the elderly. I really do admire you all.

My MIL is 70 and is basically chair bound. She has parkinsons, frozen shoulder, arthiritis in just about every joint, shes hunched over, cant hardly walk dressed/use the toilet/get showered on her own, and well is basically in a right state.
She fell the other day and really hurt her back and is in absolute agony all the time. She already takes a cocktail of pills every day.
Anyhow my FIL is looking after her full time (believe me its begrudgingly) but he hasnt changed his routine at all to cater for her care. He still goes to the pub twice on a sunday, evey friday and twice through the week, goes to every home match that Barnsley play, and works in his garage much of the day.

They have a nurse come in once a day to cream her legs cause she has cellulitus but thats it. No other help at all. Now they have been offered help apparently but have turned it down.

Now since we have moved 4 doors away, everytime she is on her own i am getting phone calls, can i go round she needs help. As you can imagine i already have enough to doth 4 kids, a house and a business. But last night, fil was a pub she rang me urgent, so i went running round, she was throwing up everywhere, i had to hold the bowl so she could be sick, clean her up, put her on the commode etc and tbh i cant do it. I struggled through last night but i couldnt wipe her so had to ring fil home from pub (she had begged me not to cause he shouts at her), he wasnt happy. He turned round and said now you know how i feel!!! i was really upset.

Does anyone know of any help they can get, maybe someone to look after her when hes not there? I am thinking of ringing social services to see if they can help. I know he needs a break but its not my responsibility. And i feel so guilty for feeling this way

i know how you feel hunni i had to do it all for my great pap when my nan was on holiday having a break... its worse when its family.
for you FIL he prob cant cope aswell as he thinks thats why he goes out and carrys on as if there nothing wrong its his wofe he probs doesn't want to see her in pain etc

i know you can get carers in to help but i am unsure who to contact etc.
hope you can get someone for her is very upsetting for all off the family.!! xxx

I'd ring social services and see what options there are available in your area

God, what a horrible situation you are in.

First of all, dont feel bad, none of this is your responsiblity. You have got enough going on in your own life, without having to worry about looking after somebody else.

They have already turned down help? Well, they need to re-assess this.

I think that you need to get your FIL over to yours one evening, along with your OH, and get it all out in the open and come up with a plan about getting some outside help in.

x

Believe me Laura if i think he would listen i would have fil around here like a shot but he is the most rude and unapproachable man on earth. Their head is buried firmly in the sand.

There is another 2 sons and a daughter (the daughter lives next to us), The daughter takes her shopping every Wednesday to tesco, one of the sons wife cleans for her (they both get paid for it) the other brother and his wife never come near.

The problem is the daughter goes out Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun nights, one of the brothers and his wife have a drink every weekend and live a drive away and the others like i said dont come near and live too far away. Oh and bens always at work. Its only me who has no life!!

You ahve four kids to look after, sounds like a pretty busy life to m hun x

Awww Mara that's awful you have more than enough on your plate with this adding to it.

I would ring SS to see what available, as awful as it sounds she might better of in some sort of care home or sheltered accomodation despite what your FIL thinks. At least that way she would have someone there to help her out when she needed it
xx

Def ring SS, there are home carers who should be able to help, although its not free anymore.

then there are private companies like Arches (i think) and you might be able to get some respite care if needed especially after the fall.

hope it gets sorted hun xxx