I am just at the end of my tether with my ex! Jake and Aron's Dad! He is supposed to have the boys every other weekend and half of the school holidays but since we split 6 years ago he has never had them for the full time! For the past year he has had them every other weekend and a few extra days over the holidays and for a week in the summer! He refuses to have them more as it cuts into his social life and the time he spends with his GF!!

Since we have moved back to Leicester I have been taking Jake to watch Leicester City play with my OH (both Jake and OH are huge LCFC fans!) which last season was ok as we just bought tickets as and when but this year we are season ticket holders and unfortunately all the games apart from one are on the weekends the boys are due to go to their Dads, so when we got the fixtures list at the beginning of the season I told Jake the problem and said I would speak to his Dad, which I did! My compromise was to swop weekends so the boys can still go to their Dads once a fortnight and Jake can still watch the footie! But no Alex (ex) has apparently got things planned for every weekend (his ones without the boys) up til christmas and he can't rearrange things as apparently it will teach Jake to be spoiled and get his own way all the time!! WTF! So it now looks like the boys will be going once a month as Jake has decided that he will miss one game a month not that he wants too but it seems he is more adult than his father!!! That is rant one!!

Number 2 is his flipping GF! The boys are now only going once a month and she still insists that she watches the x-factor which is repeated on a sunday instead of thinking about what the kids would like and letting them watch Merlin!! Which they adore! Luckily I can record it and watch it on a sunday with them! Why can't she just be less selfish when it comes to the boys!

Number 3 is he took the boys for a week to the Isle of Wight in the summer to visit his mum and dad (I use the word dad loosely here!!) and I have now found out he left the boys with them babysitting for a night whilst he went to his brothers house for a drink! Not so bad you may think but his dad is a drunk who can be violent, who also hates me for telling him what I thought of him as he tried to hit Ruth (ex's mum) years ago before I had Aron! The agreement of ex taking the kids is that his dad isn't left with the boys without Alex being there as I don't trust his dad! I have also found out that Alex played a drinking game with his brother which I don't really understand but from what I can gather ends up with you getting grazed knuckles! I have heard about this game from the boys and they have given me details of it! What sort of person tells a 10 and a 7 year old about a game like that!!

Think thats all I want to moan about atm! Just don't really know where to go from here with the boys visiting him and really don't want them to go with him to his parents next summer!!

Well done for reading this waffle!

xxx

he sounds like a jerk, unfortunatley as the boys get older they will see him and you and who did what and they will make their own decisions abotu what they want.

sending a hug

What a crappy dad. He sounds like a total idiot!!

I wish I had some advice, but have never been in your situation.

They certainly sound better off not spending so much time with him and his selfish gf.

X

Thank you girls! I get so stressed and confused about it all! I end up thinking its my fault!! I have never said anything bad about their dad in front of the boys and just tell them exactly what he says and I am not going to *^$% him off as it makes me look a fool!

Like you say Clare I am sure the boys will work it out on their own eventually! It just frustrates me that they get so excited when he arrives to pick them up!! Especially when they come back tired and grumpy and I turn into the worst mum ever just for breathing!!

xxx

Ah you sound just like me!
Whatever the god that is dad does is fantastic!
I could rant all night about Lewis & owen's dad. Having not had them all through the 6 weeks holiday, he has taken them away this weekend, so they will miss Mondays school! They both work really hard for 100% attendance then he books a weekend away but it's daddy so it's fine!!
Several people say to me, the boys will realise he does very little and I do everything for them. But as you struggle to get them back into their sleep pattern, and acceptable behaviour it seems like a whole lot of hassle and I sincerely hope one day they do realise
Sorry for the rant

Emma I am so glad that there is someone else going through it too!! Just read that back and it sounds really mean! But I am sure you know what I mean!!

The boys are still grumpy today and argumentative after being at their dads! It drives me up the wall!!

xxx

Kinky mine have just come back from their weekend I seriously need to scream!!
To start fair enough they've had late nights so grotty arguing as you said normal after dads weekend mine tops it???
Lewis 11 last week was upset as his nan hadn't bought him anything for his birthday (she went with them ) and he was apparently drinking wkd blue! He told me in front of his dad and I really never thought anything more then I actually thought about it and questioned (after dad had gone) and in a 11 year olds words " I was going hypo so they gave me a bottle of blue wkd to make me sleep" WTF !!
His huh, gf is nearly 50 he's 36 both got rat arsed all weekend and her 13 yr old daughter was drinking also....
He has them again next weekend and I have till sat to work out how to say how unimpressed I am
I'm speechless, but boiling to the core
Do you know what makes it worse---- he rarely drank 3 yrs ago when we split, he left me for an old wino! Typing that actually made me feel 1/2 an ounce better

I feel for you ladies, I may as well join in the ex rant too. Me and my ex can just about hold a conversation on the phone so communication isnt great, he hasnt given me any maintenance money since March this year fair enough he lost his job so i didnt hassle him but he found another job in August and still no money. I wrote him a letter at the end of August asking for some kind of contribution no matter how small for uniform etc he said fine he'd sort it.... nothing came of that. Comes to middle of September and we have to have a conversation about swapping days he is seeing Jack due to me getting Jack baptised so I mention the money thing again, he says fine he will give me some money. 4 weeks have now passed with him telling Jack to tell me he promises to drop some money round etc... Im not skint but my o/h is out of work at the moment and I dont work either so we dont have a lot of spare cash, Jack needs a haircut, some new trainers , pjs and winter clothes not to mention i need to start paying off his school trip which is over £200. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR He pisses me off.

Secondly every time I arrange him a seperate parents evening appointment to me he doesnt turn up, yet moans because I dont keep him informed - err hello you can ring the school yourself or ask your 10 year old.

Thirdly after splitting over 4 years ago he still quizzes Jack about what me and mmy o/h do etc and tells Jack im lazy.

Still I will echo what was said before children come to realise what for themselves what their dads are like , half the time when Jacks dad cancels Jack is either not bothered or quite pleased. Sad really.

Rant over lol

OMG I am totally stunned! Your ex let your 11 year old drink a bottle of blue WKD cause he was hyper and they wanted him to sleep!!!!!!!!!!! My boys are allowed a sip of cider occasionally but thats it! Never a whole bottle and certainly not something like blue WKD!

I know what you mean about it taking a while to sink in when they tell you things! Sometimes your just so pleased to get them home and get rid of the ex again that it takes a bit for you to realise!

It's not too much to ask but I expect my ex to have the same standards as I do when it comes to my kids! (I know he doesn't though!!) I don't get pissed every weekend when I have the boys (Even when I wasn't pregnant!), but then again I don't actually drink that much! I am too much of a control freak! But I believe in a designated driver type approach as in make sure there is always some one sober and who knows they need to be sober for the kids!! My ex had a drink problem which is one of the reasons why we split! but as far as I know he has sorted that out a bit! Your ex though sounds like he needs a kick up the bum as far as drinking is concerned!!

My immediate reaction in your situation would be to say until he sorts his drinking and allowing his 11 year old to drink that the kids can't go to his but then if you say that its not fair on the kids and you also get the backlash from the kids cause you won't let them see Dad!!

Sometimes it's just a lose lose situation for us mums for the most part!!

xxx

Nutty! Welcome to the ex's rant!

My ex actually pays maintenance but only £60 a week for the 2 despite earning quite a good wage but while I am getting it regularly I am not going to push it!!!

As for parents evening etc my ex lives about 2 hours drive away and wouldn't come to things like that if he was! He isn't even bothered about Aron's doctors appointments etc or trying to find out whats up with him!!

I know ex moans about me and what I do but tbh I couldn't care less what he thinks! I know I am 10 times the person he or his gf will ever be!!!

UPDATE - Have just sent Jake to bed as he is as stroppy as ever and argumentative which he has learnt from his Dad! I have also told him he isn't going to his dad's again until he can behave when he gets back! Although I will give in and let him go!! My OH is being a star and tucking them in for me!!!!

xxx

Thank you Whenever Jack comes back from his dads he is moody and has attitude just like his dad, and I get to deal with that. My mum thinks that my ex still has feelings for me deep down and has never got over me, I just cant believe I ever went out with him (thank god I did though other wise I wouldnt have Jack).

Another moan is the fact that he always asks me to txt him and let me know where to get Jack from - fair enough Jack has lots of sleep overs at my mums, but he will never txt me and let me know what time he is picking Jack up on a Sunday even though i ask (he only sees Jack on a sunday despite living a 10 minute walk from our flat) So basically from 9am on a sunday I have to hang about waiting for him to show sometimes thats as late half 10. Jack has got used to it now , he used to get upset and say daddy isnt coming but now its water off a ducks back. Funny thing is he always turns up bang on 9:30 to pick Jack up from my mums.

We had words
Lewis started texting him telling him I told him off I was telling I'm disgusted his dad allowed it, and the dangers of alcohol he then phoned up asking what the problem was ....
We had a heated discussion and apparently when the kids are with him it's none of my business!!!
I explained it was irresponsible and if he wanted to try a fag would he allow that!! and 5 years ago he wouldn't have dreamt of giving an 11 year old alcohol... We have kinda compromised our differences in morals Lewis will not be given alcohol until 18 and I am not allowed to let him come home from school alone ( he goes ahead and waits at home he is in year 6 going to secondary school next year! - I walk home with the 6year old)
The only compromise I see is I have morals he doesn't