Ive been writing C letters since she was 9 months old. Love doing it so much. Know it may not appeal to some but wanted to share with you ladies as your opinion means so much to me
16th February 2010
Hi Baby
It was actually the 15th when I sat down to the computer but time has gotten away from me again. I am reading for a job interview tomorrow and suddenly its 1am. However, I have had things in my head to chat to you about today and was determined to jot a few words down on paper before I went to bed.
I turned 30 yesterday. Well actually the day before yesterday now its after 12 but you get my drift. I am not sure how that happened as I’m sure last time I looked in the mirror I was only 19. Still given the choice I’d take my life now and being 30 to my life then and being 19. I had the best birthday. My day had a wonderful start when, after a bottle of milk, you snuggled up in my arms and we fell asleep together again for 2 hours. Then I opened my presents to find I had been spoiled rotten.
My favourite present was from you and your Dad – a silver necklace with your tiny thumbprint on it. Now when I miss you in the day at work it will feel a bit easier. Maybe one day you will have kids (maybe you do already) and understand that feeling like you are missing out on something important that you can’t retrieve everytime you leave for the day to go to work. Having this necklace is like having a bit of you near. I appreciate nowadays there are probably times right now when you’d rather I was not around so much anyway! That’s all to do with you becoming an adult and a invividual but I can’t deny that right now I enjoy that me and your Dad are the centre of your world. I also had my neck tattoo a couple of days ago – I’d been on for ages about wanting a little chicken on the back of my neck and like the necklace its just a little thing that keeps me going in the day when I miss you.
My other favourite present was from your Oma – a mothers journal. She wrote a lot inside it about her childhood and Grampy Dave’s childhood, their early years together and my childhood. The end of the book is a special letter from your Oma to me. Maybe by now I have let you read it but if not ask me to find it for you so you can read it and see its not just me who is a big sentimental eejit about their daughter! The book is very special to me though. I am only just starting to read it properly but its definitely cleared up questions I have always wanted to ask. I am hoping by starting this letter now and writing it throughout your childhood this will be as important to you for the sentiments expressed and because it forms a part of your history. It has a section for the one piece of advice you’d like to give your daughter. Your Oma’s advice to me was: be your own person, be strong, love and be loved. I’d agree with all of that but also love a piece of advice I heard on a tv programme I used to watch called ER. Its from a character called Mark Green who is played by Anthony Edwards. He is dying and is on a last holiday with his daughter. In one of the final scenes where they are together he tells her to be generous – with her time, with her her love and with her life. I fell in love with those words the first time I heard them and to this day, if I could only ever give you one piece of advice it would be just that – to be generous with your time, your life and love. Feel your love honestly and do not be afraid to share it with the people who mean the most to you. Enjoy every moment of your life – it goes too too fast. Im 30 yet barely 30 seconds have passed since I was your age. Give people your time – if you can give them nothing else. You’d be surprised at how important it is.
I had more things to chat about. No more heavy stuff for tonight just to tell you how much fun you are being at moment – you are crawling now and pulling yourself up on the sofa to stand – you fall down a lot but simply will not give up. You are starting to talk a lot too – it makes your Dad’s day whenever you say Daddy though your latest is Nononononononono! You also like to say Uh-Oh and Ah-ah-ah and click your tongue when the indicators sound on the car. Your Dad is thrilled he has taught you to say Ehhhhh like the Fonz too. However, I could talk all night about these things and still be up when you get up for breakfast tomorrow so I am going to say goodnight now.
Love you Always Baby
Mum xxx
28th August 2010
To my little chicken
Haven't written for a while. Its not been because I haven't thought about it but more because I am enjoying you so much these days. You are going through such a fun challenging time at the moment. I never quite know what life is going to bring me next and I just adore that.
You seem to give me a funny story to tell every day at the moment. Only yesterday we went to cousin Paul's wedding to Dee. I had you all dressed pretty with your hair done as all our family were there and during the service had you sat on my knee near the back. You were being good as gold not fussing despite what may have been a very boring time for you. When the minister got the point when they ask if anyone has any objections to the wedding to speak now and everyone went quiet you decided your moment had come and promptly broke into a rousing rendition of Row Row Row Your Boat. Luckily everybody found it very funny. Then at the reception Paul has set up a wishing well to put in cards and money. I turned my back for two seconds and you stole it and dismantled it. Life's become more fun since you entered it.
When I talk about you to people I always find I use similar words: Fun, Spirited, Strong willed. I do so hope you never change. I know as a spirited adult its not always easy to be so. You find you either have to compromise your values to follow people's perceptions or stand out a little bit. All I can say to you is never lose that spark of spirit that makes you You, please don't compromise unless you have to and never be ashamed to be you. I am totally certain now in the future I may not always appreciate that strong willed high spirited spark any more than you will appreciate mine at times. There are already days I find life challenging as you are so stubborn and bloody minded! But I think I've reaped what I've sown as that only makes you all the more my child. I'm sure in the future we may clash at times for that very reason but I make you a promise today I will never try to dampen your spirit, life or enthusiasm. Because I am already very proud of the strong, fun being you are and I promise you today to always nurture that – even if it doesn't always seem like it when we are driving each other crazy. All I can say is cut me some slack some days and I will always try hard to do the same for you.
I will also say it's not just me you will have to learn to live with. The world doesn't always understand a spirited person. You are sometimes seen as a trouble maker, sometimes people think because you don't agree with them and are vocal about it that you are not a good friend or colleague. Its not true. If you believe what you say and have been prepared to listen to and consider what others are saying there is no shame in being strong minded. If you can learn to channel your passion, temper and spirit and make it work for you its an amazing thing as it will give you the strength to get through some tough times ahead of you. I am already so proud of you and the person you are becoming. You amaze me a little bit more every day and make me proud not only of you but a bit of myself for being able to nurture a strong, fun, independent being. You are the best of me and I feel a bit of amazement sometimes when I look at you and how you turn so much of me and Dad into an amazing person so unique in her own special way. Love you always for that.
I'm going to end this letter soon but not before I add in that this is soon going to be a letter for two. I am currently nine weeks pregnant with your little brother or sister. It took a long time to decide I was going to be pregnant. Not only had it been such a hard time carrying then giving birth to you that I did and still do find it a scary proposition but I was scared I couldn't love another baby with that same burning intensity I do with you. But as time went on and the bad memories faded a bit I came to realise having you in my life was so amazing and fulfilling I wanted to feel that again. I also wanted you to have a brother or sister to share your joys and sorrows with like I do with my sisters and for you to feel that special bond.
And to my little as yet unknown bean my first words to you are, I was a fool. I've not seen you on a scan yet, nor felt you move, nor heard your brave little heart but already I feel such joy when I think about you safe and warm growing inside me. Already I wonder what you are going to look like and be like – how much like or unlike Caelyn. Already my excitement about you is growing and the thought of seeing you both together in the years to come sharing life excites me. I know when I finally begin to know you I WILL adore and love you with that same feeling and it will only then make the way I feel about you both all the more special. Because being a Mum is the best thing I could have done with my life. Thats why I write these letters. There are some things its hard to say out loud or find an appropriate time to say them. So I write them down so when life is hard or you aren't always sure where you are going you know I always have your back.
Love you (both) so very much
Mum xxx
Beautiful again 
