First topic message reminder :

Ok, so much has happened since my last post so this may be a long one!

Every day has thrown a new challenge my way whether it be dealing with other people or my own demons.

I spent a week with Alex talking, making him do things for Lucas and round the house. The week went well and I felt closer to him than I have in a long time.

His GF had the mw who specialises in teen pregnancies come out to visit her and from what her mum said she just made her more determined to keep the baby. I know she has to tell her of all the support she'll receive but now she knows that she'll be given £500 ffs she thinks she can afford it. AND she told her that younger mothers make better mothers!!! Oooo that made me furious. How can anyone say what age makes better mothers let alone to an impressionable child.

Anyway the school went to her house Monday with the electronic baby (set on it's hardest setting) for her to have for two days and nights. And this is where things went wrong. Alex was at his dads but asked me if he could stay off school on the Tuesday to spend the day with his GF and experience the baby. I discussed it with my partner and we felt that while he should be able to see what it would be like, if his GF only has it for two days then she should be alone with it as that is what the reality of this situation will be. I told him I'd see if I could arrange with the school something else. But he was not happy with that. His words were 'you nag in my ear all the time about how hard it will be, and then when I get the chance to experience it you won't let me!' Which I understand but still, we had to stick with our decision. This then kicked off into a MAJOR strop from him and me telling him a few home truths. He then told me he doesn't want to live with me anymore and wants me to put him into care!

The next day was difficult as his sister still doesn't know about the situation. So we kept him off school as he said even if we dropped him off he wouldn't go, and got her to school. Then my partner spoke with his parents to see if they could talk to him, which they felt probably wouldn't be a great idea as his mum is devastated by what's happened and would probably fly off the handle and his dad felt he wouldn't respect what he had to say. So they spoke to me instead, which I can honestly say did not help. They said about all what he'd miss out on and the affect it will have on everyone. Which I KNOW already and felt like they think I'm happy about the situation and am just sitting back and letting it all happen. As I explained to them I know all what they're saying and I have already told Alex this myself. But unfortunately I have very little influence over the situation and all I can do is talk to Alex and his GF mum. Which believe me, I've done a lot of already and will continue to do!

Anyway, we got someone from his school to come and see him in the hope that he may open up to him but he didn't. I also spent the day on the phone to various different people, trying to find some support. As yet we have had no phone calls from anyone about this. I get that his GF is ultimately the main person to be affected by what will happen but Alex is and will be too. And there is NO support AT ALL for him! I have trawled the internet and spent many hours on the phone to various different people to see what help and support we can get but in our area there appears to be none. I haven't phoned the social yet tho as I was told they will be in contact with us.

I have been in regular contact with his school however as he was already struggling to knuckle down at school and has had a lot of problems within the past year. I have discussed with them and him about moving schools and last week they put in an application for him to transfer to another school. I know that all schools have their tearaways and Alex is attracted to that crowd but I just feel that he will have no chance at doing well at school if he is with his hormonal, pregnant teenage gf! It's just too much to ask of him. And let's face it, it is massively important that he gets a good education!! The problem is that now he's told her he's moving she is very upset by it and naturally now he doesn't want to make the move. Which I understand too but he's behaviour at school is bad and he is bunking lesson now too. It's like we're all stuck between a rock and a hard place!

So that's where they are at atm.

I on the other hand have been up and down and down and well down I guess. I have managed to keep on the smiley mummy face for my other two kids but by god has it been hard. My parents still don't know yet either. As I'm sure you can imagine it's not been easy to deal with but a couple of days ago I felt like I was being attacked by everyone, being pushed and pulled in every direction. To put it bluntly everyone feels that this is a disaster and of course I agree. My partner himself said there is no happy ending to this, and yes I understand that…BUT, it has happened and I can't nor would I want to force her into a termination. At the end of the day this is my son and I am his mother. I WILL support him no matter what and if she keeps the baby I will look for the positives in the situation rather than dwell on the negatives as that won't get anyone anywhere.

My next major challenge is to tell my 8yo daughter what mess her brother has got himself into. And yet again everyone seems to have their own opinion on when she should be told. Personally I am at a loss as to when she should be told. I was hoping to wait until we knew 100% for sure if she is keeping the baby and then tackle the subject.

I'm scared because I don't want to do the wrong thing throughout this situation and when I say things and do things I keep thinking was/is that right. Will they take that the right way, what should I say and do? Oh I'm exhausted from it, really I am. But I MUST stay strong!

My partner and I are considering sending Alex to www.teenbratcampuk.co.uk/ and I'd really like to hear your opinions on it. We would follow it up with family counselling too. Yet again everyone has their opinions on it and most give us a bad reaction but I think that's because they just hear the name of it and haven't looked at the website. I have spoken to the head counsellor who runs it and truly believe it can only be of benefit to Alex. What has happened has made me do a lot of soul searching and I can look back now and see where I could have done things better. I look at Alex now and see a confused, broken teenager. Who if he carries on this path will end up in prison or worse. I can't mend him, I don't have the qualifications, so as his mum I want to get him some help and be there for him.

Thank you for reading this mammoth post and for your time and support, especially to all who have pm'd me. I truly value your opinions, friendship and support each and every one of you x x x