As some of you may have seen on my FB Oliver had his 1st day at preschool today and all went well
We stayed for the whole 2.5hr session today as a settling in session. After a few mins of shyness when we 1st went in he was fine, off playing etc and interacting well with the other LO's and staff. Every so oftern he would come up to us to show us a toy etc then off to play again. We stayed at the back of the class most of the time and just watched from a distance as he was doing so well.

Anyhoo, Wednesday will be our next session. I was thinking of staying for 30mins at the back of the class then leaving him for a bit and coming back about 30mins before the end of the session.
I'm going to find it so hard
So would you tell him that;
'mummy's just popping out for a bit and I will come back for you' (He will most likely want to come with me and try getting his coat etc, maybe leading him to get upset)
or
Leave without him noticing (Where he may get upset when he notices i'm not there )

I don't know what to do
Generally hes a really outgoing little fella but i've never left him before other than a matter of hours where he may go to his nana's, but thats about it.

Zee I'm in the same predicament so no help sorry. Andrew starts preschool tomorrow and he loved it there today and cried when it was time to leave but I still don't know what to do or say. Makes it harder that I'm taking Sophie with me not leaving her there too as that would make him feel loads better.

The only time he has been away from me was at 8 months old with a child minder that he wont remember and the day I had Sophie. This is the whole reason I have chosen to put him in a preschool so nursery isn't too much of a shock come September!

I'll have this when Jack starts in August. Id tell him you're leaving, he may panic once he realises you have gone and think you wont come back.

Good luck xx

If it were me and Izzy I'd just take her in, let the lady take them, give a kiss and leave

Thats what i did with Izzy, and although she cried for about 30 seconds she was fine

They say the longer you loiter, or spend saying bye bye and trying to explain then the more upset they may get.

Its a bit like if Izzy sees me going in the car she gets reallt upset crying in window...if she doesn't see me go she just says Mummy gone?! But doesnt get upset!

Ooh this is a tough one. Both of mine started nursery at 1 year so it was a little different. I would talk about how the other children's parents weren't there either, and give them a kiss and see if they will go off and play. TBH if they have already had a session there and would be happy i would think if you slip away without making a fuss they will find it easier.

It is such a big milestone, but they will have a fab time and you will start to treasure a few hours to yourself (well may be not with Sophie Vic!) x x x

Hope all goes well x

Thanks ladies

Its a hard one isn't it Wrig's. I know he's comfortable and at ease there, but for him to turn round and not be able to find me he's probably going to freak out.

That's what i'm thinking Leanne, but I'm worried he'll get more worked up if he 'can't' come with me. And then I worry that if he does freak out, then I have to reasure him by staying there an extra half hour, that I may have knocked the whole situation of me leaving and that he'll be on the constant look out for me

I would be straight with him. They understand far more than we give them credit for. I'd talk to him before you even go, tell him he's going to school like a big boy, and that mummy has some things to do then you'll be back to pick him up at lunch time or whatever time it is. With Chloe as long as I tell her I'll be back and when she's fine, be positive, he'll pick up if you're nervous about it. After a couple of days he'll be running in without a backward glance xx

Thanks ladies.

Mandy - that is spot on what you said. I think a lot of it is 'my' problem. Its me that has the insecurities cos he doesn't tend to go places without me or daddy (or nana) so for none of us to be there - I worry lol, and am probably indirectly passing them insecurities onto him.

I would tell him you are going. Lily moved into a different age group at nursery recently so all the staff/children were new to her, when she went i told her she was going to the big girl group and that i was going to work and would come and get her soon. I do agree with lisa though that i would drop him off and then go as i have found that as soon as you go they are fine and the times i lingered it was worse!

I have the opposite issue with Wil he wants to stay at his childminder's house and complains about having to go home.

I would talk to him about it in a positive way and remind him how much fun he had today. When it comes to leaving him just tell him you are going as if you do it everyday say bye bye see you later and go. He will probably cry initially but within 5 minutes he won't bother.

Just give it a couple of weeks and you will struggle to get a kiss bye or a backward glance. Oh and don't be offended when you get to the door being shut in your face situation.

ah zee i thought i would go with the 'im just popping out you play and mummy will come back for you in a little while' approach cos i thought it was better for toddlers to know whats going on, but it incredibly didnt work, he used to sceam cry grab hold of me etc and just make it really upsetting for the both of us.
It may sound bad now but the only way he is happy about going is if i dont mention it at all, not even on the way or anything, ignore him if he mentions it, distract him with something else and take him in, then he will just run off and play. Its taken us about 8 months for him to be ok going in and not cry, he has only just been able to start giving me a kiss and saying bye bye mummy.
Just leaving was the only way that worked for me!
x

Thought I would update you seeing as the children are sleeping.

I told Andrew this morning that we were going to group to play ... I told him he is going to be s big boy and that mummy will be taking Sophie to do some shopping and that I would come back for him. I made a big deal that he is such a big boy and how fun it will be etc.

Got There and he remembered the place so was a good start and got in the lady said hi etc and he literally ran off to play without even taking his coat off. So the lady called him back to take it off and I explained again that I was going to do some shopping and that I would be back soon. I told him I loved him and he gave me a big kiss and he ran off to play lol no tears.

When I went to pick him up they were all singing and from outsides the room I could hear him singing loudly above the rest of the class. I went in and he rsn into my arms and gave me s big kiss and cuddle. He really enjoyed it!

They said hehad a tantrum half way through but was ok once he calmed down. I do think this was because he needed a wee and I wasn't there or because he didn't want to use the toilet - he uses a potty at home.

He told me he 'liked his lots of new friends' lol and he said he wanted to go back next week. Then he told me he missed me !

Andrew had a fantastic time and I think me and Sophie were the ones who noticed more lol Sophie kept asking where Andrew was! I took a bag if grapes when I picked him up too which madde him happy

Zee I wouldn't stay for the 30 minutes I would take him say bye bye oliver mummy will be back to get you later etc and go.

I also wouldn't go back 30 mins earlier than the end because if he's anything like Tyler at nursery, once he sees you he will just run over and want you not to play.

Its horrible leaving them, its taken about 9 months for Tyler to stop crying when I drop him off at nursery but I get kisses and waves now and even bigger kisses when I pick him up. If Tyler does cry when I leave he normally stops as soon as Ive shut the door behind me as I can hear him!

Thanks for all your tips ladies. I'm going to have a quick word with his key worker tomorrow when we get there and see what she thinks.

Wriggler - your post brought tears to my eyes lol (tears of joy, that is) That was so sweet

Ahh hun, I honestly don't know what to suggest as ive not been in that position yet, but hope he settles in quickly and before you know it he will be complaining its home time lol!

Wriggs your post brought tears to my eyes too...bless him xx

Lillie started playgroup in the school few weeks ago now. Iv never left her either apart from my mums, was dreading it.

BUT 1st day I dropped her and stayed for 30mins left for 30 and came back early and stayed till the end, so she knew I was comming back. They said she did cry but about 10mins after I had gone like she had only just realised Id gone. But when I went to get her didnt look like she had been crying so she couldnt have cried for too long.

Next time she went, She screamed and screamed before she went in. but I handed her over to the leader and kissed said I had to go to the car and sort hollie and be back.... and I left, said to the leader if shes realy upset please ring me!! but never heard a thing and when I got there to pick her up, she was all lined up with the other kids with her bag on her back waiting for me with big smiles.

we have the odd day when she says no no school today, have screaming fits goin in... but I just hand her over and leave. they say soon as I must be out of the school gates she stops. now shes been going for a month or so she loves it, now asks to go. and comes home and tells me what shes done, and whos shes played it. when she come back with paintings she loves it waving it about so proud. makes me well up every time!!
so after whitsen (sp!?!) shes going twice a week, the more nad more till easter nxt yr she'l start morns aswell, to make a full day.

just build it up bit by bit. he will soon come around. there are some mums there whos LOs have been going since sept last yr and they still stay a full session, but you just do what you and he is right! Im glad I dropped and ran so to speak lol was hard I worried non stop but glad I did it now as 1 for her sake and 2 for mine the more Id hang on the harder it would have been for me to leave.

hope all goes well chick xxx

With Sophia, she started going to nursery at 11 months for two full days and one half day a week. For the settling in dyas of two hours at a time she was perfecelty happy but when it started for real if you like, she did find it harder.

I took the approach of getting her in the room, saying i was going and giving her a kis, settling her with atoy and then once she was concentrating on the toy i would go quietly.

She did cry at first for a few minutes but she did get used to it. I think it took about 3 months and since then (uness slightly under the weather) she goes in and plays straight away. What is lovely now though is that when i pick her up she shouts mummy and runs into my arms for a hug.

I think let him know you are going, watch him settle to a toy or activity with staff then go quietly. Distraction is very powerful and usually works. But also i think its important for him to know you are going and that you will come back.

Hope it goes well tomorrow

Mandy xx

Jamie started in january and i just dropped him off and gave him a kiss and said il see you later, he did cry at dropping off time for the first week, he goes 3 days a week, but his teachers said he was fine once i was gone. I worried for weeks and weeks before his start date about all this dropping him off , will he be ok, will he settle in, will he like it... but i can honestley say its been great he loves it there and waves bye bye to me now and runs to me when i pick him up and i get a great big smile and cuddle

As you know Rowan has been at Nursery 3 full days a week for the last year.

First thing I'll say is you know your own child. Do what you feel is right for you both.

With Rowan I take him in, we say good morning. I put him down and his bag down. I ask for a cuddle and a kiss and then one of the girls takes him off to do something. Rowan goes to early start and has done for the last year (not from the 6th June though) so it can be in a different room or a different girl there. But this mornings early start was in his room and with Maryann who is a staff member in his room and he loves her. so he was happy to bye mummy see you later and walk off.

We still get the odd day here and there every month or so where he will cry. But honestly the longer you stay to try and calm them down the more upset they get. the staff are trained to help calm them down and by the time i'm out the class door and half way down the hall he has stopped crying.

What did you do in the end Zee? Did he get on ok? xx

Well Monday we stayed for all the session (in the background)

Wednesdays - I um'd and arh'd over what to do, so I went in as usual, and stayed for about 10 mins. I gave him a kiss and told him i'd come to pick him up soon and will bring daddy with me. He did go to the door as I suspected he would, but the teacher managed to distract him with something so he said good bye and I left.
Managed to hold back the tears till I got home and I just balled my eyes out. I was devastated Absolutely heart broken OH came home and asked how it all went and I broke down again. Within minutes of calming down my phone rang and it was the nursery saying that O was quite upset and could I come in and get him (as he was still settling-in) 5mins later I got there and he was all red eyed in the arms of one of the nursery teachers. He saw me and he balled his little heart out and I broke down again too

We stayed there with him until he came round as I didn't want to take him straight home as I thought i'd be sending him messages that nursery is a 'bad' place and mummy will take him away when he gets upset.
He came round and was playing again before we left. They explained that he'd had a little fall in the yard and thats what triggered him to get upset - with me not being there to soothe him and the fact he was probably over tiered, it all just got too much for the little fella

Thursday - We decided to just leave him there for an hour and build up from there. So as soon as we walked in he wanted the loo, sat him on the potty give him a kiss and said Miss D was here to help him. I left and after an hour went back, I saw him playing in the yard all happy Miss D said he's been much better today and I could leave him for longer if I wished, but I thought it best to take him then whilst he's all happy. So we walked home and I kept asking if he'd had fun today and he was telling me about all his new friends He was so pleased with himself. They said he did get a bit upset when I 1st left but i'd put his 'nunu' in his bag so if he got upset it'd make him feel all better again - it worked. After about 15mins he gave his 'nunu' to the teacher and went off to play.

Monday we're going to do 1.5hrs and build it up half an hour each day, so by the end of next week he'll be doing a full session.

I've already noticed a difference in him, he gets all happy when he talks about school now and his friends. And i've noticed a difference when we went to playgroup today - he was making much more of an effort to play with all the kiddies rather than the select few he usually plays with. So his confidence is building already

Thanks for all your advice everyone, I really didn't realise it was going to be so hard and such a heart breaking experience. xxx