This could be long and confusing as I am stressed and half way down a glass of wine!! So good luck and thank you in advance!!

Firstly a bit of background, we live about 20 mins walk away from the boys school as the one closest too us is in Special Measure and my first choice didn't have room in both their year groups for them. We have lived here since Jan 2010 and they are both settled at school. Where we live has a small park on the same road and a few kids that live here and go to the special measures school.

Since last half term ish I have been letting Jake go back over near his school to play with his school friends, only because the mum of one of his mates is also a good friend of mine and is happy to look out for him, otherwise it wouldn't be happening.Jake knows this and knows it's a big trust thing for him. He also knows as it's a bit away he has to leave earlier than the other kids to be home in time, yet every time I allow him over there he is either late back, or texting me to pick him up cause he feels sick or some other excuse. So he gets banned from going over there and pocket money cuts, then promises he will be home on time, so gets to go over and guess what he's late again!

We are also getting major tantrums, throwing things, name calling, slamming doors if i say no to anything.

And I am at the end of my tether, I hate to admit it but I am finding it hard to cope, I have lost it once and he got a slapped arse and i feel sick at the thought of it!! I try to give all three one on one attention as much as possible. We are also trying to move closer to the school but thats going slow due to OH but thats another story!!

Jake is very intelligent(about 2 years ahead at school) and I have tried talking to him and explaining how i feel etc and asking him how he feels etc but nothing is working!

Any ideas gratefully recieved and wine and nibbles for anyone who has got this far!!
xxxx

I'm really not sure hun? All I can think of is to get tough big time. Punish him big style until he realises that you are not a Mummy to be messed with!!!

we going through similar with rich, hes getting an attitude and ignoring me, he will listen to russ and if i say no to something he always asks russ, drives me nuts.

i hate saying it, but it does sound normal behaviour for a preteen, rich isnt allowed out due to his learning disabilities and we know no one in the area, but he get punished with no electric toys, for a day or week if he really bad.

what about oh having a word with him,

perhaps talk to him about the fact you know he has to leave earlier so add 5 mins to his curfew but if he breaks that then he wont be out for a week, or what ever you think is right,

I dont have experience with older ones but claires idea of a compromise is sensilbe. If he has to leave 20 mins earlier than his mates split nthe difference and add ten mins onto curfew so he only loses ten mins instead of twenty playtime but then if he breaks that come down hard on whatever is important to him. Carrot...Stick lol. Oh god i dont wanna fastforward ten years!

I've recently had similar things with tommy, people may not agree with it but this is what I did. The first time I stopped him watching tv for 5 days. After that I took away his ps3 and no treats for 5 days neither of these really did much. When he acted up again I grounded him for 1 day, now my idea of grounding is being up stairs in you bedroom the whole time. He was allowed the toys in his room buy no tv or xbox etc and he was only allowed out of his room for dinner.
He was bored out of his Tiny mind! It worked a treat he's not needed discipline again!

I feel your pain.... Lewis is exactly the same... stropping, attitude, arguing, being horrible to Owen, we've had penny jar raiding (don't like to say stealing as its like 50p - not hundreds). He also pushes his boundaries, I say he can go to the park, he calls me and says can i go to the shops or to a friends (further away) I must sound like the battle-axe, as most of the other kids just roam around all day. I honestly think its a hormone/age thing.. boundary pushing.. Lewis goes to secondary school in Sept so I think this may be escalating his behaviour as his restless about the BIG change.

With regards to the school change.. I changed lewis' school in Year 1 and had a motto...

"If I give him a crap school - i expect and should accept failure - I've failed... If I put him in the best possible school and he fails - He only has himself to blame"

Might sound harsh but he wants to be with his friends, I want him to be where he gets the best there is!! The schools were 20 mins walk from each other so not miles away

In short I can't advise you other than the grounding, loss os nice things but like you its screaming ab dabs all day long Good luck it could be a looooong summer xxx

We have tried the compromise, his mates have to be in at 8, so he's allowed to leave at 8 and has to be home at 8.15 but he still isn't in on time! He was still with his mates at 8.20 last night and only 2 mins away when I gave in and picked him at 8.45, which really pee'd me off as I had had a glass of wine and don't like to drive even after one glass!

Clare, I am the same with Aron, but luckily the park is next door but 3 and he is pretty good, plus he has Jake too!

He's grounded from going over that way for 2weeks and I am going to be strong and not give in this time!
Kell I will try that but as Jake & Aron share a room it can be difficult!
Emma we have the being horrible to Aron too! Jake isn't changing school this year with him being a September baby! He has friends round here too and I can understand him wanting to be with his school mates as it must be hard at school when they are all talking about what they did last night and he can't join in!

Wish me luck and thank you so much for replying!

Xxx