heya, how are you doing? c'mon spill...how is being a mummy of two? better or worse than expected/feared? are you all healed? do you ever sleep? (stuart incidents aside) have you had a hot meal recently? are you ready for number 3 yet? do you feel guilty? are you ready to send them both to nursery and escape to work? have you thought about buying a puppy yet?

Hey!
Um its actually no were near as hard as I thought it was going to be ! (forgeting about Stuart - def harder looking after him atm) I set myself up for utter hell. Think it helps if you think of the worst and then it can only be better. Im aware that Joshua still immobile & sleeping large chunks of day so it wont stay this simple for long.

Anyway being a mum of 2 so far...

Yup im all healed, only a few stitches (compared to episiotomy with Caitlin) and it never really stung to pee. Maybe the odd wince in 1st day or 2 but nothing scary. Was stiff for about a week and for 3 weeks sorta felt a bit strange when I coughed (like insides might fall out my bum ), but not bad at all... day 10 I was driving and at the work xmas party with Joshua on my own - wearing the dress I wore last xmas day may I add, go me lol.

Sleep- I think im getting more than most new mums, or else Caitlin really was an abnormal baby. My memories of her first few weeks was screaming/walking floors/up half the night. We still dont have a routine and im 100% on the btls now but its kinda working ok. He sleeps for an hr or 2 solid after Caitlin goes to bed at 830pm,so can nap then (I rarely do but I should start). Usually dont get to bed until between 1 & 230am as he likes to play about, but then might sleep until 530am, have btl and be back to sleep at 615am and then sleep on until 1030am. Im lucky that Caitlin usually sleeps until 930/10am so in theory I could be getting 8 hrs a night in 2 or 3 decent enough blocks. Each night is dif but usually get 3-4 hrs between feeds anyway.

Meals - As we arent the bestest cooks in the world lol, the meals didnt really slip much tbh Still eating our usual masterchef meals of freezer - oven food. At meal time Josh sits in his chair and sleeps, maybe once or twice a week he wakes and shouts/crys but I can wolf my tea down and then feed him as he usually just grunting/protesting - not full on wailing. Caitlin is the bigger pain in the arse at tea time with her protests and shouts of 'disgusting, no!' before giving in and eating it anyway

Number 3 -There will be no number 3!!!!!! Hmm well actually I have shocked myself by having daydreams about it - SILs fault! But nope being realistic we couldnt afford it. The jump to 3 I think would be too hard for me to manage, eg bigger car to fit car seats, rely on mum/MIL for childcare when I do overnights so leaving 3 would be too much. Joshua/having more than 1 child hasn't put me off another, I guess its just the practicalities/financial issues they would bring. Any-time I think the crazy thought of number 3 I remember what the last 15 mins of labour pushing were like and it soon leaves me!

Guilty - Um no I dont strangely, as that was something I worried about. Caitlin adores Joshua. She wants him to sit on her knee all the time (well for 10 seconds and then announces " he too Heaby mummy" and near throws him off her), she trys to give him his btl, plays kissy kissy with him, tells him who is on tv "look joshiwa its mr tumble".... She sometimes asks me too put joshua back in his chair and then climbs up for a cuddle but there no major jealousy issues really. She is at my mums tonight & cried getting into car as joshua wasnt coming with her. I cant really think of anything she has missed out on since Joshua arrived. Think me being tired/sick during pg last summer was the hardest bit for her.

Work - Do you know what... if my work did 4hr bank worker shifts I actually think I would consider doing 1 or 2 a week atm lol. I miss the craic with the young people and the money would be handy as I dont get mat pay. I really do feel normal ish and dont think id mind leaving joshua with my mum for those lengths of times. No way on earth would I have considered it with Caitlin. Im nearly tempted to say maybe thats cause I BF her. Im not saying I bonded better with her (Jesus Christ it was hard to bond with the banshee that she was lol), but I do think nature makes you more panicky/a NEED to be with them as obviously you are keeping them alive. With Joshua on btls I dont have to worry about him going hungry. Could be a 2nd child thing though, not sure. My work only do 12 or 25 hour shifts and it will be a few months yet I think before id be up for them. In fact the 25 hr shifts make me want to cry.

Puppy - Dont you know I have a fear of dogs!!!!

I think iv sold the idea of a 2nd quite well! You need to ttc NOW! Im quite certain a house will fall out of the sky with your name on it Oh and Mr Mari will get a job offer the very same day!

Oh just to add a bad point this morning -

Laundry! OMG I have never done so much in my life! Joshua can go through 2-3 outfits a day, nappy might leak in moses basket so sheet and blanket changes, Caitlins nappy is leaking at night atm too (please lord let her use a potty soon!) so her bed is changed 3 times a week... It seems I spend any free time washing/hanging/folding/putting away. We had to buy a 2nd clothes horse as we never had enough room.

..... and off I go back to the washing machine!

how can it be that we are already on 2 clothes horses? im not even particularly picky about clean clothes everyday if they aren't 'dirty'

well, it sounds not bad, once caitlin is at school maybe you will be popping number 3 out - but yeah car seats and all that nonsense i don't really think about , i just assume that will sort itself out (ahh so responsible!)

alright, no puppy, how about a nice pony?

i do wonder about the bonding thing with bf - i did feel an overwhelming responsibility (really overwhelming) and wouldn't leave elijah alone for a second (even including waking up every 20 minutes even if he was asleep to check he was breathing?! now i look back i think a) i was totally mental for a good while and b) i wasn't actually better 100% until i stopped bf at the beginning of december??????? not sure what to make of this). i wonder if had i stopped bf earlier i would have hormonally settled sooner and felt a bit freer?

aw im so glad you aren't feeling guilty, i would say that's probably quite high on my list of concerns - it having a negative impact on eli. but like you say being heavily pg is crap enough without a poor unattentioned toddler hanging off your elbows.

Quote :

Think it helps if you think of the worst and then it can only be better.

spoken like a true pessimist!!! i think if i assume the next baby will be the screaming non-sleeping horror elijah was i can only be in for a better ride, even if the next one is the same i will certainly know how to deal with it better and sort it out more quickly (ho ho.......lets see)

i think the eating is to do with not bf too - there are many appealing elements! (though i think i would feel guilty as i did it so long with elijah etc etc ho hum), i remember just eating snacks constantly for about 4 months and never managing a meal? then again that sounds like my non-bf/pg diet too so perhaps thats something to do with it

i have further chucked a spanner into the works of ttc on several counts mainly being: no house, no job, no money, no drivers license STILL, mr.mari's nana has offered to pay for me to do my masters so considering applying for this sept? (that would bugger up pg plans as would have to be over 24 months part time i think) soooooooooooo then elijah would be like 4 at the earliest which is too old so then im like ohhhhhhhh well we could just have eli and spoil him to bits, THEN im like no no i want more but im getting SO OLD SO QUICKLY that i can't do career and babies so have to choose.......god....................i used to be quite decisive but ive made so many shit decisions im a bit paralysed just now

you figure it out for me

(omfg longest post ever?)

sorry couldn't help but be nosey

mari have a new baby and then study. you don't need to be able to drive to have a baby, you won't want a job if you have a new baby and even if you got pg tomorrow you still have 9 months to find a house

do it! join the 2 baby club it's great

ho ho ho thanks jade if i don't have a job i can't claim maternity allowance when i AM pg though which means i have no independent income nerrrrrrr

Our clothes horse was quite small & we already had those things you hang over radiators that you can hang 2 extra rows of clothes. Honestly I need shares in persil non bio (half price in tesco atm for 50 wash box )

I was the same when BF Caitlin. Looking back I think I was a slight psycho and couldnt bare MIL holding her for more than 15 seconds. I really do think its nature making you look out for them, cant really explain it without making myself feel crappy using a btl.... oh well like you say there are benefits to btl feeding (for mums I guess anyway). They do go longer between feeds and you can let someone else do a few feeds if you need a break.

You make me laugh "getting so old so quickly". As far as I know time passes at the same speed in the east of scotland as it does in the rest of the UK so um its not going any faster for you lol. 4 isnt that big an age gap, ive a few friends who have a 5 or 6 yr age gap and their LOs get on great. Admittedly atm its more of a protective relationship rather than 'friends' but when they adults 5 years is nothing.

Hmmm could you not get a job doing 12hrs a week caring (or whatever minimum is for MA) then ttc, do masters over 2-3 years taking 6 months out to give birth/be a new mummy, and then get an amazing job??? Piece of piss lol. Wouldnt be in the slightest bit exhausting!!!
If Mr Mari had a job would you need to work? Could you afford to live off his wages for 3-4 years while you do masters and be a mummy? I had my kids at a silly time (before I got a permanent job), but I always said to myself when I was old and grey and smelly id regret more not having children/grandchildren than I would not having had a career or been able to afford luxuries. Thankfully in this country few people starve, but I know its nice to give Elijah as much as you can and you need to think about him. Argghhh I just want you to get pg again! Your such a natural mummy!

hahahahaha well there is a new plan on the horizon which goes like this (baring in mind i have only downloaded said masters application and not even considered references and so on ): apply for masters starting sept, been offered my old job back on whatever hours i want so do that a bit while mr.mari works shifts and we share childcare - do all of that nonesense for 2 years THEN ttc when i can get maternity again and added bonus my stomach ulcer might have healed (forgot about that bit). and hopefully my ovaries haven't shrivelled into tiny prunes by then!

mr.mari not that keen on doing it this year as he would rather i did my masters but tbf i dunno if i can actually do it im all talk

i will bet, here and now, £50 that you are pg again in the next 5 years. you don't sound nearly determined enough to just stick to two so we shall see who knows where you will be by then, probably not still doing the same job and same hours, you might be in a better position so could manage childcare etc..........hmmm???!

im glad you are getting enough sleep and things, i can imagine its quite pleasant to have a nice calm and settled baby after caitlin and her awful tummy, i guess it is just one of those things? is joshua more likely to have allergies too or is it just a random type of thing?