I love watching One born every minute, and get all emotional when the babies are born but it just reminds me how disappointed I am with Chloe's birth, I still can't get it out of my head how horrible it was 2 years on and how I feel I missed out on so much of her first couple of days. I know it shouldn't matter because she's here and healthy and I'm alive but I just can't shake it.

I really wish I could look back on her birth and say what an amazing experience it was, pointless post sorry, just needed to get it out

I dont think its unusual for it to be in your head lots - its an important thing and if it didnt go how you wanted I can imagine it bugging the hell out of you all the time

I hope some day you can think about it in a less negative way

,,,, im not sure on your birth story mandy but i also hope you feel less negative regarding it x

awww I get like that sometimes. I had forceps delivery and feel I failed because I couldn't push her out or gave up too early. You should be proud of yourself for carrying her for 9 months and looking after yourself during that time - thats an achievement xx

I know how you are feeling. I spent 20 months feeling like that about Aimee.

My labour was so awful too, and when she was born I was so badly stitched I couldnt do anything for her, then she ended up in hospital for ages. It was such a miserable time, and would have been even if she hadnt been so ill in hospital.

Just remember, that every labour is different. My labour was 100% different with Lily, and when you have your next baby, I am sure it will be much better and you may be able to get past what happened before. I can certainly say it has helped get rid of my demons x

I feel exactly the same Mandy i look back on Taylas birth and the thought if ever going through that again fills me with dread, the 'care' i received was awful
I get quite jealous when i see these babies being born on OBEM and cry just watching it, yet i was so not with it when Taylas came into the word i didnt cry!

Thanks Ladies, I think that's the solution Laura, to have another one!

Terri that's exactly how I feel, it is almost jealousy, when I see how it should be, the magical moment when your baby is born and you get that first cuddle, I didn't have any of that, in fact the first 48 hours after her birth are a bit of a blur, she was taken straight out of theatre with Matt while they tried to sort me out and I was so ill after I have no idea who even did her first bum change, I don't remember her first feed, her first day, anything really. I'm terrified of having another one in case it goes the same way, even though that's very unlikely

I know it's silly and that she's safe and well, I guess I shouldn't watch these blooming programmes then I wouldn't think about it

Thats the same as us Mandy, i did have a quick hold and i remember saying OMG she is tiny (which scared me) and then she was off to the nursery. I didnt see her again till that evening and that was only for 10mins Even Luke wasnt allowed to hold her as she was in an incubator. I still have no idea what they gave me but that day and the next are a totally blur, i was out of it, shaking, trying to be sick i felt so ill! They gave me one injection of pain relief then i was on paracetamol!
Im so glad ill be in England next time, hopefully it will be better. I wish i had come back when i was near the end of my preg instead of paying 3k for rubbish care!

sounds like we had a similar experience, the only difference is Chloe was fine, I was just too ill to look after her. We'll both have to have abother one to get over it

i feel a bit like that mandy, i was so shocked at the end of my labour there were no tears when ava arrived, i felt in such a daze. I had an ideal in my head , david cutting the cord, skin to skin straightaway but after a difficult delivery, it took ages for them to get ava breathing and it was horrific. I try not to think about it but when i watch OBEM is always seems so straight forward and i always wonder what if...

my actual labour and birth were a great experience but everything after that was awful and i'm determined to never let that happen again!!

i still feel the same, i used to cry about my labour for ages after thinking my body had failed me, i was angry at the midwives because i think it would have beeina lot easier birth had they listend to me from the start when i was thelling them somehting didnt feel right, and had they have burst my waters to help me along a bit i wouldnt have been in labour so long and maybe had more energy during the pushing stage, not that that would have made any difference lol. i could tell something wasnt quite right and told them...well mumbled..i needed to go for a section something was wrong, they only bloody listend when his head was born and the rest of him wouldnt come. but then i got so scared he was gonna die that i pushed him out and he wripped me to shreads...they later said if he was stuch much longer he would have lost use of his arms, but i feel they failed me they should have noticed something was wrong when they were in and out saying 'oh last time you were in every position going and didnt have drugs till 7cm...err yeah doesnt that indicate something wasnt quite right seeing as i couldnt even speak
the first day was a total haze, oliver didnt feed much either cos i had pethadine late on so was just zonked out... i always said if i was to have another id seriousley ask the if i could be induced once the baby gets to a certain weight cos i honestley think he was just too big for me

talking about it will help, why dont you rewrite your birth story? xx

oh and just to add, it watching OBEM(or somehting similar) that i heard the word shoulder displasia(dystocia), which is what i heard the mw's saying when they were pressing the buzzer to take me for an emergency section. then heard the mw tell the ward when i went down 'we nearly had a shoulder displasia' but never knew what it meant until i heard it on there very educational xx

I've kept a diary since she was born, will pop it up in blogs section for anyone who wants a nose, maybe it will be theauputic for me to read it again!

I agree with laura, the only way i think you will move on it to have another birth.
My experience and care with tommy was rubbish, i use to think about it alot and for a long time as well (7years) My experience with Charlie was amazing!!
I think birth plans are rubbish, you cant plan something like that! Everyone and every birth is different! With charlie i just went with what i felt at the time and i feel like i had a good experience!

It sounds like you had a rough time and can sympathise as C's birth was horrendous, i cant say i cared that it ended up in section as opposed to natural birth etc but i did hate that i wasnt the 1st person to hold her and in fact was a bit later before i was even well enough to, i cant even remember who dressed her etc. I told my mw this time round i felt it contributed a lot ot my pnd and is the prime reason ive asked for an elective section this time round. Im also planning on asking if during the section when they take Awen out if they can drop the screen and put her on my chest.

Id def say im totally freaked out about this birth after the last one and the closer i get the more scared and anxious i become. All i can say is down the road C's birth has become less important to me as she is well and whole and is my perfect little girl so how she got here is less of an issue. If itbothers you that much though id suggest contacting your local midwifery unit who can have someone discuss it with you who is trained in birth trauma. I initially asked for this when i got preg with awen but its not materialised for me and tbh im more focussed on this one now to be chasing it but might be worth it for you xxx

Just because there was a positive outcome at the end doesn't mean you don't have regrets hun and you shouldn't feel bad. It is a major part of your life and not something you can change, are you planning on having any more?

In contrast from my point of view Ollies birth was lovely only 2 and a half hours from start to finish and no problems at all actually delivering. I wouldn't have been able to look after him because for the first night I was being constantly monitered after heamoriging and going into DIC but all my problems were caused by the abruption not the actual labour.

aww hun i know how you feel..

i haf a bad time with paige.. the labour lasted days.. she got stuck.. they thought i could push her out.. n i couldnt she got pulled out by forcets n i didnt bond with her for weeks.. even when i was in the hopsital.. i wasnt looking after my baby.. i was looking after 'a' baby..

i couldnt go nothing for her for hours due to having a spinal block n i had all of flipping perrys family there.. who came running into me even we for i got out the op room and back into my birth room.. i was one of the last people to hold paige.. i bugs me soo much.. xx

Ahhh hun,
I know how you feel, i always feel bad when someone gives birth naturally on that programme.
would you try for a VBAC next time? I dont fancy the same thing happening next time, but i dont want to miss the experIence again, so im in two minds
XxX

thanks for all your lovely words and reassurance that I'm not completely mad

I would definitely try for a vbac next time, unless my baby is in danger there is absolutely no way I'm going through another sectiona again

See im total opposite, theres no way in hell im having a natural birth. If its what makes you feel secure thats the main thing xxx

thanks for the info about the birth trauma unit mario, because of work I'm always in the maternity unit where I had Chloe so I'll have a chat with the midwifes next time I'm in there x

I think that would deffo be a good idea. As i understand it its a trained midwife who will look through your notes and discuss it with you. Might lay your demons to rest. Im hoping for a great experience this time to do that for me

Aww hun I completely understand, if it was anything like my experience with Harry I feel for you (yours sounded like it was worse though ) I think we should have more babies to experience better births lol xx

My friend, had a horrible experience she had a crash section so was completley knocked out when her little boy was born
She went for the therapy, dont know that it helped her much but anything is worth a shot
XxXx