Hi all,

Sorry if this turns into a long post.

Other half and me have two kids who are 13.5 months apart. For the last few years along with working he's been studying. He's been on courses most weekends and evening and weekends have been taken up by study but thankfully he's finished now. Anyway that left me with 24/7 childcare and doing all the stuff in the house.

Now he's done I've joined a gym and use it a few evenings a week after we've put the kids to bed. He has one at work so uses it during the day. Last night he said he was thinking of taking up cricket again. And to be honest I'm hacked off. He said he was thinking of joining his old team 40 mins away or his work team leaving me to bed the kids on my own which having done it a few times is hard work. He only works on the other side of the city so he can be home. He's never offered to put the kids to bed by himself so I can go to the gym early. I always stay to put them to bed.

Cricket would also take up most of our saturdays and being as we've barely had time as a family I'm annoyed. Even when he's about of a weekend I cook for the kids and I still do all the house stuff. So I'm feeling put upon. Topped with the fact he has knee problems on both his knees and injured it recently while bowling.

Maybe I'm being unfair and as usual feeling like a selfish cow. In dec I was so stressed I came out in burning eczema all over my hands, neck and face which the doctor was baffled by. I just feel I need a bit of support. I don't have tons of friends. And think although he should do things for him it would be nice for him to spend time with the girls. :-(

Catherine

I don't think you are being selfish at all, we all need some me time and as a SAHM me time is a precious commodity.

Have you explicitly asked your OH to put the kids to bed himself or to do anything else to help you? He is male and my experience is they need things explicitly asking because they don't do hints or iniative as a rule.

I also don't think a lot of OHs realise how much you do as a stay at home mum and how tiring it actually is (I am not one and believe me work is 10 times easier even on a tough day).

As for the cricket it does seem unfair that it will take up most of your Saturdays. I would talk to him and perhaps get him to agree to a limit on it (e.g. only so many hours)or give something to compensate, e.g. you always do something as a family on Sunday and/ or he does things round the house so you can have a break. I wouldn't suggest you tell him not to do it because he will just be resentful and that will put even more strain on you and your relationship.

Hi Gil,

Thanks for the reply. I think with cricket it's quite a commitment and you'd end up doing a full weekend day. I did suggest maybe taking up snooker again as the sport worries me because of his knees. The last very bad injury was just training and he twisted wrongly. He was out for months and with a young baby he couldn't bend down, carry her, walk up stairs. He's played a lot of sport his whole life and I hate the thought of forcing him to give it up but one the one hand I think he should be aware if he's injured again it could affect things with the kids later. As it is he still limps a little now. I have suggested Saturday dads clubs if he wanted to be more social and snooker so he doesn't end up with nothing. As it is he's reluctant to deal with the two on his own. Oh well we will see but thanks for answering xx

toatly sympathise with you on cricket!! I have football in winter then cricket and Im sure cricket is worse!! Like you say it can last a few hours... or all day an dnight! cant plan anything grrr

Every year we have this conversation before season starts and he promises me he will only play everyother match... but never happens dont know if he would agree to this so your not asking him to give up but still getting the odd weekend together? plus could help his recover and rest his injuries??

xx

I agree with ladies cant he do it every other week, Or if its a nice day cant u go and watch him with the girls especially if its lovely day.

Char

aww hun

i agree with what the other have said. i think you need to sit down and have a cha with him on hw you feel, tell he that your not saying he cant do this that n thst n the other, just say maybe time to time. explain to him that its hard work for you and you dont get a break from being mummy. maybe hint that you would like to go out with some mates while he looks aftet the kids/.##hope every thing is okay x

see rob says that to me, cant you come and watch. loads of ladies here take their picnics down and spend all day which is a lovely idea..... but with 2kids?!?! lol lillie will be wanting to run on the pitch plus I worry about them gettin hit by the ball, that ball aint soft lol

mind a few other girls OHs play have now recently had babies so guess would be nice this year or next. but still I cant stand cricket!! rather watch paint dry lol xx

I think we can all feel your pain here hun.

Im a football widow, and until Lily was born, my OH was playing football BOTH weekend days and he was working all week and also going to the pub/playing football after work.

It drove me fricken' mad!

It has all calmed down a bit now and he only plays once a week, so its much better.

Ask him to think about when he expects to fit you guys in as a family and wait for his answer. Letting them realise that its unreasonable is better than yelling at them - they just dont listen if you take that approach.

x