives they wouldn't come to us for a cuddle!!

hey its not your fault, C is just a normal defiant toddler !! (with a bit of extra determination lol). What about trying Time Out ?? Apparently its a good thing because it will diffuse a potential explosive situation. Time for C to calm down and for you too. xx