A strange one.

My biologial father died couple of weeks ago. He hasn't had anything to do with me since I was little when he buggered off and left my Mum with 2 LOs (me and my other sister who I don't speak to).

Sadly the guy I called Dad, who brought me up since I was little died 6 years ago and I honestly thought my heart was breaking .

Anyway when I found out that my 'sperm donor' had died my mum asked if I wanted her to find out when the funeral to which I replied 'No'. My other sister (the nice one who is my half sister) and Mum both keep asking me if I am ok.

Am I weird for not feeling sad?? I keep thinking amd I being a heartless cow. I just feel that my 'Dad' died 6 years ago and that's that.

Apparantly he died of cancer so he must have known at some point that it was terminal so if he wanted to get in touch then he could have (he and my Mum still have mutual friends) if he wanted to couldn't he??

xx

It sounds to me like you are old enough and wise enough to know your own mind and feelings about him - maybe some time in the future you will feel sad about it, and if you do, you can grieve then, but for now it sounds like you are pretty solid in yourself!

no your not being heartless at all.

it's a shame when someone dies we all go oh no poor thing. but thats as far as it goes for someone you dont know.

and you didnt know him.

No! You ...Heartless? That is the furthest statement from who you truly are! How can you feel anything for someone who apparently made no effort with you or have developed any sort of relationship/bond. He could of made an attempt as you said being diagnosed with Cancer..some people want to have closure or forgiveness before they pass...he didn't seem bothered. Truly his loss...not yours hun..as from what I know about you..you are an incredibly warm and loving person. xxx

I don't think you are heartless at all. I think I would feel the same.

As a parent myself, I could never abandon a child, and he did, so why should you waste any tears on him.

Hope you are ok x

No I dont think you are, i think you are a very caring and warm person Paula and i think you are right in what you feel.

You make a very good point that if it was terminal cancer he had opportunity to put right any wrongs and he chose not to.

it sounds pretty normal that you'd not feel sad...he was basically a stranger...he could have taken the chance to put things right but he obviously didn't care enough to bother.

Laura wrote:

I don't think you are heartless at all. I think I would feel the same.

As a parent myself, I could never abandon a child, and he did, so why should you waste any tears on him.

Hope you are ok x

Laura - that's just how I feel.

I know my Mum is a little more sad than she lets on, she did love him loads at one time, and as she says if it weren't for him she wouldnt have me and my sis and any of her 5 grandchildren. She had 3 kids to 2 men and they have both died so I know she is thinking about this, even though they are both unrelated

thank you all for making me feel better about it - it's just with being asked all the time if I am ok that it makes me feel I should be feeling something

xx

No Pepper you are not heartless, the person who was your Dad died 6 years ago. This other man, although, your biological dad was a stranger to you so it is not wrong to not think of him as your Dad. xx

im with the others ur defo not heartless xx
I would feel the same x

pepper this is not weird my sister's (really my couson) dad died a few years ago and she didnt feel anything at all everyone expected her to break down - If anyone wants to know the weird surroundings of how my couson is my sister feel free to ask but dont want to hijack peppers post xx

Your not heartless, you simply didn't know the man!

SuziandGracie wrote:

pepper this is not weird my sister's (really my couson) dad died a few years ago and she didnt feel anything at all everyone expected her to break down - If anyone wants to know the weird surroundings of how my couson is my sister feel free to ask but dont want to hijack peppers post xx

My brothers are my cousins too! Xx

do you find people get a bit freaked out when they first find out because they immediatly think of incest

Lol yes Suzie and then you have to explain it all ten times before they get it!

Sorry for hijacking Pepper!

Xx

i know its so hard to then explain because the look of disgust in their eyes makes you wonder if they are just going to think your lying

He was basically a stranger to you so o I dn't thinkyou are heartless, you don't automatically have a relationship with someone just because you happen to share the same DNA. Your dad was the one who brought you up and you ahve said goodbye and grieved for him. x