Do you know any good jokes??? Share them here for everyone

This is the only joke i know


Baby Camel: Dad, why have i got such long eyelashes?
Daddy Camel: Well son, in the desert, the sun is sooooo bright that our eyelashes protect our eyes from the sun's rays
B C : Oh i see thats good. Dad, why have i got big hooves???
D C: Well son, in the desert, the sand is sooooo hot that our hooves protect our feet from burning.
B C: Wow thats amazing. Dad, why have i got a big hump on my back???
D C: Well son, in the desert, there is hardly any water so we carry ours with us.
B C: Thats amazing . . . .. . . . . . . . . ... . . . . . . .*baby camel ponders for a bit* . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .Dad . . . . . . .
D C: Yes son??
B C: What the feck are we doing in Bristol Zoo then?????!!!!!

he he he he!!

What do you call a fly with no wings??? A walk!!! PMSL!!

Sorry I have had 2 glasses of wine and feel very tipsey and everything is funny!!!!!

xx

thats quite funny actually (shows our stupid sense of humour pmsl) x

We're blonde , we're blonde, we're B...L.....O.... errrr we're blonde,we're blonde

Sorry no offence meant!!
xx

there is nothing better than a stupid sense of humour x

xx

I will put some rude ones up when I get a chance to pinch OH's phone. His friend sends him loads every week.

well i was wondering who would be the first one to write filth CANT WAIT !!! x

LOL.

I've always like theses:

Went to the paper shop - it had blown away.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

Last night I dreamed I ate a ten-pound marshmallow, and when I woke up the pillow was gone.

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

A woman told her doctor, 'I've got a bad back. 'The doctor said, 'It's old age.' The woman said, 'I want a second opinion. 'The doctor says, 'OK. you're ugly as well.'

A man walked into the doctor's, The doctor said 'I haven't seen you in a long time'
The man replied, 'I know I've been ill'.

A man walked into the doctor's, he said 'I've hurt my arm in several places'.
The doctor said 'well don't go there any more'.

I'm on a whiskey diet. I've lost three days already.

Slept like a log last night ........ woke up in the fireplace.

Went to the corner shop - bought 4 corners.

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?'
So he gave me a kite.

I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu.
So I went, and I got it.'

I cleaned the attic with the wife the other day. Now I can't get the cobwebs out of her hair.

LOL Kelly they are good, l like the paper shop one *snigger snigger* x

I love the doctor one i've been ill just brilliant

I went to the Doctors the other day, and he said, 'Go to Bournemouth, it's great for 'flu.
So I went, and I got it.' I don't get it...

Horse walks into a bar, barman says "Why the long face?"

A bag of peanuts walks into a bar, barman say "sorry we don't serve food"

A young fellow ran into an old man who was carring a bag.

"What's in the bag?" the youngster asked.

"magic apples", the old man replied.

"Prove it", said the young man.

"Well, besides apples, what is your favorite two fruits?" asked the old man.

"Watermelon and peaches", he answered.

The man handed him an apple and told him to try it out. The boy took a bite and said that it tasted like a watermelon. "Ok, turn it over", he said.

The boy did and took another bite and said that it tasted like a peach.

The youngster still wasn't convinced that they were magic.

The old fellow told him to name something else that he liked to eat.

"I like to eat pussy." he snapped.

The man handed him another apple and told him to try it.

He took a big bite, spit it out, wipped his mouth and esclaimed, "That tasted like shit".

The old man looked at him, smiled and said, "Turn it over."

The town fathers were looking for a way to increase attendance and participation at their regular meetings. One member suggested bringing in a hypnotist. The officials agreed, a famous hypnotist was hired, publicity distributed, and everyone was pleased.

A few weeks later the meeting hall was packed, and the town's people sat fascinated as the hypnotist withdrew a pocket watch. The hypnotist began chanting... "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until suddenly the hypnotist's fingers slipped and the watch fell to the floor...

"Shit" said the hypnotist.

It took three weeks to clean up the town hall.

PMSL Mummy

lol

PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."


I found this lol

A woman was shaking out a rug on the balcony of her 17th floor condominium when a sudden gust of wind blew her over the railing. "Damn, that was stupid," she thought as she fell. "What a way to die."
As she passed the 14th floor, a man standing at his railing caught her in his arms.
While she looked at him in disbelieving gratitude, he asked, "Do you suck?"
"No!" she shrieked, aghast.
So, he dropped her.
As she passed the 12th floor, another man reached out and caught her. "Do you screw?" he asked.
"Of course not!" she exclaimed before she could stop herself.
He dropped her, too.
The poor woman prayed to God for one more chance. As luck would have it, she was caught a third time, by a man on the eighth floor. "I suck! I screw!" she screamed in panic.
@&£%!" he said, and dropped her.

CarlaAndCallum wrote:

PATIENT: "Doctor, I've got a strawberry stuck up my bum."
DOCTOR: "I've got some cream for that."


I.

i laughed out so loud when i read that

What the difference bewtween a woman and a walrus???

One has whiskers and fishy flaps
The other one is a walrus!

pmsl girlies

my all time fave joke

2 sausages in a frying pan, one says 'oh its hot in here' the other screams' a talking sasuage'!!!

Dopey, and his 6 other dwarf friends, had embarked on a religious journey looking for an answer to his latest dilemma...finding out if there was indeed a midget Nun. After several audiences with various catholic priests with no definitive to his question, he was finally granted an appointment with the Pope himself...surely his Holiness would hold know. The dwarf's entered the Holy Papal chamber following Dopey, all of them giggling and snickering behind him.

Dopey approached the Pope and bent down on one knee and asked - Your Holiness, I have searched the world over, asking every religious order known to man, and have come up empty, I need to know this - "Are there any midget Nuns?" Again the 6 other dwarf's could barely contain their laughter..giggling and holding their sides. The pope looked puzzled and asked - "Why are you so concerned my son?" Dopey replied "I cannot rest till I find the answer, please please tell me, I am desperate!"

The Pope sighed and said - "My son, I have heard of your quest and investigated this for you..and have found that there is NO such thing as a Midget Nun in our order..I hope this concludes your quest."

Dopey fell forward in shock and began to cry as his 6 dwarf companions burst out into hysterical laughter...shouting "Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"

LOL Jen took me a while to get that xx

Tarquin my racing snail wasnt winning races anymore so i decided to take his shell off to make him more aerodynamic.
it hasnt worked, if anything it has made him more sluggish!

A man has been caught masturbating in a newsagents, apparently its all over the papers

What do you get if you cross a bulldog and a shitzuh (sp).......a bullshit!!!