Caitlin is very outgoing. Eg if I take her to park/gymnastics etc she is straight off playing and doesnt look back at me. She approaches other children and laughs with them almost like she is trying to make friends.

At her cousins bday party on Sat she backed into another toddler on a car and the lil girl cried for a few min. Caitlin glanced down, realised she had bumped into her and got really upset. She was like a monkey climbing up me to get a cuddle and started sobbing and hiding her head in my neck. She refused to look up and it was a good 10 min before she felt able to play again - and even then she didnt appear to be having as much fun.

Today we were at gymnastics free play and by coincidence the same lil girl was there. Caitlin and her were in a wendy house and Caitlin was playing peek a boo & laughing with me at the door. The other tot suddenly started crying (I think she wanted out & Caitlin was in the way), Caitlin looked horrified, scrambled out and started crying. Again she was in my arms hiding her face and refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

Both times I tried reassuring/showing Caitlin that the child was ok, she hadnt done anything wrong, wee accident etc but it doesnt seem to work. Today after 15-20 min of trying to distract Caitlin and her continuing to lie face down on my lap/cover her eyes with her hands I gave up and took her home.

How do you teach a child not to feel guilty/ashamed/embarassed? I know I still need to tell her off if she does hit out but how do you get a balance. I dont want this to become a habit and it end up spoiling all our toddler sessions/playdates.

i have no idea hun i hope she grows out of it might be a phase poor wee hunni bless her xx

Really don't know what to suggest snoops. Maybe caitlin is just starting to be aware of other people's feelings (which is good). I reckon that once she realises that people that are upset are only upset for a minute or two and it's not permanent then she will be fine. In themeantime you're doing the right thing in reassuring her.
xx

I think it's just a phase hun. Thomas went through a similar thing around Caitlins age. Everytime another child cried itreally really upset him.

I remember we were waiting in the doctors for Hannah's jabs (so he would have been about Caitlins age then) and there was a little boy waiting who was obviously in pain with an ear infection and he kept crying out and every time he did Thomas burst into tears and ran and got on my knee. He wouldn't look at the other little boy or his mum and clung to me as if he thought it was his fault.

I actually think it's a good thing as it shows they are becoming aware of other peoples feelings and emotions. It's a little confusing for them at first as they haven't learned how to distinguish between whether it's their fault or not but it shows they can show empathy for others.

It didn't last long for Thomas tbh - I don't know if that was because he had a screaming newborn in the house or just because it was just a short phase/learning curve but I know for a fact he doesn't do it now because he spends most of his time now TRYING to make his baby sister cry

xx

Aw bless her! Has she ever hurt another child and got told off for it? Maybe she relates back to that?
Taylas very aware of others and if another child cries she tries to cuddle them and say 'its ok, all better' bless her.

maybe she's not feeling guilty as such more just sympathising with the other's and or maybe she just doesnt like the crying...scares her/makes her feel uncomfortable??its probibly just a phase, obvs she needs to learn if she deliberatley hurts someone then she will be told off but if its accidednt or nothing to do with her then just take her over to the child and make the point that theyre ok, smiling laughing ect?? xx

aww that's really sweet - the only thing i can compare it to is elijah, if he hears *any* child crying he becomes inconsolable (much to arwyn's amusement) and we have yet to find a way round it....i will be watching this post

Awwww bless her little heart I wanna give her a hug now It sounds like Harry was when he first met Matthew (his cousin, he was 10 months when Matthew was born) and whenever he cried Harry came to me and hugged me until Matthew stopped crying. Maybe she is scared of other children being upset/crying?? Not much advice I'm afraid, sorry!! xx

I am glad in a way too that she is showing empathy. My aunty is a dr (and lecturer) in psychology at the university of ulster and recently went to a lecture from some professor who was talking about emotions. Apparently the one personality trait that all serial killers have in common is that they lack basic understanding of empathy/cant relate to how even basic actions affect others. (just because you have this trait doesnt mean you will become a serial killer btw). He said that the one thing ppl should take away from his talk was to install a basic sense of guilt/compassion in children. I know thats an extreme example but it did make me feel a tad better!

Terri my SIL works with under 5's and asked the same thing. I have told her off for hitting in the last few weeks - and she has cried then, but I feel that I have to continue to tell her off for that. She cant learn that tears let her off with things, urgh its so hard to get a balance but.

Anyone else have another way of teaching that hitting is wrong without telling her that she could have hurt someone, giving the other person sympathy etc???

I really hope it is just a stage. Maybe I need to take her to more toddler things so she see's more LO's crying and hopefully realises that she cant possibly be responsible for everyone's misery!

From a very young age I have taught Wil to say 'sorry' when he hurts someone even if it is an accident just as an adult would. He now says it without being prompted a lot of the time. I seems to help with his understanding of when he has hurt someone and how that makes them feel.