First topic message reminder :

I knew as soon as I got with OH that I was going to earn more £ than him. I had just finished my SW degree and he was working 30hrs a week in a shop (I was working 40hrs in retail & looking for SW post). He has 2-3 GCSE's at grade B and the rest D/E's. He has epilepsy so cant do any job that involves driving, lone working, ladders, heavy machinery etc. When we met I was content with this. I loved him and thats all that mattered. I wasnt a gold digger & had been brought up by a single mum who taught me to provide for yourself in this life & rely on no man for all your security.
When I got with OH my mum and a few friends did question me as to whether I would be happy with OH in the future regards no financial stability & the fact that childcare etc would always be down to me. Again I loved him thats all that mattered!

When PG my OH's epilepsy was really bad. He ended up reducing his hours to 18.5hrs a week. He says he was forced to change his contact as his employers were threatening to sack him due to not fulfiling his contracted hrs. I didnt mind too much at the time but my mum couldnt believe he was reducing his hrs when I was the one PG, sick and being on my feet 40hrs a week. 18mths later he still only does 18.5hrs a week and even though his epilepsy is stable-ish (1-2 seizures a month), in this economic climate there is no way they will up his contract again. I quit my retail post at the end of my maternity leave in march. Was unemployed until July when I took on 20hrs a week voluntary work (for experience & to earn my IS), this ended last week and I have applied for a full time night supervisor post in a secure childrens home. Its band 4 (Im qualified for band 5/6 but need to start somewere), its 19k a year (compared to IS is a fortune, and ave wage NI).

Im only now starting to get a bit peeved. Im willing to work nights, put Caitlin in nursery during the day so I can sleep, work below my peers at uni, drive an hr each way to this job..... and he has never once mentioned going to college/getting a 2nd part time job. I want Caitlin to have nice things once in a while and not worry about bills constantly.

I understand his epilepsy holds him back. I understand I knew all this when I met him, but that doesnt stop me questioning whether he has became a lazy git who is used to relying on others be it me or his mum. In ways he is quite deluded as when I tried to talk to him about this last night he is said in a few years when is epilepsy is better he would apply for supervisor posts in retail & work his way up to manager. (He has 2 GCSE's, and is only supervisor experience was 10yrs ago in local clothes shop on a Saturday that has now closed). How can I burst his bubble that he has no qualifications and a job isnt going to fall out of the sky? He also says he likes seeing Caitlin in the afternoons after work... Im sorry but most men would love that but they also have a sense of pride and want to provide for their famillies.

Sorry for the moan. I just feel its me that has to earn the money, do/organise childcare, pay the bills (he 'cant' do that type of thing, he will give me cash towards them but doesnt understand DD or how to pay them )Urgh... He is a lovely guy. I just wish he earned 20k and made me feel secure in that sense...

What do you guys think about my situation, or about stay at home dads in general. Would you have got involved with someone who didnt have great prospects?