Would/have you?

Im invited to a hen weekend in August when i'l be about 22/23 weeks pg. The bride is a girl I worked with for a year before I went off on Mat leave with Caitlin 2 years ago. We were friendly in work but tbh she made more of an effort with me than I did with her. In the last 2 years we've only met up for lunch/coffee maybe 5 times but she always buys me preesnts be it Caitlins bday, Christmas, bringing Caitlin a bib back from the zoo etc. She is lovely just not someone I 'clicked' with.
Anyway I was going to make an effort to go to hen night even though im pg due to the fact she trys so hard with me and I know I can be a crap friend at times. Today I got an email with the details & am having 2nd thoughts

Its about 80 miles away and involves staying overnight in a luxury appartment - fine with that. (£25)
Getting train there and back - bit annoyed as I went to uni there and know that the bus route is actually faster/cheaper but who am I to argue (£21)
Day time Activity, Cocktail making class at local hotel - Im not really going to fully enjoy that (£20)
Evening - shots/drinking games in apartment (i'l watch, so free)
Out for dinner (£30)
Clubbing (prob another £20 on taxi's, entrance fee's, buying bride a drink, me cokes etc)

Now the bit im most put off by. The theme is Cleopatra/Egyptian and as the bride is wearing blue and must stand out all the hens MUST wear a white dress with gold/blue accessories. Advises that wigs etc may make an outfit. I get that its fun, but im already a size 16 and will be heavily pg. I aint gona look good in a white dress! Plus the expense of buying a white maternity dress to wear once. Not including fancy dress it already totals around £120. Plus then snacks/ lunches/putting money in kitty for cooked breakfast its going to be £150 before I know it.

Would you go if you couldnt drink or fully participate in activities? Am I making excuses to be a bore lol?!

I would have gone mid way through thr PG yes...BUT although the timing wouldnt have been an issue, the funds probably would!

I would never mind spending alot on a close friends hen do - but for someone I dont class as a good friend it is a lot of money!

If you can't justify that money being spent then just say so! At the end of the day most people know that babies cost money and that you aren't being unreasonable by saying you can't spare that cash right then!

Stuart pointed out that a sexing scan costs £120 so what would I prefer?

Money is a major factor here, but tbh so is being sober fat and pregnant amongst size 8-10 childless women who are drunk . Thats my issue but not theirs I suppose.

agree with lisa x

snoopy21 wrote:

Stuart pointed out that a sexing scan costs £120 so what would I prefer?

Money is a major factor here, but tbh so is being sober fat and pregnant amongst size 8-10 childless women who are drunk . Thats my issue but not theirs I suppose.

to me it doesnt sound like you ant to go at all and it is a lot of money to be spoending if your not that botherd, im sure people will understand if you decide against it, but on the other hand if you do decide to go im sure you will have a great time reguardless xx

I know how you feel about being the fat pregnant sobar one on a night out, i was so worried about how i'd look/feel on the BandA night out but actually i felt alright and had a really good time.
That being said that was a special occasion and yeah i think it would be worth it if it was my good friend but tbh sounds like too much money/effort for someone you're not particularly close too.

If there anyway you can say you're go for the day activity and dinner then go home, although long trip alone isnt good i guess..

I honestly wouldnt spend all that money if your not gonna be able to enjoy yourself think what that money could do for your buba aswell x

I wouldn't go, I wouldn t enjoy it and would just keep thinking what I could be spending the money on instead. IF you did want to make the effort with her why don't you just offer to take her out for lunch one day instead. I'm sure she will understand your position.

I don't think id bother tbh. For a close friend then yes but it doesn't really sound like you want to go x

Iv texted her and arranged for her to come round for lunch on Monday. I'l sweeten her up with some nice buns before i break the news to her that I really cant justify that amount of money to be a spectator at a lot of it. Plus the costume issues.

Thats a good idea about taking her out somewhere. Might arrange an early bird tea some evening in August at local Italian and meet her after work, my treat.

Final dilemma though - I confirmed via email with another girl that I was def going in March before I knew I was pg. Would you offer the £25 for the apartment (as at the time the girl said final prices were dependant on numbers)? Or say nothing? Id hate the rest of them to be out of pocket because of me.... but then I wouldnt want to give £25 and it just be put in a drinking kitty? Rude of me?

I dont blame you for not going tbh, I dont think I would want to. When im heavily pregnant, I feel like im having the life and energy sucked out of me and a night out on the town wouldnt be something I looked forward to.

Im lucky in that a certain lady is having a hen weekend at a spa, so being pregnant will be a total luxury for me and my bag is packed already!

x

I wouldn't blame you for not going either hon.

I went on a hen doo of a good friend's when I was about 16wks preg and tbh it was rubbish! I was very mardy about being pregnant altogether and because I didn't know many people, all anyone talked to me about was the pregnancy and everything - Iwas the first of the group to be pg so I guess they were interested (especially one who, I later discovered, had been trying for a baby for ages). By the end of it I was dying to go home and scream out "I am not a womb on legs!!!"

If I were you, I'd take her for dinner later or something instead.

As for the flat - just ask outright if they will be out of pocket if you don't go. Say you hadn't realised how tiring pregnancy is and that you would just be a party pooper etc.


xx Em

I have twice!! to be honest if they wernt close friends and I wasnt bridesmaid I wouldnt have.

1st I was preg with Lillie, wen tout in swansea and tbh I was bored stiff nad spent 1/2 the night in macds lol untill they kicked me out. I couldnt handle the hussle and bussle of the pubs/clubs so I left and waited for them to come home to get limo home (total waste of money!)

and 2nd we had a weekend away, and it was when I 1st found out I was preg with Hollie, so noone knew I told the bride that was it. so it was hard to hide I wasnt dinking (mind everyone guessed as Im normaly the one on the tables!! and I wasnt lol didnt hide it too well!! haha) but we ahd a spa day and again I was trying to hide my lickle bump and I couldnt use some of the treatments argh was a nightmare!!!

so no I dont blame you, if I wasnt bridesmaid I wouldnt have bothered!! xx

I would mention to the one about the apartment that you can't go and you hope it's not going to cause everyone any issues and leave it at that. you've given her the opportunity to tell you if she still wants the money but haven't offered it in case it's not needed

im sure they will all understand hun and if they don't who cares they're not close friends anyway are they

Deffo give it a miss and don't mention the apartment money. £25 devided by the other girls isn't going to be that much. And if anyone moans tell them they can save money by getting the bus and dumping the train.

In all honesty I'm sure everyone will understand

i dont think i'd go, if it wasn't for a close friend,

id offer to take her out for a meal or perhaps get your nails done together or something.

with the apartment i'd just email and say that your not able to attend, and leave it as that and see if they ask for the deposit .