Ok, so much has happened since my last post so this may be a long one!

Every day has thrown a new challenge my way whether it be dealing with other people or my own demons.

I spent a week with Alex talking, making him do things for Lucas and round the house. The week went well and I felt closer to him than I have in a long time.

His GF had the mw who specialises in teen pregnancies come out to visit her and from what her mum said she just made her more determined to keep the baby. I know she has to tell her of all the support she'll receive but now she knows that she'll be given £500 ffs she thinks she can afford it. AND she told her that younger mothers make better mothers!!! Oooo that made me furious. How can anyone say what age makes better mothers let alone to an impressionable child.

Anyway the school went to her house Monday with the electronic baby (set on it's hardest setting) for her to have for two days and nights. And this is where things went wrong. Alex was at his dads but asked me if he could stay off school on the Tuesday to spend the day with his GF and experience the baby. I discussed it with my partner and we felt that while he should be able to see what it would be like, if his GF only has it for two days then she should be alone with it as that is what the reality of this situation will be. I told him I'd see if I could arrange with the school something else. But he was not happy with that. His words were 'you nag in my ear all the time about how hard it will be, and then when I get the chance to experience it you won't let me!' Which I understand but still, we had to stick with our decision. This then kicked off into a MAJOR strop from him and me telling him a few home truths. He then told me he doesn't want to live with me anymore and wants me to put him into care!

The next day was difficult as his sister still doesn't know about the situation. So we kept him off school as he said even if we dropped him off he wouldn't go, and got her to school. Then my partner spoke with his parents to see if they could talk to him, which they felt probably wouldn't be a great idea as his mum is devastated by what's happened and would probably fly off the handle and his dad felt he wouldn't respect what he had to say. So they spoke to me instead, which I can honestly say did not help. They said about all what he'd miss out on and the affect it will have on everyone. Which I KNOW already and felt like they think I'm happy about the situation and am just sitting back and letting it all happen. As I explained to them I know all what they're saying and I have already told Alex this myself. But unfortunately I have very little influence over the situation and all I can do is talk to Alex and his GF mum. Which believe me, I've done a lot of already and will continue to do!

Anyway, we got someone from his school to come and see him in the hope that he may open up to him but he didn't. I also spent the day on the phone to various different people, trying to find some support. As yet we have had no phone calls from anyone about this. I get that his GF is ultimately the main person to be affected by what will happen but Alex is and will be too. And there is NO support AT ALL for him! I have trawled the internet and spent many hours on the phone to various different people to see what help and support we can get but in our area there appears to be none. I haven't phoned the social yet tho as I was told they will be in contact with us.

I have been in regular contact with his school however as he was already struggling to knuckle down at school and has had a lot of problems within the past year. I have discussed with them and him about moving schools and last week they put in an application for him to transfer to another school. I know that all schools have their tearaways and Alex is attracted to that crowd but I just feel that he will have no chance at doing well at school if he is with his hormonal, pregnant teenage gf! It's just too much to ask of him. And let's face it, it is massively important that he gets a good education!! The problem is that now he's told her he's moving she is very upset by it and naturally now he doesn't want to make the move. Which I understand too but he's behaviour at school is bad and he is bunking lesson now too. It's like we're all stuck between a rock and a hard place!

So that's where they are at atm.

I on the other hand have been up and down and down and well down I guess. I have managed to keep on the smiley mummy face for my other two kids but by god has it been hard. My parents still don't know yet either. As I'm sure you can imagine it's not been easy to deal with but a couple of days ago I felt like I was being attacked by everyone, being pushed and pulled in every direction. To put it bluntly everyone feels that this is a disaster and of course I agree. My partner himself said there is no happy ending to this, and yes I understand that…BUT, it has happened and I can't nor would I want to force her into a termination. At the end of the day this is my son and I am his mother. I WILL support him no matter what and if she keeps the baby I will look for the positives in the situation rather than dwell on the negatives as that won't get anyone anywhere.

My next major challenge is to tell my 8yo daughter what mess her brother has got himself into. And yet again everyone seems to have their own opinion on when she should be told. Personally I am at a loss as to when she should be told. I was hoping to wait until we knew 100% for sure if she is keeping the baby and then tackle the subject.

I'm scared because I don't want to do the wrong thing throughout this situation and when I say things and do things I keep thinking was/is that right. Will they take that the right way, what should I say and do? Oh I'm exhausted from it, really I am. But I MUST stay strong!

My partner and I are considering sending Alex to www.teenbratcampuk.co.uk/ and I'd really like to hear your opinions on it. We would follow it up with family counselling too. Yet again everyone has their opinions on it and most give us a bad reaction but I think that's because they just hear the name of it and haven't looked at the website. I have spoken to the head counsellor who runs it and truly believe it can only be of benefit to Alex. What has happened has made me do a lot of soul searching and I can look back now and see where I could have done things better. I look at Alex now and see a confused, broken teenager. Who if he carries on this path will end up in prison or worse. I can't mend him, I don't have the qualifications, so as his mum I want to get him some help and be there for him.

Thank you for reading this mammoth post and for your time and support, especially to all who have pm'd me. I truly value your opinions, friendship and support each and every one of you x x x

wow ,,,,, you have some strength !
can i ask . how far along is she ? is she still in early days where there is a chance of things going wrong ,,, now i wish this on noone at all i swear but im thinking maybe best holding off on telling your daughter until its all really deffo happening ? but obviously you want her to hear it from you and noone else ?
the camp seems a good idea , would he go ?
you never know , as you have said he has been troublesome , this baby could be the making of him ?
sending you big hugs x x x x

Hun sounds to me like your doing everything you need to do.

I don't think anyone could imaginewhat your going through

as for your daughter I'd wait for his gf to make a decision before telling her
sending a huge hug Xx

wow hopadom your amazingly strong and just the fact that your being supportive to your son IS doing the right thing by him. Many mothers I'm sure would be so angry that the couldn't offer the support that your giving Alex.

I agree with the others about waiting until you know for sure about what the gf will do about the baby, it seems like she wants to keep it but she might change her mind and you wouldn't want to upset your daughter anymore.

I'm sure whatever and however you tell her will be the right way, she needs to know and it will probably ensure that she doesn't make the same mistake

I think the camp and follow up counselling seems a good idea too! It's got to be worth a try anyway hasn't it.

Your offering so much support to everyone else I hope there is some there to offer you support. Of course you know we are all here for you xx

Oh Jo hun, what a situation I honestly have no advice whatsoever but I wanted to say I think you're a fab mum, (((((((((((((((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))) xxxx

Amazing!! you really are, i think what you are doing is brilliant. if you feel sending him to that camp will help then do it, you've obviously looked into everything you can and if it will help then do it.

Thanks ladies, that is how I feel about telling her too, I'm just worried Alex will blurt it out or she may hear from someone else.

Michelle, I have had the exact same thoughts as you too. She's probably about 9 weeks but we're not sure. I don't know if he would go to the camp but it's a long way from here so we could make him. It's not like he could get home easily. I think I could possibly persuade him to go.

Thanks for the hug and kind words Clare.

MJ, I do have some friends who are supportive, my OH is doing all he can too. I just wish I had my family to support me!

Thank you Susan and Kelly, I don't feel like a very good mum right now. I'm just trying to do my best in this very difficult situation x

I think your a fabulous mum!!!!!!!

I dont know anyone who would cope this well, and still give support to a son your obviously up the wall with.

I would try the camp definately....try and persuade him to go, but if he refuses i would force his hand! Like everyones said I dont see how it can do any harm.

I absolutely feel for you!!

I posted the other day about a family I know who have just brought their 15yr old daughters baby home from hospital.......she had the baby at 27wks, the girl nor the family had any idea whatsoever!!!!!! She thought she had an appendix problem.

The family have struggled, as one of ther other daughters has leukemia, and the girls dad reacted very very badly to it all.

Any way.........theres a positive! THEY'RE OK, and pulling together x

Im not saying by any means that I would agree or disagree with any decisions that the girl and her family come to (with your help!), but in a year or so life will be normal again.........It may just be a 'new normal'

xxxx

Thanks Lisa x x

Your doing So well keeping calm & doing the best for everyone. Don't put yourself down your a fab mummy!!
Your son will look back soon &see how lucky he is to have a mum like you to support him so much.

X x x x

Thanks Em, I'd like to hope so but I won't hold my breath x

hopadom wrote:

Thanks Em, I'd like to hope so but I won't hold my breath x

I'm sure he will, at the moment he prob doesn't know if he's coming or going, but I'm sure in time he will!! If this was me at their age I know for a fact my parents would have disowned me!! When preg with lillie at 22/23 my dad didn't speak to me for a while.
Which makes me really appriciate what your doing for him not many would be strong to stand by them. He will see I'm sure x x

xemplus2x wrote:

hopadom wrote:

Thanks Em, I'd like to hope so but I won't hold my breath x

I'm sure he will, at the moment he prob doesn't know if he's coming or going, but I'm sure in time he will!! If this was me at their age I know for a fact my parents would have disowned me!! When preg with lillie at 22/23 my dad didn't speak to me for a while.
Which makes me really appriciate what your doing for him not many would be strong to stand by them. He will see I'm sure x x

Thanks x x

id go for the brat camp. i threaten mines with it and wouldnt think twice about sourcing one if i had to !

keep trooping, ur a fabby mum and are doing your best xx

Thanks Laura x

wow jo! i have absolutely no advice to give cos i'm useless at it...but i just wanted to say you are such an amazing mum and your kids are so lucky to have you!

Thanks Kenty, I'm not sure my kids would agree with you tho x

they will one day...i'd have given anything to have a mum like you

Jo, I think you are being so very strong and are dealing with this fantastically, i am not so sure i would be doing the same.

I think you are right to hold off telling your 8yo until a final decision is made, i hope Alex understands why and will hold of blurting it out too.

I dont know about brat camp, i think as his mum only you can really know how he will get on and whether its the right thing for him.

i am just sending you lots and lots of hugs and strength for however this ends

Aww, Kenty I'm touched! x

Jo thanks for the hugs and strength. I need both!! I honestly and truly think Alex would benefit from Brat Camp. He needs to do some serious soul searching and realise that his choices have consequences and also that he chooses his own path in life. They offer advice, therapy and one to one counselling. I really think it could make him in to the person he wants to be, well point him in the right direction at least x

You're doing all that you can, you're a great mum, don't underestimate yourself.

Thing that makes my blood boil is the bloody mw painting such a positive picture and highlighting the positives such as how much benefits she'll get! She should be telling her how bloody hard it is no matter what age you are.

I agree with the others, hold on before telling your 8 year old, just in case of mc/termination.

Really hope you're ok
x

BabyMilly wrote:

Thing that makes my blood boil is the bloody mw painting such a positive picture and highlighting the positives such as how much benefits she'll get! She should be telling her how bloody hard it is no matter what age you are.

EXACTLY!!!! She is after all, only 14! You just don't do that sort of thing do you...grrrr! x

I think the midwife acted very unprofesionally, she should remain completely impartial untill the girl makes he own decision then of course tell her about the help availabe and support her. On the brt camp issue then I think as Alex's mum you know whats best for him, trust you instincts x

hopadom are you not plannig on telling your parents just yet until you know what the situation is? Would they flip out? If they're even a quarter understanding as you are then it will be fine just make sure you take care of yourself too!

not sure if i have any advice but you seem to be coping very well. one thing i would say is that at least your son is taking an interest and wanted to spend the time to experience the baby, a lot of others would run away.

i totally agree with babymilly on how irresponsible the midwife was,there was a really good episode of underage and pg the other week, she got pg at 14 and her parents didnt support her so she had to move out, it really highlighted how difficult it was coping with a baby, i think it would be good for them to watch it.

hope youre bearing up xx