Pre school?

It was Thomas' first day today and what a nightmare I had to get him to stay. After his settling in day/christmas party I knew it wasn't going to be easy so I had every intention of just dropping him and running. Well he didn't want to even leave the house but I managed to get him into the car and we had a little chat on the way so when we got there he was fine - walked in on his own etc, then 3 steps through the door he decides he wants to go home with me and would not let go of my legs. He literally clung to me while the other kids came and waved their parents off, a few had a couple of tears but nothing terrible and Thomas was the only one who would not even look at the other kids and refused point blank to go sit with the others

Myself and the manager spent 15 minutes trying to persued/bribe him to go with her so I could leave but in the end she ended up having to literally grab him onto her knee screaming whilst I legged it out the door.

I know it's only his second time there and it will def get easier but I can't help but think that it's my own fault for not socialising him properly with toddler groups etc. He does spend time with friends LOs and he loves my cousins kids and often asks to go play with them (unfortunately they live over 100 miles away so see each other every couple of months). The problem is with Thomas he is a very independant little lad who is EXTREMELY happy with his own company, quite shy to start with, doesn't like to be bothered too much and is terribly stubborn, he also much much prefers the company of older kids. He is like me

I was chatting to him at bath time tonight and asking him about his day, he told me that he "cried a little bit at school today" and that he "not like it very much, it's not good fun and it's very boring" I'm dreading tomorrow morning as it's our first time walking (forecast rain ) and I will also have Hannah with me who last time kicked off
because she didn't want to leave (and Thomas didn't want to stay ). He has already told me at bedtime that he doesn't want to go again and he "want to stay at home with mummy and Hannah"

Argh! I feel like such a crap mum, I want so much for him to enjoy it and make friends and I know eventually he will but none of the other kids did this

xx

Hon he will get there. C spent weeks coming hoe and when i asked what she did she would tell me she cried. Even today when i discussed school starting again she whinged in case Emily was there (they clashed heads a while back and C is holding a grudge) but after a while she got better and now doesnt even look at me as I leave, shes got 3 or 4 friends she talks about all the time and she loves it there. I also didnt do the toddler groups etc so it doesnt make you a bad mother at all if its not your thing its not your thing. C is like Thomas and is happy in the company of adults or on her own. I am sure h will settle hon xxx

Don't blame yourself. Oliver has always attended toddler groups and has a fair few friends that he see's on a regular basis..put him in a classroom and omg, he cried and cried, proper heartbroken. After a few sessions and no improvement the girls just came and took him, i'd stay calm and say 'bye bye sweet... you have lots of fun and mummy will come back for you'. This went on weeks and he finally got it

Its still new and like anything in life, its just going to take time for him to settle.

Olivers back tomorrow 5 days a week and they switched him from pm to am sessions..I'm actually really nervous about it all cos its a new classroom and everything lol, I'm freaking that we're going to be late and every ones going to stare lol <
Maybe you could compare Thomas' school like daddy going to work If he's anything like Oliver, he idolises his daddy so if I say daddy does or doesn't do... Oliver is a tad more accepting

Sorry i'm not much help, but it really does get easier and when he makes new friends he'll soon love going.

Firstly dont blame yourself hun, Libby never went to any toddler groups or spent any time away from us or with other children so it's definately NOT because you havent socialised him enough so its not your fault.

When we first started taking Libby there were LO's in absolute bits running after their prents because they didnt want to stay but it didnt last long, only a few times and then they were happy to go in.

As for Hannah, I'm sure she'll soon realise that when Thomas goes to school she gets mummy all to herself and enjoy it?

xxx

Quote :

I know eventually he will but none of the other kids did this

i bet all across the country about 20 thousand kids did this!!! please don't worry, like you say maybe it just isn't in his nature to take to things like this instantly (unlike hannah!), so it will take him some time but once he gets used to it and finds a way to enjoy it he will have learned a really useful life skill that he will value through his education/career.

i have taken elijah to classes and groups since he was a few months old and the toddler group we go to *every* thursday he *still* screeches and clings to me for 10 minutes when we get there.....i don't even leave?! i stay and play with him the whole time...but i think like thomas (and me!) he doesn't like things that are very busy and noisy and it takes a while to settle down. im sure he also felt some nerves coming from you - not your fault it's only natural!

i hope today went better and if not, remember that in a few weeks it will be 'argh someone help me i have to physically drag thomas out of the classroom at hometime - all the other children run to their parents happily, why doesn't he want to come home???'

Thanks ladies! Today wasn't great either, lots of screaming when I left BUT he did walk in alone and got all the way to the class room this time rather than the hall way so it's progress (baby steps but still!). He was fine until he realised I was leaving then went into meltdown mode again so I didn't fuss, just handed him over and walked out without looking back. Felt awful but the more I fuss and make an issue of it the worse he will be.

I do see a light at the end of the tunnel - all be it a very long tunnel.

It's just a half day today so picking him up at 12 (was 3 yesterday and again tomorrow) so have promised to take him to morrisons on the way home for a treat and then we have a date with Toy story

xx

Do they not allow you to stay until he's calm and happy? Rowan was a nightmare he'd lay on the floor crying or cling to my leg. He'd want to be carried into class.

With pre school (as well as attending nursery for 18 months) I thought he'd be fine and I was wrong total meltdown would try and run away when he realised where we were going. They let me stay until he was happy and calm but I'd sneak off so he didn't see me.

Now I have to call him back to get a kiss goodbye he's off like a rocket putting his bag and coat up.

Oh what might help is I told Rowan about our day so the night before told him 3 things that when he wakes up we will have breakfast, get dressed then walk to school. Whilst he ate breakfast I'd then him we then get dressed, go to school, and he plays and you go home and I.e do washing or go shopping then once he's dressed the same again but add in that you then go and pick him up. Ask him to repeat it all back to you I ask Rowan what are we on today.

I found it kept him calmer