well if you ladies havent seen already on fb me and the bf have split up...if you dont like disgusting things i woulnt read any furthur. please be honest wth me.
basically this morning, i was changin benjy in his nursery (bathroom is directally opposite) and OH was in bath.
i went in to ask him something (not that i can remember what now)
walked in and he was butt naked at the sink, with a stiffy!!
he quickly grabbed the tub we use to wash hair and swilled the sink...i aked him what he was doing, and he said "just swillin the hairs down the sink!" i knew fine wel he'd been jacking off!!! right opposite the room me and his son where in!! i know men be men, but howay theresa time and place ffs!!
anyways i asked him and he blatantly denied it even tho there was (TMI...so sorry!!) jizz in the sink!!! eurgh!!!!
i then asked him why he was all flushed and he said he always gets a nob on when hes had a bath and always get ht n flustered when too...
so anyway i kept bothering him, he told me i was craaazy and that i was seeing 2+2=5 blah blah blah, and he tried to blame it on my PND!!!
then i gave him an ultimatum!!! "lie and he leaves....(as i KNEW he'd done the deed---which i find fowl anyway, nevermind when me and his son were in the room opposite!!)
"or tell me the truth and we'll work through things!" so he EVENTUALLY after a full hour of arguing admitted to jacking off in the snk
bleurrrrrgh!!! i was nearly sick!!!
maybe some women fnd this ok, but my OH hs always sed hes not bothered about that kinda thing, "why would he when he has me" etc etc
so anyway i split up with him and left him to stew whilst i went down to my mums...still there now. but truly stumped on what to do...as deep down obviously i still love him and want to be with him, and as a family... BUT its the lies...he cant be trusted with his son, as he sometimes loses his rag and swears at him, and he is very heavy handed with him.
please can someone give me some advice, and clear my mind of feelin like this is all my fault...
ps i punched him 3 times in the stomach and slapped him once...i lost my rag when he'd told me i was crazy, nd he made me re-think what i'd seen, then he admitted it! GRRRR
so angry!!!!
oh, also i txt him asking him why he cudnt wait for sex (i have a bad infection and v sore, cut and bleeding down below!) and he said back "cos i'm ony human!!"
WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
seriously, my heart says go back with him, but my head says noooo stay the fcuk away!!
help please
i feel broken.

Lou, i think its only natural tbh, my oH used to say the same that he wasn't bothered about that 'kinda thing' but in reality all men are. the first time i found him looking at porn i was gutted because i thought i wasnt good enough, its not about that at all, men just think about sex a lot. He probably trid to cover it up because he felt embarassed.

i think youre really stressed out atm with benjy and the PND and maybe thats why things seem worse than what they are. big hugs, here for you xx

pinky, he always says he "never looks at porn etc" but i know he does. i just find it fowl lol
i dont feel good enough as it is.
all i want rght now is a hug, from him. but he came down earlier, and i wanted to kill him.
my pnd is a major factor, its not the jacking off that hurts the most, i know guys do that (but in the room opposite...REALLY????) :/
its lieing to me...im a v insecure person as it is, without this.
he knows that.
he has apologised, but i just want to punch him when hes near me, but then miss him when im away from him.
i know im a complete radge at the moment and lose my marbles, but i'd just like someone else t say "dont worry, you're not bein irrational" but obviously, i have been.
god, i am useless.
someone shoot me now.

Hun I agree with Pinky. It all seems worse because you are under a lot of stress at the moment. But if you break it all down you have basically broken up with your baby's dad because he had a wank . He probably lied as he knows how you feel about it but without wanting to stick up for him - he is a man and they think with their knobs. Check out some of the posts in private lounge to see just how many of us get annoyed at our OHs attitude to sex. It doesn't make it right but it is normal. In fact I bet a few of us would rather our OH had a wank sometimes that pestering us. I actively encourage my OH if it means he leaves me alone after a long hard day with the kids.

Seriously though, have a nice relaxing night at your mums and then go see him tomorrow and have a talk. It's not as bad as it seems at the moment. You will probably feel a lot better about it in the morning after a decent nights sleep. You are not useless hun - stop being so hard on yourself.

xx

Hun, I'd go back to him right away. I honestly believe they all do it, I don't even think they see as sex it's more comparable to picking nose or scratching his arse/balls.

I know he's lied to you but that's only so you wouldn't be upset. Seems a bit silly to do it with the door open and with you upstairs?!?!

Hope you sort it out and that he makes it up to you.
xxx

of course you're not useless, we're all irrational in the spur of the moment. If i was you I would at the very least phone him for a chat instead of getting yourself all worked up all night.

He lied because he was embarassed. Men having a wank is 100% normal and part of life. Yes perhaps he should have had more respect to lock the door/wait until you were out etc but I dont think its reason to split up with him.

Where he did feck up was making you question your sanity/what you saw and blame in on pnd, that was low of him but again I think it was embarassment & trying to dig his way out of a hole and not to intentionally hurt you or make you feel 'crazy'.

Its not irrational to want your partner to tell the truth, but perhaps you did over react slightly to the event that casused it (wank).

Id ring him and tell him that you dont like feeling like you're imagining things, that you are tired and stressed and going to chill at your mums tonight and then go back home tomorrow and get a hug. x

i agree with the others hun, i think most men probibly do it, maybe he felt embarrased so didnt admit it?? yeah theres a time and a place, id be very uncomfy with the fact he did it with your lo in the next room, but he's a man and sometimes they dont think

what i dont like the sound of is him swearing at your lo and getting heavy handed that is something i would never stand for, id have serious words about that, personally if i ever found my kids dad getting heavy handed with my two he wouldnt know what hit him and he certainly would never be left alone with them again xx

I think he was a bit of an idiot for lying, but he probably panicked and didnt know what to say, as he probably knew it would cause an arguement.

Personally, I would sit him down and tell him that if he has to wank, then fine, but DONT DO IT IN THE BLOODY SINK!

In the cold light of day, he was having a bit of a release, and I would (and I am sure you would too) rather my OH did that than went out and found somebody else.

xx

lou i know exactly where ure coming from. once i went to night college and came in and gav was sitting there watching porn with his trousers down his ankles! i was mortified crying my eyes out and he was so embarrased he left and didnt come back till the next day. it was never really discussed cos i told him that i was disguisted in it but i said i dont mind if he does it (i do really) as long as i dont know about it.

i think itll all seem clearer in the morning . big hugz x x x

i feel as if hes cheated on me because ive never known him to do this before...
i bet you all think im a crazy biatch now.
this is just the pinacle.
the tip of the iceberg...
i am so insecure and self conscious it is unbelieveable.
crying now, in floodsof tears actually.
i feel like an absolute $%&^*(& idiot.

lou dont say that ure certainly now crazy! it s a complete shock and tbh i wud have been the same way if it was now (this was before id had alfie or we were married) hug z

Debs wrote:

I actively encourage my OH if it means he leaves me alone after a long hard day with the kids.

There are a lot worse things he could be doing than having a wank in the sink hun. Just look at some of the posts on here over the last few weeks. At least if he and the sink are getting it on its not another woman he is sticking it in.

I think a nice pleasant apology for and then sit down and come to some agreement with him about when and where it is acceptable.

PND and the joys of motherhood have a lot to answer for in making you feel crappy and inadequate when you are doing a fab job. We all feck up sometimes and being a hormonal woman means when we do we do it spectacularly.

I think we would all do well to accept that all men think with their dicks and the need to play with it starts when they are still in nappies and never goes away. Porn for men is like chocolate for women, most crave it at some point and some more than others.

Relax at your mum's this evening and then go back to you much loved bf and put things right hun.

You're certainly not a crazy biatch. You have every right to be pissed of with, firstly for lying and secondly for waking with door open whilst you and benjy were there.
The wanking is just part of a mans life but there's no excuse for the rest of his stupid behavior.
xxx

Hey, I just mentioned this my hubby! He said it's wrong and wierd! Dickhead thought it was the kitchen sink!! x

Ahh hun! I completely agree with what everyone else has said about every man does it although they all dont like to admit it, but at the same time I can see why your so upset/annoyed.

At New Year me and Matt went away to my Dads and when I asked to use his iPhone to go on the net he told me that if I found anything dirty on it then the lads at work had been messing with his phone.

When I finally got it out of him, it was him that had been looking at the porn, which by all means I dont mind, it was just the fact that he had lied to me about it.

I was really upset, especially as we had an agreement that there would be no sex whilst im pregnant, but I dont mind doing other things etc.

Looking back now, I realise how much of a silly thing it is, but at the same time surely there are better places for your OH to jack off rather than the sink FFS.

Hope you manage to get something sorted soon and sending you big hugs xx

Love how men have a moral order when it comes to wanking in different sinks lol!

Sorry just wanted to bick up on something gemz mentioned - What did you mean about him being agrressive/heavy handed with benjy? I def think thats more of a worry xxx

I remember a few years ago when i went to visit my sister down south for a few days. A few months later the phone bill came and my oh had spent £35 calling porn channels on the tv. I felt disgusted in him. But men always think about sex. He didn't give me the money for the phone bill either!!!!

ok maybe the sink was NOT the best place to do it but men are men ,,,,since they were babies they have always had to play with their soldiers lol !

i certainly would not call you crazy hun ,,,,, and fair play the bathroom was opposite you and your son but tbh its meant to be the most private room in house ??? ,,,, where else was he going to go ? the kitchen ?

i hope your relation ship does not end over that because that i would believe to be an overreaction hun
however,,, heavy handed with your son ? that worries me x x

ah hun, your not useless or anything close to it and as mad and upset you are it is a nuatural bloke thing despite close quaters of you, lo or anyone else for that matter. emotions are riding high and things seem massivebut give yourself some time to cool off then asses how you feel. me and oh have been swinging between on/off since lo been born mainly down to my mood swings but he is not innocent in all of it. you just gotta look at working thru your problems and how you feel about ahem a 'time and place for everything'xxx

he could last have waited till a better time when u coulda "helped" a little bit of day time foreplay is fun and its okay. it dont have to end up in full on sex either. i konw ferg does it in the shower in the morning, i just turn a blind eye to it, if it leaves me to sleep for 10 more mins im happy with that lol!! the way i think of it is, he is doing it him self, he love me and isnt out chasing skirt

everything always feels worse after a huge argument, u should work at it. mibi tell him how it upsets u his being so heavy handed with baby b and his attitude towards him. work things thru. and tell him to wank on his own bloody time or u will chop it off!

Have to agree with everyone else but i understand how it makes u feel i felt the same but like others have said its just a wank most men if not all do it x
But i can understand you being peed off with him doing it in the next room to you there is a time and place for it xx

You were both acting like typicals of your genders!

He wanked and lied about it - typical male. & you over reacted because of hormones - typical woman lol!

Tbh hun i think you need to accept the fact he's gonna wank, he's a bloke & can't really help it, especially with your infection so he can't do it with you.
Although he also needs to accept that it's not acceptable to do it in the sink.

I love the fact my OH plays with himself! If he didn't, he'd be the moodiest guy in the world as i really can't be bothered to have sex alot of the time now!

To try and cover your points 1 by 1. Ok 1st of all its upset you him cranking one out across the hall from you and benjy and yes he probably shouldnt have shut the door but like others have said theres not really anywhere else he could have gone is there. His dad having a sly one right across the hall wont harm benjy, lets face it, its not that different from him being in his cot settling for a nap and you two in your room havingsome 'you time', he should have shut the door yes but he was keeping it out the way. As for the sink im also kind of of the opionion he was trying to keep things tidy. Lets face it, its way easier to swill the sink out than faff about with loo roll tidy up.

2nd he lied to you. Again this wasnt right but id be charitable and put it down to embarrassment he had been caught doing what he was doing rather than any real kind of statement on the state of your relationship. No he shouldnt have tried to blame your PND that was very hurtful of him but im guessing he knew you would be mad as hell and was trying to wriggle out of it. Plus to be fair you told him lie and i leave or tell the truth and i stay and when he finally told the truth you left anyway so he was probably trying to avoid that scenario and in doing so inadvertantly made you feel worse. He def shouldnt have lied but then maybe you shouldnt have hit him either.

3rd your text re waiting for sex and his answer upset you but if you have an infection hes not hassling you for sex while you heal if hes having a wank is he. And i do agree with a lot of the other girls that to men wanking and sex are not really related. Its just stress and tension relief for them. Maybe im only human wasnt the most considerate response but it was honest of him to admit he was tiding himself over til you were better.

4th your point about him being mouthy and heavy handed. I think that would be the thing to consider here. How do youmean he swears at him? In the sense of frustration where we have many of us been in a situation where you reach the point of groaning 'gah what the f*ck is wrong' when you cant stop the crying which to be honest is more frustration at yourself or out and out shouting and talking badly to him? And heavy handed how? I think this would be the point of your post that concerned me the most not the wanking.

Im hoping maybe you feel calmer today and realise that at the end of the day living apart as a family purely cos he had a crafty wank is so not worth it. Thre are a lot of families out there who HAVE to be apart for one reason or another but unless you have more reasons than last nights blow up i wouldnt have thought you should be one of them. And in 12 years time your OHs wanking is gonna probably e the least of your problems when you have a teen boy in the house tbh. I do hope though that you are in a better head space today and you and he can work it through together xxx

I think maybe you are probably a little embarrassed too as he will be. I know I would be even though I would have no issue at all with it I just dont really want to witness it.

I agree though the issue is him getting heavy handed with your lo. this is something you need to focus on first.

xx