I just wondered if any ladies here earn more than their OH and if so - how does your OH feel about it?

The reason I ask is because a friend of mine is having some 'issues' with her boyfriend and they basically stem from the fact she earns moore than him . She is a police officer and he is a building contractor so basically she has a steady income and career and he moves around a lot working short term contracts and doesnt have guaranteed work. Now this was fine when they first got together but as they have got more serious and started talking about families and moving in together etc it is becoming more and more of an 'issue' and they have recently had a 'break' because of it. They are back together now and really do love each other and want to make a go of it but this 'issue' is still gonna be lurking in the background.

He is a builder and a real man's man, thinks he should provide for his family and be the bread winner etc but in reality it is my friend who has a much better wage than him (and job stability). When it comes to having kids they are worried how they will survive on his money and SMP (she already has quite a big mortgage) and even though she says she doesn't mind going back to work and having childcare I know deep down she would want to be at home for as long as she can, if not have a career break to be a SAHM. I am worried that when it comes to it she will end up resenting the fact that she has to go back to work because she is the main earner and that he will feel inferior because he thinks he can't 'provide'.

Does anybody have experience of this? any suggestions or advice I can pass on? What would you do in that situation?

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Honestly? Brutally? It sounds like more is going on. If you love someone and want to make a life with them, share your life with them, make babies and be together forever... then money might be a bit of an irk but not an "issue" to break up over - unless it is an indicator of other things like control, anger, not opening up, not willing to discuss things in general...

Just my opinion on the matter.

It's all swings and roundabouts - like you say, when she's on maternity he'll be earning more, then even if she goes back it might be part time, but then with promotions or potentially with his job being more unstable she could end up earning more once again.

If they can't communicate and work that out though - something which is black and white and calculatable (is that a word?) Lord help them in times of strife / raising children etc.

Not sure if any help there xx

mm i have alittle of this .. he does get a alittle more than me but only because he works more hours if we where to do same our i would bring home way more!!

but i am independant and dont ask him fro anythig i just save and get on with it.. .. my oh .. hates the fatc that i always have spare cash and i can save and do food shopping thats lasts a whole wee where as he would get shopping same amount of money that would last only 3 days .. i manage to save for day trip take out cliothes holidays .and he cant he just wastes money and he resent this .. when we split up ihe didnt need to give m anythign and i never asked for anything and he hated the face iu didnt need him and that i wasnt dependant on his money !! sorry if i have gone off track .. but i think the issue being his male pride!!

Im a nurse on a decent wage who works nights for the extra shift allowance, neils a windscreen fitter who gets a base wage he then has to earn bnus per job to top up. On a good month if he worked his nuts off and i never got to see him he would have the potential to match my earnings but on day to day my wages def outstrip his even with me working 32.5 hours and him on 40.

I think deep down he would prefer he earned more than me - its a man thing i think - but i cant say its ever become an issue we would seriously consider being a problem. I pay 2/3rds of our bills and he pays the other 3rd and when he can he tops us up with extras. I appreciate it when he can and ignore it when he cant and rarely draw attention to the extra i put into the household unless hes being an arse about money which is unusual.

I have to say like Grace I think if they are breaking up over it they really need to consider if they are in a good place right now as it would never enter either of our heads to make a huge relationship deal out of money. I went to uni and studied for 3 years, working bank on top of placement hours to top up my bursary, had to live my my parents to stay out of debt til i qualified and busted my bum to get my qualification and he accepts thats why i have a higher earning potential. Your friend being a police officer earns more because she did in depth training and has a potentially hazardous job and thats reflected in her pay. Her bf should really see that.

Day to day i cant think of how often it crops up with us tbh, if theres a money prob i ask him if he can help and if he can he does. If he cant i sort it. Anything thats in our savings account you can guarantee 80% of it has been put there by me. Of course id love him to contribute more but its not feasible so i just get on and do it cos i love him and thats the main thing.

I do understand your friend wanting to be a sahm and worrying about the drop in wages as thats why im only on 7 months mat leave next year - we couldnt live on neils wages alone so once my mat pay drops i have to go back but to be honest she needs to consider if the money thing is driving such a big wedge between them now if having kids is that good an option at the mo anyway as the finances are only gonna get tighter lets face it.

Sorry if that seems harsh or unhelpful its just how i see it being in a similar situation.

I used to earn more than James until I fell pregnant. We had always agreed that he would take time out and I would work full time.

It didn't cause any problems for us as we have always kept our finances separate. Not house stuff, but 'spare' cash. This works for us as he wastes his money and I save.

When Aimee was so poorly it all went out the window and we were lucky that his wage ended up matching mine after he got a rise.

It has come up since, quite a few times, and he often moans how he was supposed to be at home.

On the bright side, having ran around after 2 kids in the last week he has FINALLY admitted he would go mad at home all day! Result!!!

I used to earn more than Karl before i was PG, it never bothered him because he knows I'm the one with the brains

I earn more than my other half.... so much more that he had to stop work to look after Tyler while I went back to work.

I know where your friends are coming from because I resent the fact that I had to go back to work and that my OH got closer to Tyler than I did and he feels like he can't talk to me if he has a bad day because I am the one who wants to be at home and he wants to be working.

It is hard sometimes but we would never split up over it.

someone has to work why does it have to be the man? Its hard being away from Tyler but we make it work and now he's going to nursery neither of us see him all the time so it's much easier now.

Why don't they try and save a big load of cash before thinking about having kids and then that way she will have more options when it comes to going back to work early or not. If they save enough they might have enough for her not to go back to work as soon as they think they might have to.

I earn a pittance compared to my oh which pisses me off at times because I sometimes feel inferior to him. It's nothing that he does or says it's just me. He tells me to get over it, which I do. I honestly beleive that all couples have issues when it comes to money,who earns most, who spends most, (me in our house, apparently the current economic state of this country is down to me and me alone)!

What I'm trying to say is that money/responsibilty for childcare is an issue for most of us, most of us work through it as it's not the most important thing in a relationship .... is it??

i earned about £7000 a year more which was why i was going back to work full time and he was staying with ava, we can manage with me going part time, just not have the same lifestyle as before. He's never resented me earning more though.

i used to, but now ive been made redunant.. he used to mind a bit. even thou he says he never did..

I earn quite a lot more than my OH, but its never been an issue!

We laugh about it saying 'hes a kept man'......we think of it as a 'pot' in our house and it all just gets put together as a household income. Neither of us care where it comes from.

I also cant belive it would be something to split over, if there are no other problems???

Back in the day..I made more but only for a short while as he was an apprentice making peanuts. So was kinda fun to be the man of the house for awhile. I would use that against him as leverage! LOL Now there is no way I can make what me makes per annum if I went back to work. Financially things are coming together and we are incredibly grateful for everything. xxx

i earn more than adam and always have but its never been an issue as we dont have seperate money anyway.

its funny tho my ex always used to give me the ' i earn more than you, therefore i can do this' etc

he was a complete tosser

I earn more than my oh, quite a bit more. Sometimes i hate earning more because i have had to cut short my mat leave because we can't live on his wage and smp for me. Eoin was 4 months old when i went back and i hate it. I would like to work part time if i could.

I earn about £10k more than my OH and we never even mention it as neither of us could care less! when i was with my ex i also earnt more and he was never bothered either. I really cant see why it would be so much of an issue xx

we dont have seperate money, when we both worked full time he earnt a bit more than i did not much tho, now he plays poker professionally and i work part time so his earnings basically depend on how much he wins that month he is sponsered to play so he isnt spending our money to play but if he has a really good month he can come out with a few grand other months he comes out with a couple of hundred, last month wasnt a great month so he his winnings/wage are very little for this month
where as i get the same part time wage every month so it really jst depends on his winnings as to who comes out with the most money at the end of the month
but its never been an issue, like his biggest win he came out with a good few grand and he used some of it to pay off our credit card and my next account and some other little bits of debt or credit we had but he wud never cast up that i only earnt £800 that month and he earnt 10k it was jst our money end of
since moving in together we have always used my wage to pay the bills and his wage to live off of which we still pay most of the bills of my wage and he gaves me so much money into my bank when he gets paid which covers food for the month and anything we need throughout the month he will get
we also have money put away for the months that he has a bad month and earns nothing so we know we can have food for the month
but all money that comes in no matter where its came from is our money

Hi ladies, I'm a new member here..a male one.

Eh, I think money / earning doesn't have to be a problem. I'm a physician and my wife is a dentist, everybody knows, dentists makes way way more than a physician. I don't let that become a burden to me, I'm v proud of her.

I think there's more to it than just money issue. Maybe insecurity? or something else.

Welcome and thanks for the male perspective its nice to hear it from another side