I put a thread a few weeks ago about the childminder saying C was unsettled around other children and it had me concerned. Well todays entry in her diary:

Fri 22/10
today we had childminding group then a picnic in the park. This morning when its only thre 2 of us Caelyn is ok - very chatty and interactive - however when another child comes into the setting it sends her into turmoil - very clingy - crying - grabbing her bag/toy cat/coat and wont leave my side. I am trying to calm them both as it upsets both of them explaining all is ok but Caelyn is having none of it. Does she have contact regularly with other children independtly ie at playgroup does she venture off leaving you but knowing where you are. Does she play alongside other children not neccesarily [playing with but playing next to them without adult intervention. Its is a case of keep trying in different situations like playgroups/soft play to build her confidence as when i have her 1 morning a week by the next week she has forgotten.


I rang for a chat and she said she thinks c is very clever and advanced in her learning but isnt confident around other children and takes a long time to enter into any play activities. I said Caelyn is absolutely fine in settings where she feels safe and with people she knows and trusts but that she does take a long time to warm up to people. When i took her to play group she was fine aside from a couple of 'sharing' related spats which were quickly resolved and at gymnastics on monday she had a little paddy initially but that was more because she was a little overwhelmed by all the toys and children and after a time out was happily playing and even chatted to some of the othert children. I dont know if thats cos im there so she feels totally secure cos Mummys in the room but how Karen describes her playing isnt what i see. Ive said i wil try and keep a diary for next couple of weeks and take her to gym tots aagain and soft play one afternoon and see how she is but i think its more a case of giving her time to warm up to the situation. I also pointed out if she was hungry or thirsty she would be very cranky as thats how she gets and can Karen make sure shes getting her snack and regular access to juice too.

Im not sure what to think though. I do worry that because all my friends have older children she plays with older kids a lot and not really anyone her own age and i only really get her out to do something structured once or twice a week otherwise its ad hoc going to the park and such. Ive never really noticed other children sending her into meltdown though and im a bit worried

Any thoughts?

I've no experience of being around a child of C's age but she is really young to be making those kind of judgements.

Sorry have no real advice for you but I'm sure she'll be ok x

Tbh it just seems to me that she seems more at ease when she's around you, which is understandable. If you say she's fine around other children while you're there then i don't think you have much to worry about?
Obviously i'm only saying that's how it looks to an outsider anyway

It does sound like they are worrying about things a bit prematurely as all kids are shy at some point around ppl they dont know - whatever age...
I worry that Hannah doesnt play with children her own age that much but she seems ok enough so really wouldnt worry about that being a problem.
It really does sound like nothing to worry about
x

i didnt know you had posted before mario, was it similar kind of thing
does she spend much time with other children other than childminder ie regular playgroup and gymtots?

I have noticed that at playgroup alice tends to play alone alot, she does interact but would rather potter about alone, how is C usually? is it just something she needs to get used to?
i also talk to Alice about what we are doing/going who will be there etc, does the childminder do this before the others arrive???
Adam took Alice to nursery this week and apparently Alice cried all day which is very unlike her, i wonder if maybe he didnt chat to her about it on the way like i do. (bit random but worth a thought)

HTH

dont worry Mario, she will come out of herself in her own time. i dont like the idea when parents try and force the issue (which i know you wont). With Cerys, she is fine with other toddlers, strangers etc after sussing out the situ for a few minutes and i just think its in their personality. were you like that as a child? its also in the genes. i think you're doing everything right. i believe intelligent children tend to be more withdrawn in social situations x

children do play alone at that age and then they play alongside each other, they dont actually play together until they a bit older around 2/3 sometimes 4.

but could it be the same child who is causing this reaction, maybe she doesnt like the other child. or been scared by the other child.

hun i'd say thank you for the observations and i'd do what your doing, if she gets another 6 months and things are the same then i would probably think something is up..

just a thought if there are more children maybe she is not being stimulated enough, if she is bright, i know my sil has issues with neices when they not being stimulated, B acts out with behaviour and S goes into herself, both are extraordinary bright and great when they with family but issues with other kids.

TBH I don't think it sounds that strange - some kids take a while to feel secure enough to play.

Lisa's Amelia is a bit like that - today she was very shy when they were in the playpit, but it didn't take long before she was happily playing and smiling - I certainly didnt think her behaviour was unusual!

When she says turmoil though - what does she mean, grabbing her own things could just be the whole toddler sharing issue - again not unusual, but what else does she do other than clingy and holding her things?

Aw sorry hun, I've only just come on since earlier.

It does sound as though it's because she's insecure especially as she's fine when you're around. She hasn't been going to the childminders for that long has she? So it could be combination of that she only goes once a week so isn't overly confident and then when even more new children are thrown in it's even more overwhelming for her. You can understand it really. I wouldn't worry hun, I'm sure she is absolutely fine and once she starts going to preschool will become alot more interactive.

Libby is very independant and only really sees one little girl the same age as her, when they are together it's very rare for them to actually play together (and even then it's only chasing each other), usually they are just doing their own thing.

xxx

Thanks for the answers guys. In regards to her weekly routine she only sees karen on a friday. I tend to do 1 structured activity a week like play group or gym tots then during the week she sees my friends kids once or twice but they are much older (5-7) but she adores them and follows them around. If we are out at the park or a shop and a kid gets in her personal space she will shout at them but usually all i have to say is 'its ok caelyn the little girl/boy is just saying hello' and she backs down and with a little encouragement will say hello

I do explain to c on a friday morning she is going to karens but maybe i will also explain she is going to pla with other boys and girls but i have wondered if its this other girl she doesnt like for whatever reason.

I am also not a naturally social person, it may not come across on here but im quite shy in a social setting unless i know and trust the people there and even then im not a fan of massive groups i prefer a few people. I guess i just worry she is going to be like me, i was always the kid at school buried in a book, only a couple of very close friends, not always fitting in terribly well, had a couple of probs with the popular kids at school being bullying name calling etc, hiding behind humour and sarcasm. I dont want C to be socially inept like i am using humour as a weapon and being quite feisty cos actually quite insecure. Im ok at work cos i can hide behind my uniform and im actually far more gregarious than i was as a child now but i do worry for her.

Ive decided the next couple of weeks when i do something like gym tots or soft play or playing with friends kids im gonna write down how she is with others, any thing i notice etc. Also gonna make sure i make an effort that as well as gym tots on a monday i do summat structured midweek maybe soft play or a park rather than ad hoc so i have every few days something i can observe then if its something im missing its soemthing i can just gently keep introducing with me near to make her feel secure til she feels better and if shes having no probs with me then discuss with karen why the prob is occurring there. If it carries on and shes having no probs with me but is getting upset every friday i may have to reconsider my options. Like Meg said i dont wanna force a situation on her thats going to distress her cos it will make her shy longterm.

How does that sound?

That sounds great, a nice relaxed approach to it

I really wish we lived closer to each other - would be great for C and Libby to get together on a regular basis and teach each other bad habits!!! xx

Couldnt do regular but i have actually left you an answer about that in another post in preg hon - your blood test one xxx

I've replied hun xx

I agree with the others that I would not worry too much at her age. Lily is fine at nursery (i guess the staff, surroundings are familiar as she has been going for 2 days a week since she was 9 months) but if we go somewhere 'strange' she can go a bit shy and clingy.

Not sure where you are in the country but if you are near me then feel free to bring her round to play with Lily.

it sounds like a good plan, maybe it just takes her longer to feel comfortable with people.

Kate wrote:

I agree with the others that I would not worry too much at her age. Lily is fine at nursery (i guess the staff, surroundings are familiar as she has been going for 2 days a week since she was 9 months) but if we go somewhere 'strange' she can go a bit shy and clingy.

Not sure where you are in the country but if you are near me then feel free to bring her round to play with Lily.

Im down in wilts hon but thanks x

Susan - you are pretty near me I think (Cambs) so we could all meet up.

Annalisa - you know there is always a bed at mine for you and C if you want to come over this way and meet up with folks.

(Wil can jump into the mix too because he is quite the opposite and is generally the kid muscling in and making himself noticed)

Hey Gill i was gonna contact you once suse and i knew when we were meeting anyway cos i knew northampton was doable for you anyway sicne we had discussed MK before now. I'll set up a note in meets, maybe some others can come too and make it a semi reg thing. Plus C needs to see her partner in Wil-ful destruction again anyway its been months xxx

Id ring you but ive lost all my phone numbers hence my fb status and ive been waiting for ppl to contact me so i can get em back again

I agree witht the others aswell x I dont think its something to be concerned about x
I wouldnt say age is much diff to be honest if shes interacting with older children it shouldnt make a difference xx