The reason i ask is because this is something which i have been putting off admitting to myself. By writing this and reading any responses it will help me to figure what/why is it im feeling like this..

We have been together 5 years and clicked straight away. same sense of humour (filth lol), same values, same taste in music and we are (or used to be very connected). Over the last year+ i have lost interest in being intimate, even kissing him. OMG im really finding this hard to admit to myself as im writing. im gonna say it. I dont feel "gushy" when i see him. my heart doesnt skip a beat. i think i am not in love with him anymore - romantically/sexually. i love him to pieces though. He is the best dad and such a generous person. loyal and respectful.

He keeps asking why i am not in the mood and why i dont cuddle him anymore but now i think i know wot the prob is.......i just cant imagine telling him !!! He has had so much heartbreak in his life which he didnt deserve. We have a lovely house and beautiful daughter. i just couldnt imagine having to move out and manage on my own (although i could do it) its just the thought of what knowing the truth could do to him.

Even though i put on a happy face and am a bit of a joker thats just my front to cover up my unhappiness

wish i had some advice to give that would answer all ur questions. im sorry i dont but i didnt want to read and run. when i feel like this i try to mix it up a little... get us doing things we used to enjoy together. even for a brief time and it reminds me, its still there, somewhere.. just got to dig a little deeper... becoming a mummy u sometimes loose sight of who you were as a couple, life revolves around being a family.

try doing something u used to do, had laughs over, get some spark going remind ur self of the feelings and feel them again... if that makes sence i can love some one without feeling in love with them i think. i know i love ferg but sometimes i dont feel in love with him x

thanks for the reply. i should sit him down and just tell him straight but also that i want it to be like it used to be. i think he deserves to know the truth x

Are you sure your not just stuck in a rut?? Physically i mean. Doing the same things over and over again. Does he repulse you phisically?

It sounds like you were made for each other and you are very happy apart from the physical side of things.

I think we all go through boredom in our relationships at some point.

Before you do anything drastic try talking to him about it and maybe try spicing up your love life, more romantic or try new things.

If you still dont feel it then maybe you are right but i deffo think its worth a try. xxxx

Mara - this is the other thing and i hate to say it, i dont think i find him physically attractive. he is big built and is very conscious of his weight. he's not fat he's just chunky lol - so the predicament im in is a tough one. he has a very high sex drive and i feel so pressured sometimes i just go along with it and yes it is enjoyable, i just cant to finish and have a cuppa lol x

Lol so the sex can still be good.

Why dont you suggest you both join a gym or say your feeling a bit unhealthy why dont we both go on a fitness kick.


Its a toughie mini cause i wouldnt wanna say oh hen your not in love with him so leave as obviously you still have something special xxx

thanx Mara. yeh i think we need to start with the basics and go out as a couple once in a while, just to get to know each other again. we just literally just pass like ships in the night at the moment. xx

a physical relationship is important but it's something you can work on, it sounds to me like apart from that you have a very strong relationship. Did things change after having Cerys?

things have got worse since Cerys was born - i think he is feeling neglected. in the evening though especially if its a day ive been at work - i am absolutely knackered. my world revolves around Cerys and not him anymore - poor sod. it great to hear that all of you think it is possible to save our relationship xx

Ok reading this takes me back to a few weeks ago - I did finally tell me OH that I just am not sure if I am in love with him anymore - it was the hardest thing to admit to myself and to tell him and crush his world, but I felt I had to be honest with him as I was miserable, but he never seemed to pick up on this.

I can relate to so much of what you have said, I don't fancy him because he has put on a lot of weight he is over 17 stone now and I hate it. We have very little sex all down to me he has a high sex drive but I just avoid it, although when it happens I do end up enjoying.

This is something that had been building for a long time, prob since I was pregnant but just put hormones as the issue.

Anyway I went ahead and spilled my heart, till the early hours of the morning we were both crying, it was awful, he was devastated to hear what I was thinking, but we are trying to improve things, having more family days out at the weekend (which is something he never wanted to do which upset me so much), and for the first time in probably over a year we are going out clubbing tonight - I can't wait to feel young again and have a laugh with him, I think it is long overdue.

I think its just that I am mummified and find it hard to get out due to lack of babysitters etc that we just avoid being who we maybe really want to be and I am only 28 and feel about 48! I miss feeling young as its the same thing every night, watch TV or go on laptop whilst he goes on the xbox.

Well good luck hope it helps you to know that we are working things out even after I told him everything.

xx

ElleahKyle - thanks for your reply, it really helps to know that other have been though the same yes i think we need to go out for a few drinkies like we used to do. i will defo sit him down and tell him how im feeling but i dont think i will mention his weight, he is SO conscious of it, that would really hurt him..

Hope u enjoy yourselves tonight, dont go falling in any gutters or going arse over tit like i used to xx

I'll prob spend most of the night cuddling the toilet thats my little trick! Yeah I think once I have this night out I am sure I will feel better.

I never initially mentioned his weight to him but we talked for hours and eventually it did come into the conversation, and he asked me to buy him an excercise bike but he isn't very morivitated so I thought it would be a waste of money, well I did bid on one and won it on ebay for the bargain of £10 today! so time will tell, I will use it anyway so won't go to waste but I think he will use it knowing how I feel and how he feels about his weight too.

Make sure you arrange a night out soon with him, it will help with your feelings I am sure of it xx

think advice given above is fab ,,, think you do need to relive your earlier relationship

good luck however it turns out x x

I think in any relationship it's impossible to keep the excitement of the early days going forever as other priorities take place, like kids, work, money and it's easy to feel as if you're stuck in a rut. I think most couples feel like this at some stage and it doesn't have to mean the end of the road. It sounds as if you have a really strong relationship and I wouldn't give up without a fight.

When you've got children to think about it takes time, energy and effort on both parts to maintain the excitement as well as forward planning. Here are some tips that helped me in the past and may help you too

* focus on each other solely at least once a day, maybe when LO is in bed, make time for each other to cuddle up, chat, or whatever you fancy

* Random acts of kindness help, breakfast in bed, arranging an acivity you know he would enjoy and vice versa

*Do something different with your time together, do things you've always wanted to do but never got round to or go to places even if it's just a restaurant you've always fancied trying. New experiences help break up the monotony of every day life

* Hug and kiss, physical affection that doesn't lead to sex really does help to keep the spark alive

* dedicate an evening at least once a month where you get a babysitter for the night and spend time together.


Most importantly though, talk to him, I would perhaps not say that you don't think you're in love with him anymore, but maybe that you feel your stuck in a rut and need to put some spark back into your relationship, you're a couple and you should work through your problems together, not alone and I'm sure if you're feeling this way, he probably is too.

If it feels too much to tackle alone, maybe try someone like Relate, I have used them before and much of the points from above came from them, and I would highly recommend them

Lots of luck xxx

awww Mandy thanks for replying that excellent advice - really appreciate it xx

MiniMeg, I'm feeling exactly the same I love him dearly, but question if I am 'in' love.

I haven't dared talk to anyone about how i'm feeling, friends, my mum (who's my best friend) even you gals. But reading all the replys on here has made me really think.

I hope you find that spark again..big hugs

i know exactly how ur feeling and its not that im not in love with my oh because i am
but we r stuck in a rutt and we have both put on weight him alot more than me and im not interested in being physical with him at all!
but at the same time i know what our problems r i jst need hiim to see it and to try n tell him jst leads to an argument! we dont really do much together cos there is only a few ppl i can leave evan with and know he will be ok if i leave hiim with anyone else he jst cries whole time
and our biggest issue is oh's older son and his ex! we have his older son all the time its meant to be his ex who has joint custody but he is at our house all the time and i jst think me and oh need time to ourselves but when i try to say i think his son shud go to his mums it jst sounds like i dont want his son here which isnt the case
his ex isnt interested in having the son at all she is more interested in having a life and it jst really annoys me that my oh allows this to happen and he is happy to sacrifice us being happy or having a life so that his bloody ex can have a life, i know this isnt how he sees it but its how i see it and its how it is!
i wouldnt mind if we had full custody of the son but my oh wud never fight for it and his mother wud never give us it cos she wants all the money that comes with it child benefit or tax credits!

sorry meant to add, an example of how much his ex gives a shit is this over the 6weeks school summer holidays we had there son every day except for 7days (these 7 days she took him to turkey, this was a holiday her ex booked for them otherwise she wudnt have took her son cos she has never taken him before and she goes away every year) on her way home from the airport of there holiday she had the son dropped off at our house this was a mon night, she then said she wud take him to get his school clothes on the friday, i saw her on the thurs to pick some of his stuff up cos we were taking him on hol with us on the sunday and she forgot to give me his passport so i said well he is stayin with u 2moro anyway and her reaction was one of complete shock and she said oh is he cos i dont think so (she didnt even want to see her son who was going away abroad for 2 wks! the whole 2 wks we were away she txt her son once! wen we got home on sunday she phoned and oh said cos it was late he wud stay with us sun night and he wud drop him off on mon and she said well im working til 5.30 then going to running club at 6 (so basically she cudnt even miss her exercise class to spend time with him considering she hadnt seen him in 3wks)

sorry went off track a bit there but was trying to say i know the problem between me n my oh is that we never have time to do anything firstly cos obv we have evan but he cud be babysat but secondly cos oh older son is here all the time and the way my oh jst accepts this and accepts the way his sons mum dont give a shit and its like he is happy to put up with his puts me off him!!

All the advice on here is great and I really hope that anyone who feels like they are not in love can get their spark back

A combination of busy lives, LOs, tiredness and lack of excitement and relationship with our OHs suffer.

I am on the verge of convincing my OH that we are better off sleeping in separate rooms as a general rule so we both get better quality sleep and then we can make sneaky visits to each others rooms rather than the old crawl into bed together, him hinting that he would prefer not to go straight to sleep and me muttering something about being tired and us eventually falling asleep on our own sides of the bed.

I totally appreciate what you are all saying about being in love and there is a massive difference between being in love and loving someone. I love my OH and for me that means I want the best for him and I want to help him grow and succeed in life but for me the being in love bit fizzled away years ago with the first flush of a new relationship and our relationship has moved on from there.

As I say to my OH it isn't that I don't find him physically attractive it is just that I am now too knackered to find anyone physically attractive so maybe if I got more sleep without his knobbly knees and elbows in my way all night I might start finding him more attractive.

(note: for some of you that know my OH can be an utter pain the arse too )

I can totally understand. I went through a stage of feeling like this. and it was nothing my OH did it was just me. I hated and i mean hated when he touched me, even a peck.

If he went out to the pub i didn't care.

I was like this for about 3 months (just asked OH he said about 2-3 Months).

I was given advice from a friend to sit down and talk with him and tell him how i was feeling and it felt so much better. i didn't tell him i didn't love him any more. i told him i do love him but was finding it difficult to show him this as i was feeling as if though i didn't. i hope that makes sense.

anyway that was must be 4 months ago now maybe a bit more or less.

I wont go into depth of how i felt, but it was similar to you just a bit worse. i was actually in the process of finding a place to live and packing.

Talk to him, make time, there is always time dont ever say there is no time for each other. even a stroke of his arm when you walk past him or his back. shows affection and he'll return it.

I can same i'm a lot happier now. its not gone completely and i still have my days though they are very few now.

All of the suggestions on here are great for spicing up a relationship.

This sounds so lame, but if I listen to lovey songs then it makes me realise how much I am in love with my OH.

x

Laura wrote:

All of the suggestions on here are great for spicing up a relationship.

This sounds so lame, but if I listen to lovey songs then it makes me realise how much I am in love with my OH.

x

Me too Laura

i think its easy to get stuck in a rut, ive been with my OH for 19 years and it's easy to take each other for granted, i was really worried about how a baby would affect our relationship but i think its definately brought us closer.

as the others have said i think getting back the intimacy is the first step, even just cuddling on the sofa watching a dvd can make you feel really close.

you're lucky in one respect because you have a deep emotional attachment to him, the attraction can come back. He sounds like a great bloke, i hope you manage to sort it out.

im still very much in love with my other half, we have been together 3 yrs.. and having children does put a strain on a relationship, it seem to have made us stronger,

no way should you carry on if you are unhappy, talk to him, let him know why you feel like this...

many couples break up because they just wont talk to each other

but when all is said and done.. you need to follow your heart not what your head is telling you

hope you can sort it out x

I get worried hubby feels like this about me some times, I know he still loves me but wonder if he is still 'in love' with me im completely different to how we met and worry that he will go off me as I dont spend half as much time 'keeping him' happy not just sexually but everything, I dont seem to have time for him. Luckily we have started going out a bit when we get chance im just worried that we are going to drift apart even more when no 2 came here.
Prob hormones making me feel like this, but loving the advice above will be taking it on board just to give him a bit of spark back :(hug):