Iv had a bad day Im in pissy form anyway and recently wondered if iv been getting depressed, I dont think I am but do have days were I feel miserable, have trouble sleeping and am eating crap...
Today I was feeling ok, after getting an early night last night to see if it would snap me out of it. Then I got a letter saying I hadnt got an interview for the nightwork job Id been hoping to get. It was a lower grade than im qualified for so I was hopeful id get it. I knew Id fluked the experience (dont have 2 years but had mentioned voluntary and GB work) and also they wanted NVQ 3 and id assumed a SW degree by passed that. Rang the HR department and they couldnt even say why I hadnt been shortlisted, iv to ring tomorrow. The mood im in I dont even see the point in ringing back, il just have to face the humiliation and rejection.
I then rang a few friends to moan & found out they had interviews for the other SW job id applied for & again didnt get interview. They already have SW posts and are just trying to change or move from temp to permanent. I am happy for them but at the same time hate how we competing against eachother and im losing every time. They only qualified this year, I qualified 3 yrs ago (didnt apply when PG or Caitys was tiny) and am still sitting like a muppet . I hate being unemployed. I think its affecting my mental health The fact that today the govt announced 500 000 job cuts means my chances of employment is even friggin lower.... It seems in England they are short in SW's but in NI they have too many. If it wasnt for Caitlin id probably move over for a year....

When I get down like this I just think about getting PG again. I know its the wrong reason to have a baby. It wont change my job status but at the moment im putting off ttc until I have a job, but if im going to be waiting months/years I feel like I might aswell have one now and have them close together. I cant afford it either and know as im on benefits its not morally right. I keep forgeting to take pill and i wonder if im already subconciously trying....If I was PG people wouldnt view me as a failure and I wouldnt have to face rejection letters....

Anyway, back to today. I then got a phonecall at 430pm saying my Granda was being taken into hospital tonight to have part of his lung removed in the morning (he has a tumor that is 50/50 cancerous). We didnt think it was happening for a few wks so I didnt get to say goodbye/goodluck. I spoke to him on phone and then sat and cried. I bundled Caitlin into car and drove to his fold and found he had already gone . He is like my dad as my parents split when I was 2 and me and mum lived with him until I was 9/10. I know he will be fine but im so worried.... He is 79 and I dont know how he'l cope with the surgery/anesthetic...

Thanx for reading if you got this far. Just needed to say how I was feeling....

hugs hunny i am nto good with advice xx just to let you know i is thinking of you and i feel your heratbreak with your grandad xxx im sure he will be fine x the older gneration where built to last ans so much stronger than us x

i'm sure your grandad' will be fine, it's only natural to worry. With regards to the job situation, I would still get the feedback, its easy to get despondent but if you find out why you weren't shortlisted it's going to help you in the future.

xx

Aww hun. I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I can't completely relate, but i know how down i've felt recently because i've not been working and have no qualifications to find any work. But at least you're trying hun, you're already so much better than those that can't be assed to work and live off the state.
I don't really know what to say about the baby thing, only you know when you're ready hun.

I'm really sorry about your Grandad, hope he's ok.

Try not to be too down, you're not failing. Everything happens at the right time, i really believe that. Sorry i've not been much help xx

Oh hun really sounds like u need a hug x sending u hugs xxxxxxx


Sorry to hear about ur grandad i hope hes ok x I cant reall yadvice but like michelle said its not as if ur sittin in ur bum not tryin to get bk into work. If u are sure u want to ttc then i would if i was 100% sure thats what i wanted xx
Sorry im not much help either x i hope u feel bit better soon xx

Oh hon wish i lived closer to come and take you out for lunch. Your gdad should be fine, if they have put him in for surgery they think he is strong enough and im sure he will be well in no time esp with you and lil caity there to cheer him up.

I dont know what to suggest about your job situ but i would definately seek the feedback. For all you know they may feel you are OVER qualified and people are often reluctant to take people in those circumstances cos they think you will feck off as soon as you get a better offer. I just hope you get something soon as they are missing out not having you onboard helping the community.

Keep strong, it will happen xxx

Awww chick, you are having a real pants time at the moment.

It sounds like everything is being thrown at you at once, so no wonder you are feeling so poop.

Hopefully your Granda will have his surgery tomorrow and then you can feel a little bit better about that.

As for the job, unfortunately life sucks and the job for you is probably just around the corner, these ones were just not meant to be. I know its easy to say, but things really do happen for a reason sometimes.

If you want to ttc, then go ahead, dont feel guilty for saying its morally wrong, if you want a baby, then do what you feel you need to do. You only get one shot at life, so do what makes you happy xxx

Awww hun I can relate to how you feel with the job situation. After I qualified as a teacher, I couldn't get work at all for a couple of years and I was miserable as sin! It was the same sort of situation where there were too many of us for the number of jobs. I was also single at the time and hit a really low point and began feeling like I was slipping into a depression. Anyway, a few days after I hit my lowest point I met my now hubby and a few weeks later finally landed a job! Just wanted to say I know how hard it is and it will happen for you one day, just keep going! I'd definitely try and get some feedback though as it may be something really simple that you could do to land the next job. Sending you big hugs and thinking of your Grandad xxx

awww hun just want to send you hugs. we're always here for you if we can help xx

Thanks everyone. Its nice to be able to let it all out...
Mario, thanx. I know my granda should be fine. They assessed him yesterday on the ward and booked him in for 4th nov but said due to staff shortages they may have a bed then but no nurses so to ring day before and check it was still ok, then today they got a cancellation and away he went... Maybe its better this way, Id have been a blubbering mess saying goodbye in person. Id probably have convinced him God was on his way for him .

Its nice to hear other people had/have problems getting a job. Atm I feel im the only one, which I know is irrational (I think this is how I know im not clinically depressed, im aware of why im down and can see some positives in my life eg Caity boo & my friends are trying to be comforting, its me who's avoiding them at times).

My friend always says whats meant for you wont pass you buy. Im trying to remind myself of this. As for ttc I still dont know. I change my mind daily. Sorry for yapping on. Sometimes I spill my guts and then get embarassed that iv went on to much.

For me this is what BANDA is for, I feel a bit better. Hopefully the Apprentice will cheer me up even more. I can console myself that there are people dimmer than me at applying for a job!

Dont be sorry, thats why banda exists. So we can cheer you up....no really its why lisa created it

Seriously though we are all here for support when you feel crappy and hope it looks up for you very soon xxx

Awk pet, I'm sorry that things seem so wick at the minute

If I were in your position I'd think this is the perfect opportunity to TTC, and hope that by the time I'd like to go back to work that things will have picked up a bit jobwise.

I really hope ur wee granda is ok, I'm sure his surgery will go fine and he'll be on the mend before you know it x

Sending you a big Mwahhh and xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx