my oh has a son to his ex who is about to be 13! since i met my oh nearly 7 yrs ago his ex has always been a selfish cow who is more interested in partying and guys than her son! when i first met my oh she wud dump the son here there and everywhere so she cud go out!
since ive known her she has been on several holidays, wkends away each year and only twice has she took him with her once cos her whole family was goin away for a week (so her mum looked after him on hol) and the second time was this summer to turkey for 7 days which her ex booked and so after they split she had no option but to take him and his friend and from what ive heard from him they did there own thing in hotel whilst her and her friend drank in the bar!!
we r meant to have him 3 nights her 4nights! over the 6 weeks summer holidays she had him 11nights (7 of which were on hol in turkey) we had him the rest!! we took him with us to bulgaria for 2 wks wen we got back she asked if we were droppin him off (she never drops him off or picks him up has to be us) we said no as we had travelled all day and it was now 8pm either she cud pick hiim up or he cud go home nxt day and she said nxt day is fine but i get home from work at 5.30 then have running club 6-8 and i am not missing that so wen u gonna drop him off (lol cudnt even miss an exercise class to see the son she hadnt seen in 3wks)
well last 3 wks cos she has been away partying at wkends we have had him 4 nights first week 5 nights nxt wk then week after my oh was goin to ireland so wud work out he was away the days we have there son and she wasnt happy cos it wud work out we wud only have hiim one day that week so we ended up changing days so we still took him our 3 nights (she had bloody cheek considering how little she has him) then she phones and says can you keep him whole first week of oct hols ~(which r now) cos im gettin a new bathroom fitted and we have to move out (this is shit a bathroom does not take a week to fit and its an inconvenience but u dont have to move out) so we have had him whole week she has never contacted not once mentioned when she is goin back to her house (if she has even left it) and today at 10.30 she txts sayin there son has dentist at 2 can oh take him, she hasknew bout this appt for 6 weeks and not once said its the same with every single appointment she books them for when we have him but then tells us either late the night before or that morning oh wasnt happy so i said well tell her u cant take hiim and she will need to cancel it but no once again he says guess ill have to take him so its no wonder she does it if he dont stand up to her
so i jst told him its bout time he stood up to her she clearly jst wants rid of him but has herself admitted she wont give us full custody cos she will lose out on family benefit and child tax - this woman is a social worker btw!! and all he says to me is thats my son keep ur opinions to urself!! and i said i wudnt go a wkend without seeing evan let alone how long she goes without seeing there son and he says so what she isnt u and i said no im a mum she is someone who gave birth
and he has now fell out with me, we r already on rocks and meant to be goin out tonight for meal on our own and now i jst cant be arsed
im fed up it being her way or no way

no need to reply jst needed to vent my novel lol

She sounds liek such a vile woman! The difficult part is theres nothing you can do if your oh wont stand up to her, shes going to continue taking the piss! If you have a word with him to tell him how your feeling when hes calm do you think he'll listen?

Your basically bringing him up though so I don't think the 'he's my son' is fair at all!

Grr its but be so hard to be in your situation. I think ur oh needs to wake up and realise whats going on! The poor boy is all i can say
His mum sound like she doesnt want him there, but like u said wants to money!
Not much advise really but is there anyone else, a mutual friend or ohs mum that can talk to him?

He won't listen we have been havin same argument forever infant it's only thing we really fight over!! I kinda thought wen I had Evan it wud click that he had to do sumit but mope hd jst sees it as he is doom it for his son the amount of times Ive said fight for full custody then but no hecwont do that either
His whole family feel same as I do nut he don't listen to any of them

Aww Michelle..the only thing I can suggest is keeping a journal of the all the dates you have him. Jot down conversations..everything you and your OH chat about with the ex. After a couple months of this..reevaluate how often you guys do have him and what his Bio-mom has been doing etc. If you find you guys do have him more than she does..I would take my findings to family court to apply for full custody..get her kicked off the benefits and raise that boy in a stable and loving environment that he seems to be getting at your place. Now that he is 13..he is fully aware of what his mom is doing..and she will pay for it in the long run. xxx

Some people just don't deserve to have children, or the love of a child.

He is at an age where he will be aware of what she is like and before long will want to be at yours full time. Poor kid x

he could claim for the benefits as the son is living at yours the majority of the time so it helps out, the money is for the child.

is she a child social worker, he might be worried they will side with her because of her job, or she should know the law better.
how about asking the kid what he wants, infact why dont you say we have the kid more and she sees him less, dont bring the law into it. see how this goes then try the subject of custody or residence order.

either way she sounds delightful.. not

I agree with Jen, keep a record and see if at the last your OH can get the benefits he is entitled to for caring for his son so he can treat him to clothes etc. Its not her money its his sons. Im not sure why he is being so silly about it though, if it was me and i could see i had a good shot at full custody through the neglect of another parent id jump at the shot

when asked if he wants to go back to his mums or stay here he wud say stay here but if asked do u want to live her pernament he wud say dont know! cos he dont want to upset his mum which is fair enough really
my oh wont take things to court cos he thinks it will upset his son and he dont want all the hassle to be honest i think he is convinced he wudnt get him even tho there is no chance of that and she wud make things difficult afterwards