im hoping i can explain this clearly

ok as some of you know i am goign t o be sterilized in december!! alot of people think im to young at 29 but docs have said i can have it due to my history of pg and operations!!

now when i got the letter last week confirming my dates to go in and have it done i got a little upset.. its not actually something i want to do as i would LOVE MORE BABIES.. ireally would!!

and this is what makes me upset as i know being sterilised is a big decision!! in the beggining i was 100 percent all f or it because the coil which i was given when i had my big op last year has given me so many problems and i wanted it out and this is onyl other option for contraception for me!!


so back to the letter!! it come through last week and i become quite upset and down and didnt want to go through with it.. and stated i want another baby fact!! (which i do ) BUT in reality i know its just not fare on me or my body or my mental health so i have been fighting my mind and thoughts for afew days as to what to do for the best !!

thsi is my thoughts.. reason for NO MORE BABIES!!!

I have had 3 miscarrys one of which i nearly died the last one i had before having jamie and amelie.. i wont go in to it as it was very distresing !

so i have 3 children my second pregnancy ashleigh when i was 18 .. ashleigh was 9lb 8 and i put on 6 stone went from size 8 to 20 and it toally trans formed my body and with it my confidence!! and also had alot of damge to my lady bits ..i am only 5 foot 3 and by body was stressed to max

my 3rd preg a mc
my forth preg a mc
fifth preg i had jamie who was born really sick and suffered brain bleeds he was 8lb 3 at 37 weeks (worst time of my life ) i said iwasnt gonna go through another birth or preganancy as i felt i pushed my luck getting the 2 i now have !!

and then i fall again with amelie ..so the worry and panick and fear i feal through out my pregnancy is not for the faint hearted and i found it very draining on my soul and body

amelie was 10lb 7 at birth and the birth really did damage my body in every sence!!


so after amelie i had a op to fix things but my body really hasnt recovered and im still struggling to get healthy again!!


i also try to think that its would be best if i just had the 3 children as another would take more of my time away from 3 and i would have to give up work again and just change so much around again and if i had another i would need a c section and i dont want a big baby as i creid everyday for the last 4 weeks with amelie and most of all I NEED TO GET HEALTHY AND lose weight and start my career now amelie is gettinbg alittle older and having another one would put it all on hold again

soooooo .. ( i bet none of you made readign this far lol ) i foned and confirmed my appointment today.... im just so scared

sorry fo rit being long imterible as alway explainin and really needed to have it all in words to understand why im doing it

SOunds like you know its the right thing to do, i know how hard its been for you to get your body back, and still needs time, so I dont blame you for wanting one thing out of your mind which is getting PG again!

its a big step no wonder you're scared, are you 100% though, I pick up a hint of doubt from you.

yes abig massive doubt .. because i love having babies i want 12 babies i have alot of love to give but i know i have to be realistic and and my body just wouldnt cope with another pg and thats why its so sad .. my body says no my heart says yes

I dont blame yo for being scared but as far as i can see Emma, you have more than enough reasons for it done. i know its easier said than done but please dont beat yourself up about the decision you have made xxx

Well it certainly sounds like you are doing it for all the right (and well thought out) reasons. It is such a massive decision i'm not surprised you are scared. For many reasons i don't think i should have any more children, but equally the thought of making a final decision right now would upset me immensely. It's difficult after spending many years focused on babies to bring different things back into your life, look on the positives of 'finding' yourself and getting back your confidence and starting a new career, having new interests.

x x x

I'm so sorry you've had to come to this decision hun ut it sounds like your doing the right thing xxxx

i know deep down its the right thing to do i really do but its upsets me so much that i had a different dream and i cant fullfill it!!

i am going to do it and for silly other reasons to (this is wher eyou relise ima little weird lol ) i worry so much about dying and being ill because i feel so rubbish all the time and worry i got cancers in places they cant see..and because i have been bleeding for over a year i want them to do the sterilization because then they can see if my overies are ok

and i only been like this since i had my son !! who was the sick one somethign changed in me when i had him .. a feeling i cannot control now and that is fear and worry

tough decision for you to make but sounds like your making the right decision.

I think its an operation that wouldnt feel right even if you were 100% certain you didnt want anymore kids so it must be very hard for you.

you still have some time to think about it some more and come to terms with things

xxxxxx

if they had just done it when i had op ..i dont think i would of been so upset as i was in so much pain i wanted them to do anything!!.. but i had the op and feel relatively normalish which changed my thoughts on it .. but i am doing it as i know its right x

im gonna be so solom (sp) on here when i had it done lol

ur a mother, ur born to be a mother. u have to be one of the best folk iv ever came across. to have gone thru what u have to date, have the kids u do now and STILL BE AMAZING........ well my little lady, that in its self says it all...

ur complications are prob ur bodys way of saying enuff now, ur heart argues with that. i certainly know that feeling. but its time for you now u have ur kiddies, watch them grow now and grow with them live your life a little for ur self, as much as the baby cuddles and the little grunts and them smells are brilliant, u still have loads more to look forward to with the wee brood you have

im expecting my letter thru any time in the next couple of weeks too, iv been fighting with my emotions and common sense all week! this is what i tell my self

IV DONE MY BIT AND NOW ITS MY TURN TO SHAPE MY LIFE, EXPAND MY HORIZONS AND MOULD A FUTURE FOR MY BABIES



xx

Thats a lovely way of looking at things Laura x

I understand completely how you feel......my mental capacity would not take the stress of another pregnancy nor would our finances....top it off with the fact that im not good at having babies with the pre-eclampsia & the too much water problem......weve decided definately no more, and Chris will be getting snipped over the next year!

My heart says yes, but my body says no! Im gonna count my blessings xxx

laura you made me cry ..not ina bad way though ..your words are so comforting and i appreciate your kindness to me x

im confused as to how there doing it as there are a few ways now!! im soo looking forward to having the coil out though and maybe just maybe not having to wear a pad everyday!!

and maybe the hormones will finally settle.. when i look back what i have been through since jamie life deaths moving familys argumens my body mr health ..i really do wonder how i am not sectioned lol..

thanks for all your ladies replies it actually takes me ages to post my feelings lol

We are always here to listen to yo Em x

aww im sorry x!

you would actually all get fed up listening to me and wonder how so much shit can be in one persons life lol.. i worry posting to much as peopel may think i make it up lol..

laura dont be sorry your post was lovely to me x

I really cant add much to what Laura said.

Understand what a tough decision it is but it does sound like its the right thing for you. You are blessed with 3 gorgeous kids and need to focus on you again.
((hugs)) x

Nobody would think that Em x

Aw em sounds like your know it's right , but I'm still not convinced it's what you want.... :/

Hope your ok Hun you know where I am if want to talk x x x

No wonder your scared but by reading this post it does sound like ur sure that your doing the right thing xx