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Oh wow hon so honest and heart felt, if i found that hard to read i can only imagone how awful it must have been for you to read it. I hope it was a help to you though to get it on paper, or screen as it is. No one should ever judge you for anything whether it be that Ollie was starved of oxygen, or that you weren't sure if something was wrong or that you are trying again. His loss was an awful unpreventable tragedy and its understandable that while you are still grieving for his loss you still feel a need to be a mummy. Im sure the next baby will be brought up knowing about his or her beautiful big brother who is up with the angels looking after you all. I can understnad how it will be hard to enjoy a pregnancy now but try if you can to and make sure that hospital takes good care of you and your next precious bundle. Sending you all my good thoughts and wishes. Love Annalisa x

I can't even begin to comprehend how you must feel, to lose a child must be the worst possible pain and I applaud your bravery. I agree with Annalisa, you couldn't have done anything to prevent his loss. I have no advice, just wanted to offer my support xxx

this has had me so upset for you.

you shouldnt blame yourself for this at all, i have 2 friends who have been through very similar losses, 1 went on to have a healthy daughter getting pregnant straight away after losing her little boy, and i know she felt exactly the same as you, she longed for that baby so much but she was never meant to be a replacement. (she also had another daughter a couple of years later)

my other friend has chosen to be sterliised, she already had 2 sons, lost her 3rd at 36 weeks (cord came first) and she couldnt bare the thought of it happening again. its been a year since her loss and she is still dealing with the very raw pain of it.

i suppose what i am trying to say is, YOU know whats the right thing for you. i hope so very much you hold another baby soon.
sending a prayer for your angel Ollie xxxxxx