aww hun, sorry i havent read all the replys so sorry if im repeating anything.i really do feel for you, i dont know what to suggest though as im having a similar problem this last week...seeing as im off work he seems to think he can just up and go as he pleases...infact he has stayed at his mums(i will be checking up on that) 3 times this week because he's been watching footy with his dad and brother i just wanted to let you know your not alone hope you sort it out soon xxxx

Sorry ur feeling like this lisa x
cant really add to all the advice uve been given just hoope it gets sorted out xx

Ladies thank you all so much, I love each and every one of you

I have completely lost my social life. If I have one at all it's always with Dave. I never do anything on my own, just with my friends. I used to be out every night of the week when we 1st got together. So I think he's just far to used to being able to go out whenever he likes, and he loves it. Well I've got news for him, I'm laying down a few house rules and if he ever wants to get his end away again he'll live by them! xxx

Lisa

didnt expect you to be in this position.

You need a good row. or even a meal out together where you can talk. as there is no getting away when you are out.

I find i can only talk to Trev when we are out. at home he dont listen.

It's really frustrating when they dont listen.

i've been through the same thing with trevor and it was really hard. Mandy offered me some advice right when i needed it. and was there for a chat one night when things were really bad.

You've the support of everyone here and like everyone else am here if you need a chat

hope you get it sorted Lisa, he probably doesnt even realise youre unhappy, men live in their own little world sometimes. x

Awww hunni ((((((((((hugs))))))))))) I hope Dave sees sense soon, he obviously doesn't know how lucky he is to have two such beautiful girls in his life.

Whilst I agree that a good row can get things out in the open I do find that Paul either doesn't listen or gets so wound up that he forgets most of what I have said and twists the rest into something it isn't. When things have got really serious between us in the past I have found the only way I can get through to him and also sort my own mind out is to write it all down. I usually do this in the form of an email to his work address as I know he will be in concentration mode and can read it without confronting me and really take it in. I know its a bit below the belt to put him in that position at work but it is the only way I know he will actually read and process what I have written. It's also a bit of therapy for me to actually write it all down and read back over it and actually get straight how i feel. I have actually written him letters that I have never sent but just writing it down has helped me to figure out where we are going wrong.

Hope you can work it out hun

xxx

I agree with what Emma said and he's probably doing it because he thinks he can, and needs telling otherwise.

I really hope you get things sorted.

Hey Lisa,

Im so sorry youre even having to post about this!

I think you should arrange a sitter for a few hours (day or night...whatever suits your family best), and just go for lunch/dinner together (i find it really hard to talk with a mad Isla hurtling about)

Explain to him like you have here that you feel that his priorities have changed etc, and your seriously worried about your relationship..........try a calm approach and give him a chance to tell you where his head is at................and if that doesnt work............

THROW A FOOKIN BIG WOBBLER!!!!!!

I just know that since having Isla, I have notived that be both 'assume' an awful lot because we dont get chance to hold a normal conversation!!

I hope you get it sorted..........huge hugs

I really have no more advice to add! The other ladies have covered it all! I hope you get it all sorted soon!

Xx

Aww, Lisa..Men are just knobs sometimes arn't they?

They live in their own little bubble and frig everyone else. My OH is the same at times and thats when I bring the pin out and burst that flipping bubble!!

I actually agree with Deb's, I know some have said a good row is in order and although it might get all your frustrations out and let him truly see how you are feeling. But writing it down too I finds really helps, sorting your own head out and allowing him to read it and re-read it if needs be, I find it sinks in much better when they can't answer back to a piece of paper.

I have written letters too and never actually given them to OH but it just helps me to unload too and usually have a good cry in the process

Is this a new job he has got? Maybe he's just trying to impress, but not realising he's neglecting the ones most important. Bug hugs hunni and I am sure you'll be back on track soon. xxx

Im sorry you are having a rough time Lisa. I didnt meet Dave at the meet but you spoke about him and this seems like a big surprise. I think he is genuinely not giving any thought to what he is doing and one way or the other you need to hammer it into his head and soon.

Neil and I went through a meltdown the other week about him taking me for granted. He doesnt go out all the time and is home every night but it wasnt quality time. He was bascially doing naff all to help and leaving me to do all caelyn's care and between nights and 1st trimester tiredness I reached the point of no return and tore his face off. He sulked for a few hours then came and admitted he hadnt been pulling his weight and promised to try harder. Im even getting a lie in out of it in the morning

Different circumstances for me but similar problem, id been bottling up how i felt for weeks and it wasnt til i let rip he realised how bad i felt. Id say either go for it big style if you think hes man enough to admit he was a muppet after a row or if you think a gentler approach is needed maybe send him to his mums for a few days with a nice long letter to read and think about

Either way i really hope its sorted soon

Ahh Lisa (((((hugs))))) x

I think it's quite a common to situation for couples and parents to get in to. With the exception of a few, the woman is the main carer of the child/ren and assumes the responsibility without question. Whereas the man often needs guidance and will rarely, regularly contribute in the same as the woman. Us 'women' often...somewhere along the way, get a little consumed with our new roles and lives that we forget who we really are.

I guess for the man they take second place and they themselves have to create a new life too. I also think that when we hit our 30's is when we realise were really not getting any younger either. It can be a lot for a couple to go through, with or without children. Some survive, some don't.

You and Dave really seem to have a strong relationship, even if it doesn't feel that way atm. But you have one worth fighting for! I'm sure if you explain how you are feeling and what changes could be made to make you both feel better as a couple and as individuals, you can rebuild what's been broken.

I really hope you guys can discuss what's going on (however that may be) and resolve things soon, take care x

Lisa I'm so sorry you are going through a tough time, I'm also sorry but I can't offer any advise.
I've been through a really shit time with my oh, things very similar to what you have described and far far worse.

I know exactly how you are feeling and I wouldn't wish it on anyone.
The advise the ladies have given is all fantastic, but what ever you decide to do is the right thing for you!

I truly hope he stops being a prick (I'm sorry I don't know him, I probably shouldn't say that)
And realise what he needs to do to make you happy again!

Big hugs Hun xx

Kell he is being a prick lol

It's so good to know that I'm not the only one who's having a bit of a tough time a wobble. I was feeling very emotional before but I've calmed down a bit now, thanks to you all.

I think I also need to make more effort so I'm going to suggest that 1 night a week we have date night and another night a week we have to be in and neither of us are allowed on the computer. I think that'll be a good start.

I feel a bit mean as he does work so hard and deserves to go out and have some fun. He really does pull his weight around the house too. I think I've just heard too much "I need to ...I have to" recently and I need to ask him to reprioritise. I am going to TELL him that going to the gym on a weekend is not on as it's the only time (one time in a week as I work every other saturday) we get to lie in together, and that's something I really miss.

Oh and I've asked some of my girlies if they want to have a man free night out soon too!

aww im sorry ur feeling like this hun! i hope u get things sorted
ur def not alone i feel like my relationship jst doesnt even exist my oh spends all his time on his computer! he uses it for work to, and he is always on skype speak to his mates so although we r both in we r chatting
he has been in a constant mood since our holiday and ive jst had enough
he jst said he was away to his mates to get pissed and be up all night to which i went off my head cos i want him to take evan 2moro morning to let me go to my exercise thing and he has fell out with me wen i asked what was wrong with spending night with me he says i spend every night with u and when i pointed out no u dont u spend every night with them on the comp im tellin rubbish apparently

i hope u both can work it and he sticks to ur rules a date night def sounds like a good plan
im sure he does want to save ur relationship he jst wont realise there is problems

LisaGandAmelia wrote:

Kell he is being a prick lol

It's so good to know that I'm not the only one who's having a bit of a tough time a wobble. I was feeling very emotional before but I've calmed down a bit now, thanks to you all.

I think I also need to make more effort so I'm going to suggest that 1 night a week we have date night and another night a week we have to be in and neither of us are allowed on the computer. I think that'll be a good start.

I feel a bit mean as he does work so hard and deserves to go out and have some fun. He really does pull his weight around the house too. I think I've just heard too much "I need to ...I have to" recently and I need to ask him to reprioritise. I am going to TELL him that going to the gym on a weekend is not on as it's the only time (one time in a week as I work every other saturday) we get to lie in together, and that's something I really miss.

Oh and I've asked some of my girlies if they want to have a man free night out soon too!

Yay this will do us both some good, will be fab to catch up with the other girls too!
x

Aww Lisa i only just really this. Sorry you feel so crappy and Dave needs his ass whooping btw lol.

Like the sound of your action plan though

Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry you're feeling down, I would be too! I'm rubbish at realtionships so i don't have any advice, and the advice already given is excellent, just wanted to send you a big hug and some positive thoughts! It might be good to have a bit of a blow out and start afresh with each other! And going drinking sounds like an excellent idea!! I hope you feel better soon! hugs!

AhhhhLisa - just seen this. I can't sayh anything else than what has already been said. I really hope you and Dave manage to sort this out

xx