The lovely Gill of GilandWill's annual review post got me thinking today.

A year ago I was in a very bad place. I had just begun a second period of long-term sick leave, I had been advised by my gp that I would need to remain on meds if I got pregnant ,(this knocked me sideways and sent me on a downward spiral of guilt/self-loathing) and my pyschiatrist had me on an extremely high dose of anti-depressants. I was reclusive, had no confidence and was hiding away from my friends/family and the world. I spent most of my time in the house with the doors locked and blinds closed or else in bed. OH and I had a amassive row just after xmas about ttc while on my medication and we ended up spending NYE in different countries which was awful.

I was transferred psychiatrist 3 times in the space of a few months which was extremely unsettling. In April/May I was advised to come off my medication and change to a type which was supposedly safer when ttc/pregnant. I managed to change successfully only to be told that the medication wasn't as safe due to new research and was advised to stop taking it. I was given no guidance information whatsoever from my consultant/gp and was left to terrify myself with google. All this was a week or so before I was due to start a new job after being off for a period of the best part of 18 months. This knocked me for six and could have undone all the progress I had struggled to make.

I was due another appointment at the end of August which was cancelled by the hospital. Last Monday me and OH went to see the consultant and were advised that it would be best to come of both my anti-depressants and beta blockers due to the risks while ttc/pregnancy and after birth.

Well I have not taken any tablets since last Wednesday and am amazed that I have managed this to be honest. I know it isn't going to be easy but I am determined that I will do all I can to give our baby the best possible start..

This time next year I hope to have joined the ranks of BANDA mummies or at least be on the road to realising this goal. I could not have got this far without the love and support of my amazing hubby, wonderful family, amazing friends and all the amazing BANDA ladies. Your love and support is so appreciated.

Sorry for the long post once I started typing the words just keep coming lol

Well done you for coming this far

I hope your really proud of yourself! x

you should be so proud of yourself to come so far!!

i really hope you have the opportunity to be a 'banda mummy' soon xxx

you should be bloody proud of yourself,

keep on going Diane, 1 day at a time, i have no doubt you will reach your goal,
self belief, and a pma will work wonders xxx

hugs lovely xxxx

You should be very proud of yourself

I can't begin to imagine what it's like but it sounds to me you are making great progress...keep going hun xxxx

I am glad that my post helped you Makes it all worthwhile when others benefit from my ramblings.

Stay strong and focus on that goal.

Life is not the 100 metre sprint it is a marathon with the 400 metre hurdles thrown in a few times along the way.

Focus on the goal and you will get over the hurdles, focus on the hurdles and you end up flat on your face!