Just a question so no knicker twisting! The reason I am asking is that in personal experiences I find that tough love is sometimes the only way to deal with certain issues. My son for example, I have been brutally upfront and honest with the reality of certain decisions that could ultimately sway him from making some horrible mistakes. I understand that he will have his own mistakes to make and learn from, but if I coddled him and babied him I know it would make him so unprepared for the harsh realities of the real world. I'm not talking about raising him without manners, because shockingly he has some. How do you find... that if you pad or sugar coat issues that it helps or hinders?

With work I have to be honest with parents and I find its the best approach.
But I will dull it for the kids sometimes they don't need to know everything.

But with son I have to be clear, sugar coating things confuses him.

So I say truth all the time but aim at audience you have

no i agree Jen.....

An example from my mums 'book of parenting' - lol

She had 4 girls and was obviously worried about 'underage/unwanted pregnancies'

We were all told that if we thought we were old enough to have sex, then we should also be ready enough to deal with any consequences......as there was no way she would help in any way!!!! Shocking-hey?? She is a fabulously supportive mother, who now tells us now were all married etc that it was a total lie, and of course she would've helped in every way possible!!

But she wanted us to think about our actions, and expect us to have to deal with it ourselves!!

Not that it matters at all, but we all had our children in later life

when it comes to my friends and family iv been accused many times of shooting from the hip. im too flippant in how i speak and i have a very tough love attitude that comes across as un caring and cold

and from now on im gonna implicate this in every aspect of my life... virtual and all

I get probably about 5-10 huggles a day from Matt..so he knows I'm not cold. But have started even earlier with Madisyn. She will ask me questions like - why is that man begging on the street for money? I tell her that - either he is addicted to drugs or alcohol(you can tell) and because of that..he has no money to find a place to live because his drugs/booze and bad choices in life. Sounds hard..but I'm hoping I'm helping her. Also raising kids with compassion..will make them watch the harsh realities of people starving..or war torn areas to have them "feel" for others less fortunate.

LisaMnGirls wrote:

We were all told that if we thought we were old enough to have sex, then we should also be ready enough to deal with any consequences......

exactly what i was told!!

with my family im very upfront and tell them what i think,it drives me mad that my OH never highlights anything to his family when hes got an issue. I do have one close friend that i do coddle becuase if you dont he just goes in a massive strop, we've been friends for so many years im used to it though although he does drive me slightly mad.

I agree that it depends on the audience. With friends i always think you should be honest and truthful otherwise what is the point of the friendship if you cant express an opinion. I would always try and be diplomatic first tho and only resort to being very blunt if that failed!!

I think its sometimes necessary to tone it down with people you dont know so well as they might take it the wrong way whereas friends and family would know it was well intentioned even if they did not agree.

I think it has to do with age too. It's obviously ok to coddle a small child from certain realities in life but as they get older these should become fewer. As a parent it is our job to love and protect our children but it's also our job to teach them about and prepare them for life in the big bad world. If they are coddled too much then they wont cope with life as an adult and will be brought down to earth with an almighty bang. This would not only be upsetting for them but for us as parents yet some still do. I am going to adopt your philosophy as my children get older Jen, in the same way my parents did with me, just wish my OH was on the same page

xx

I tend to agree with more tough love. My parents were like that with my sis&i and i hope to be like that with Imogen. I want to be upfront and for her to be comfortable talking to me and asking me anything.

I do agree about knowing your audience though.

My parents didn't coddle..they just flat out avoided hot topics. Either learned the hard way..or through friends advice who were clearly just as dumb as I was....blind leading the blind! However..it certainly wasn't as scary out there is it is today. Matt, whom I'd lay down my life for, was recently given the option to either live here and abide by our rules..or get the hell out and figure it out on your own. He decided to leave..got to the sidewalk..and turned back round again. LOL! I bear hugged him when he came back through the door with his tail tucked in behind him. Shayne and I don't agree on some stuff Debs..but for the major stuff we do. Just don't let her see your weaknesses..cause those teens will find a crack in the armor and try to divide you! Her sassy and arrogant behavior will usually be sorted out with her peer group...told Matt to expect a can of "whoop ass" from his friends if he didn't toss his a-hole attitude! xxx

It's hard isn't it?? I want to be honest with the girls where I can while at the same time protect them from the harshness of the real world.

I too agree with he tough love....well more firm but fair, and I also want the girls to be able to talk to me about anything and be able to ask me anything.

xx

I think it depends on what it is about.

I am hoping to be honest with Aimee when she is growing up. I dont want to frighten her, but I also want her to be aware of the nasty things that can happen in the world and also make her aware of what to do if she finds herself in a bad situation.

I will totally sugar coat things like Santa though

x