Hi ladies

Please either offer some amazing advice or give me a good slap.

My ex is now saying he doesn't want to split up and wants to give us till end feb. Then 2 days ago he says he never wants to lose me and can't live without me and has since been professing how much he loves me on frequent occasions.

What do i do? i don't know what to think. I don't know what to do. I'm soooo confused.

Please help me!!!



Dee
x

I have no real advice but what is your head telling you? When I left my ex my heart was pining for him and I really wanted to be with him but my head said no! (My ex physically hurt me though) and I don't know your situation fully, but I think you should either give it another go but make sure if he messes up that is it or you'll be labelled a doormat (to him) or walk away and maybe end up thinking what if? I don't know your relationship so can't say either or (sorry not much help!!)

But this is how I generally tend to deal with all kinds of situations (in the past my heart won and got broken multiple times now usually my head wins) Dills xxxxx

errrr, I am not surprised you are confused - he is messing you about big time!

Is he prepared to work at the things that made you 'split' in the first place? If so then maybe see if he makes a dramatic change straight away and maybe he is honestly wanting to work on it (my OH has made very little effort, so for me Im not changing my mind right now!)

I suppose it would depend on whether he had done this before ie promising to change wanting to get back etc etc. If it has and it just goes back to how it was before then you need to ask yourself how long you can carry on like this. If it's the first time then may you could give him a second chance. Only you can decide Hun, I hope things work out for you Dee x

He blamed the whole split on me. He's also said numerous times he's not gonna change. It honestly wasn't my fault i just want him to help more in the house.

I've agreed to end feb but i won't be doing month to month. If he thinks it's still not working then i'm off. Don't get me wrong i love and adore him but i can't put my life and heart on hold forever.

Dee
x

he is still laying down all the terms dee, i am inclined to think its a control thing hun.

i know you love him with all your heart but he seems to be playing games, see what happens at the end of feb, follow your heart

^^^^^^ what jo said x

I have to agree with Jo.

Why would you take him back if he's still blaming you?

Your only going to end up splitting again if you do not sort the issue's out now before getting back into a relationship.

If it were me i'd leave no matter how much i loved him. and tell him that once he has a job or starts to prove he's looking and starts helping around the house then your consider taking him back.

he's being a pig and you should not be taking it from him.

Right now my kitchen is a mess and its down to OH to wash up. thats his only job i ask him to do as i cook. i do everything else and this is cause he works 6 days a week and long hours. but he will do other things if i ask.

he's not done the washing since weds and i refuse to do it. he'll do it tonight though.

if you want him to do something dont do it yourself. if you keep proving you can do everything yourself he's not going to help. dont pick up after him, stop cooking for him dont wash his clothes. show him how much you do.

Tried that. The hosue ends up a tip x

but you clean it up dont you because it does.

dont i know its hard just dont. or just do yours and Mia's. dont do anything for him and i mean nothing.

moan about it too. or make sneaky mess and blame it on him.

lol sneaky mess. ha ha x

seriously though your OH needs a flipping smack in the face.

You should not put up with it just because you love him. If he loves you like he keeps saying he'd be helping you around the house

Dee, he's a nob head!

He upset you so much last weekend and told you it was over! Maybe the ballbag thought you'd apologise for all the nagging and moaning that you do and that you'd get off his back and allow him to do *$%£ all and let you be a skivvy!

BUT you didn't apologise, you kept your dignity and pride and started making plans! This obviously scared the shit out of him so he's back tracking a bit now.

If you want him (I suspect you do) I'd hold out a bit longer and say something like "you were probably right it is me, I'll never be anyones skivvy and will never tolerate such shitty behaviour from a man"! And also make the him put your name on the house coz if not it's always going to be his house and it's always going to be you that has to leave (I'd check with cab on that anyway, you have a child you have rights)!

So if you want him make sure you're in charge!

Xx

Well, I am a right twisted cow, so this is what I would do....

Agree to give it a go until the end of Feb... be the best person you can be, and be loving, caring and happy (even if you dont feel it inside), just make sure its there on the surface.

Then... if you are not happy at the end of month, kick his arse to the kerb and he will sit there thinking what a knob he has been and regretting every single second he was awful to you.

You dont have anything to lose by giving it until the end of Feb. You dont seem sure that you want it over, which means that you will always wonder 'what if' if it does end too soon.

x

I don't want it to end. I just find it difficult to live with him cause he's so unhelpful and i'm sick fed up doing everything. He is the one who says that it's me who thinks that nothing is good enough or what he does isn't enough. I'm the one who wants to work things out and agree on stuff. He's the one who just tossed it all out the window.

He's not really a compromise guy i think. He's too black & white. If we were to live seperately he sees it as splitting up but i think we need space.

Dee
x

Could you possibly have a break from eachother?

Is there anywhere he can go for a week and he may realise how much you do for him when you are not around?

You could set a date night where you will arrange to meet up at the end of the break to have a talk x

There's nowhere i can go. x

Y'know what, im gonna sound harsh here...but I would get away from this arse as fast as my legs would carry me!!!!!!

He is a controling dominator, who wont be happy until hes got you exactly where he wants you! Hes panicked because youve stood up to him, and by staying hes won again!

This is a damaging relationship to you, and do you want Mia to grow up thinking its OK for men to be like this with women?? Unhelpful, and controling?

Its awful because I know you love him.......but sometimes we cant have what we want, because the other person 'cant' be different.

I know you will prob give him till end of Feb, but please if things arent 100% different, then leave for yours and your babies sake.

Big hugs, im not lecturing I promise!!

Lisa x

lol Lisa i know. It's just really difficult to make the final decision. I'm not scared to do it alone. I've done it before and i'll do it again. I just really wanted to have a long lasting relationship and have Mia grow up with both of us. I come from a broken family so making things work is important to me. I know how unhappy having to see 2 parents can be. x

and I understand Dee, I really do!! I was in a very controling relationship, and it wasnt easy to walk away at all, and if you really believe in your heart of hearts he can change, then great. But if you 'have heard it all before' then dont waste any more of your precious life with him.

You can still be a great parents together if you and he are amicable.

xxx

Dee

If he has said he is not going to change I would be reluctant to give him another chance. What's to say he doesn't buck up his ideas until end of february then go back to his usual ways. Go with what your head is telling you is best for you and mia, you deserve someone who will be there to support and help you both

I have pretty much heard it before. Every relationship is the same really. Difference with this one is i do want to work it out and make it work. He really isn't a bad guy. He's just selfish and lazy x

he tells u what u wanna hear and when u need to hear it . he shoves u away far and wide and then tells u how he cant be without u! he plays mind games left right and centre. sorry, u know iv said this to u before. he wont change, he wants his way all the way and the wifey at home doing as she is told. he goes on work nights out and his work mates try to set him up with slappers!!! he is a FATHER not a playboy... its all or nothing. that e mail he sent u was full of ME ME ME ME ME ME. what he wants, how he feels, what he needs. and u bend and break ur self to fill them and get what in return ?? yeah u love him, convinced he is a nice guy, cause he dont beat u, provides for u... yeah but at what cost?? its thrown in ur face every other week and ur back to this whole head space again only u can fix it... sorry. dont mean to be harsh. but its nothing i havent said to ur face. u know im here x

i know i know arrgghhh!!!!! It's hard for me though and you know it babe. I know you're here and i love you to bits for it. God only knows why you put up wi my moaning x x x