Do you think parents can give their children a personality. Sort of a nature vs nurture question to ponder as im bored lol.

Exmaples on here that come to mind (and I hope no one is offended at me talking about them )... Gill andWill. It is obvious that Gill values ability to learn, independance, determination etc, and when she talks about Will these are often the character traits in him that she mentions and is proud of, she encourages this in him. Its hard to say whether its genes or environment as both Wills parents our high achievers so it could be in his genes... but then had Gill not spent anytime encouraging these traits would Will be lazy so to speak and sink into the background relying on his resourceful parents to do it all.

Mario and C also spring to mind. C is a lil stunt baby and this is talked about alot by Mario and by us. However had Mario ignored this behaviour and panicked at every dive C made would C now be a shy, cautious lil chicken. Has Mario encouraged C on some level to be adventurous & spirited or is this C's personality that she was born with and in any environment would have continued.

All very deep for a Wednesday afternoon. I think im missing uni .

Caitlin is very active and has worryingly little sense of danger. Me and Stuart are both lazy, and were so as children (activity wise i mean) so its def not in her genes to be like this. Im quite relaxed when she climbs/falls as I think this is part of her learning that she may fall etc (within reason of course). My mum on the otherhand panicks and I can see why I became cautious and not very active being brought up in that environment, so maybe environment has a lot to play.
In contrast to this her cousin goes to nursery 3 days a week and mixes with other kids all the time, yet is so shy which to me is odd. Both her parents are quite shy though so this could be in her genes....

Whats your LO's personality like and do you think its in their genes or how you have brought them up (intentionally or not) that has made them this way? Do your children have completly different personalitys, do you think you were more relaxed with 2nd child and this is why?

Lilly is a little cow.. just like me haha.

LOL! Ha, but is that because of the way you've brought her up or is it in here genes???? Did you encourage her to be a little moo ?

Probably a bit of both, i don't intentionally make her a brat

I'm not sure at all. My daughter is a very outgoing lassie, she lights up the room she walks into, demands attention and within 5 mins of being there is friends with everyone (I am the opposite) whereas the sperm donor, although shy, does also make friends very easily he is very good at establishing connections with people so I'm guessing that bit of her personality is in her genes as he's not been in her life since she was 3 months old. My husband is painfully shy and he has been in MJ's life since she was 9 months old.

Drew is a stunt baby, he is obsessed with danger he sits in his cot and when he falls forward his hands don't come out to save him he just lets himself faceplant or faceplant onto the cot bars. I'm having to pad the concrete floor in the living room after he got an egg on his head after wondering what might happen if he threw himself forward onto his face

I'm not sure where the stunt baby bit comes from as I'm scared of most things (I did used to enjoy snowboarding which is a bit dangerous) but I'd never go too fast. and hubby is also fearful of most things.

Drew is cheeky (gets that from daddy and does this same cute eyebrow raising thing hubby does) and can be a right stubborn git sometimes (attributes from me I think) as I can be the most stubborn person ever put on this earth.

I think a child's behaviour and personality may come from a mixture of environment and genes. If they are brought up mollycoddled and wrapped in cotton wool then I think they would be a shy and fearful child but if they are allowed to express themselves but have shy parents and grow up shy then that could be genes (I love it when Drew goes shy ) xxxxxxxx

Interesting though hefty debate for a midweek afternoon lol. I think its a mixture of things as i dont think nature OR nurture answers the question adequately alone.

For example to take your analogy re the stunt antics, im not a fusspot and have always given C a bit of rope to explore and in exchange ive not fussed her if she does hit the deck. Now that could translate into the result that shes adventurous and if she does hit the deck she isnt a whiner she just shakes it off and runs around. Yet her dad is way more cautious of his little girl and gets more upset than i do by her antics and is more prone to run to her when she falls over so you could argue that we counterbalance each other and nullify the effects of environment meaning her love of adventure is inherent. Or is it that of the two of us im about more? So many different iterations of the same question.

And another example is Caelyns speech and learning, right from very early on ive had it pointed out to me how forward she is. She spoke her 1st word at 8 months and now speaks in small sentences of 5-7 words, she can count to 13, name shapes, colours and body parts and im always having it mentioned to me by everyone from random strangers to doctors and childminders. I have often wondered how much comes from her genes and how much from me. I was also an early speaker and a relatively academic student who found learning easy and i have a fairly broad vocabulary. Has she adopted this? Her dad isnt academic but is by no means dim either. Or is it what i do with her? I wouldnt have thought its that much different from most parents so is it how she processes it?

I think theres no simple answer to that question its too multi layered. I suspect a mixture of genetics and environment as i never believe the following two phrases
-Its not my fault its the way im made
-Its not my fault its how i was brought up
Both strike me as cop outs which means there is scope in life to improve on both your own inherent tendencies and your own environment

Taylas defo the 'class clown' she does anything to make us laugh!
Shes very soft natured and is one of those children who would go up to another child whos crying and give them a toy and say ok, instead of the kids who dont like to share shes very happy sharing.
I think and others have said shes quite forward her talking its brilliant.
Im currently dying of flu so cant type much, but this is a nice post to read

Well Ryan is shy, as a toddler would quite happily play alone. (Not that we just left him to play!) Now hes 9 and will sit and draw, lego, make things etc. When out he would be constantly by our sides.

Jack is very out going, they are the total opposite! He spends most of the day kicking a football and always needs to have someone to play with. He has no fear and runs off if we are out. (something im trying to control!!)

Im shy and my oh is very out going.

But, with Ryan i was very causious about him falling over. Would make a fuss of him if he got hurt. Whereas with Jack, i've learnt that they dont break easily and if he falls i just say 'up you get!' (within reason)

So id say its both.

I am fascinated by this subject because I have a deep seated belief that our environment plays a massive part in making us who we are. I also believe that if a behaviour is encouraged it will grow and if it is ignored it will diminish.

I love the fact that you use Wil and Caelyn as examples because Annalisa and I are very similar in so many ways. I am also flattered that you singled me out. (BTW you can't offend me I choose not to be offended

Wil is not being brought up in a conventional way. He is a 'coached child' which means he is being taught through questions and finding out everything for himself with guidance. Wil has never been babied in any way and I speak to him as if I am talking to another adult (which I know Annalisa does with Caelyn too) and I think this is reflected in their speech.

On the reverse side nature has got a part to play. Wil and Caelyn are both very clever and at least some of this has to have come from their parents (we all know Rot is a brainbox ). However, a clever child whose parents don't encourage or support their offspring's desire to better themselves will more than likely limit that child's potential by damaging their self esteem.

I could write a book on this subject but I will stop for now and just say we should have this conversation in 10 and 20 years to see where all our LOs have ended up.

Im inclined to believe in the concept of free will too. For example my parents have a strong work ethic and a drive to better themselves. My younger sister and I are both very much of a muchness, we rarely take sick days unless we have to (this pregnancy has been a total pain in the ass to me) and value the things we gain through earning them. My middle sister on the other hand is on disability allowance because she is putting off having a hip operation that would allow her to get back to work and expects thre world to come to her and freely admits she would rather be a bum than work. Now we have all had same upbringing. Is my sister inherently a bum? She was however assaulted during her teens and is obviously still struggling with some demons but refuses to seek help to address them despite familial efforts to assist her. Is environment a factor? I honestly do not think there is a cut and dried answer to this.

I think you take what you are bornn with, you take what you gain from your environment then take your own choice on what it makes you. Im a child of divorced parents, it would be easy to blame my parents for all my foibles but at the end of the day im me, my screw ups are my own and i choose to make or unmake them. That actually makes the question regarding my sisters the more interesting as my sisters are my half sisters so surely the similarities should be in those3 two who are fully related by blood than in me and my youngest sister who is my half sister.

I do find Gills points interesting too as we have often discussed this between ourselves. As she says we raise children similarly. C is spoken to in an adult manner despite the odd pet words and i never ignore a question she asks of me, even at her age now it is answered an explored and often expanded upon. I may adapt my answer to her understanding but i answer it. Hence why at 21 months she understands big girls have hair on their lady bits but little girls dont-she asked about my pubic hair, i answered. It was also how i was brought up though as i got older if i asked a question i was often sent away to discoverthe answer then discuss it with my parents as well as my view on it. Used to drive me nuts at the time but now im grateful of it. But as she gets older her free will will kick in more so than it does now even and where she chooses to go with that is a source of fascination to me. How much like me will she become or how different and why? How will she use what she was born with and what i have equiped her with? As gill says i think revisitig this in 10 or 20 years time would be the most telling answer (and im fairly sure ill still be trolling banda bythen with no babies but just unable to stop chuntering away)

Cheers for the topic snoops nice to stretch my thought processes a bit

hmmm it is a hard one, nurture or nature!!!

well both my kids are totally different so i do think a lot of it is to do with their own personallity and nature, but how we parent them helps to mould them a little more into who they are. some things cant be taught, but things like manners i think is down to the parents to teach them!!

leo was good as gold as a baby/toddler, never got the terrible two's, never threw a tantrum, but was a little bugger at sleeping, just like i was as a baby he never slept through till he was 18months, so he could have taken after me for that, or it could simply be i made a rod for my own back by bringing him into my bed???i dont really have any behaviour problems with him, ocasional attitude at times, so is like me as a child, but that could be that i parent him similar to my parents??

oliver is one extreme to the other. he can be such a little stress head, i dont give into his tantrums but he definatley knows how to let you know when he want something lol!!but then the other oliver is so funny and makes me laugh so much. like today, i turned around, he flutterd his eye lashes at me then screwed up his face and breathed through his nose really loud(if you get me) cos it made me laugh he has been doing it all day, he is so funny and has always had his funny little faces he pulls to make me laugh...if i didnt pay attention though he probibly wouldnt do this, so i wouldnt see his funny little personality shine through.
oliver is also a really good sleeper compared to what leo was, he goes to bed no problems and sleeps through no problems, its hard to tell because iv never really had to do cc or anything, maybe its just cos i didnt let him co-sleep with me as a baby, or maybe its just his nature???

all i know is i have brought my kids up the same, the second time i was more laid back with things, and also some things you change as it didnt quite work well the first time(ie the co sleeping lol) but in general i still parent the same and in most ways i parent a lot like my mum, because i always thought she was brilliant, but my 2's personalitys are totally different...maybe its just due to the fact leo was an only child, and oliver having an older brother has impact on his persoanality??

ohhhhh snoopy, brain ache i really shouldnt have started reading this at this time of night cos i could go on for hours...but i wont

so basically i think its a mix of both, something's will be passed down in the genes, other things will be taught and encouraged by you...but what i think is important is to encourage them to be themselves and let there personalitys shine through...encourage them and praise them for things they are good at and help them to do their best at things they are not so good at. i love both my boys totally unique personalitys and wouldnt change a thing about them, my input to them will be to make sure they have good manners and respect for other people, as well as making sure i praise them and respect them so they have high self esteem and believe in themself

ok im gonna stop writing now, im babbling on x

Such an interesting topic!

Quote :

Wil is not being brought up in a conventional way. He is a 'coached
child' which means he is being taught through questions and finding out
everything for himself with guidance. Wil has never been babied in any
way and I speak to him as if I am talking to another adult (which I know
Annalisa does with Caelyn too) and I think this is reflected in their
speech.

This is my approach with Amelia too. I allow her to find her own solutions via questionning and helping her to identify her own options. I also try to encourage her to reason and be creative. She has always had free access to art supplies and I have never once told her not to do something one way or demonstrated how to use something. She uses all of her art stuff her own way.

I think her "creativity" could be nature and nurture. I'm creative and so is her Dad and my Mum, all in different ways. However as I've mentioned I make a consious effort to encourage this and foster an environment in which she can be so.

Even though Amelia is "coached" rather than "taught" her verbal skills aren't advanced. I talk to her as an adult and she has a huge vocabulary but doesn't speak in sentences of more than 2 words yet. As a child I was a complete chatterbox and drove my parents round the bend, apparently it was mental torture PMSL! Dave on the otherhand is releatively shy and not a big talker. I think at the moment Amelia mirrors him more accurately.

Both Dave and I can be shy and Amelia is also, even though we have always made a conscious effort not to demonstrate this to her.

There have been so many studies into Nature versus Nurture so here's a little overview and a bit of an interesting read;
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nature_versus_nurture

Maky is just weird! Nothing like any of us..she is defo her own little free spirit. The other two are more alike than they'd care to admit even with the huge age gap. They both have the same sense of humor..similar interests and somewhat mild mannered tempers..even tho Maddy is more energetic..but I think that has to do with the age. Makynlee is like a torpedo..once launched it follows you with it's built in homing device to explode upon impact.

I believe it's a bit both.

I've got 3 children the eldest (Charlotte) is very different from paul and ellie even though they've all been brought up the same.

Unfortunatly, unlike gill and mario I'm not the brains of Britain. But due to my upbringing by hard working parents and their drive to better themselves and with their constant guidance, I've done very well in life (as in nice houses, good cars, place abroad, and a good lifestyle).

My husband is the brains of Britain. We do joke that if ellie has his brains and my drive she'll do very well in life. We also that she has my brains and his drive then there isn't much down for her lol.

PMSL @ Brain of britain, clearly you have never heard me discussing poo in chat on a week night. Not hardly

Hehe mario, I know you always win daily trivia!

You never see my name up there because it never makes the top 5! As my dear husband says I'm as thick as pig shit! But hey I'm happy xx

oh and as for the chat room I can't even figure out how to bloody sign in!

x

he he, im thick as pig shit too lmao

i dont know where leo gets it from tbh, his dad isnt brains of britian either but leo is a real little brain box, he was very slow at getting colours, but he is colour blind so understandable...but he is now on yr 3 reading books, he only yr1 i was beaming with pride when his teacher told me x