this honestly isnt a post looking for sympathy....I just need to offload!

I am really a nasty piece of work.........Life isnt going my way, so im just being down right horrible to everyone, but cant seem to stop myself!!

Ive spent the day either crying, or snapping

Money isnt going well, and my head says I have to go back to work really early, but my heart says why the f*** should I???? I have gone through 2 pregnancies and really want my time with my children. My OH is looking for evening/night work, but believe me hes not looking that hard! Its always me who has to sort out finances, and im thoroughly peed off with them!!!!!

Dont get me wrong OH is great around the house, but hes not a big earner......all he ever says is 'oh Lise, we'll be ok'......but I know the figures and NO we bloody well wont be!!!!!!!!!! He always just presumes im gonna come up with something.

Ive been horrible to him though all day, and snappy with Isla.....so on top of not having a clue what to do about work/money, im now a horrible wife and mother!!!

I feel dizzy with stress xxx

Oh and on top of that I go to the Gp this morning to ask for help with my weight.....and he says 'oh yes thats not a problem, now just go away and lose some weight over the next month, and then I can prescribe you some medication' FFS If I could just 'go away and lose weight' would I be asking for your fluffin help!!!!!!!!!!!

i'm sure you not horrible!!!
its so easy for everything just to get on top of ya. Doctors are horrible nowadays, so i wouldt take much notice, just try a diff one lol.
Hope tomoro is better
xx

Oh hun you are not a horrible person at all. I know how u feel I am worrying now about money/work as well. I havent been at work for nearly 2 years and we are skint. I dont want to go back to work next year but i have to.
If u ever want to talk hun dont forget im not far away x

it can get really stressful when you're worried about finances, can you not strike a balance, if you're the main earner could you not maybe drop one or two days and then your hubby could work the remaining ones?

I think it's just a girl, in gereral we're bloody fantastic at everything ie being a mum being a wife, being the general head of every department in our home. So now and again when it gets in top of us and we let of steam ( be human) we feel we are horrible!

You're not horrible you're just having a couple of days off from being perfect!

I have the odd day off too But my lot don't call it my day off from being miss perfect they say "oooh time of theonth" grrrrr!

I think it's just a girl, in gereral we're bloody fantastic at everything ie being a mum being a wife, being the general head of every department in our home. So now and again when it gets in top of us and we let of steam ( be human) we feel we are horrible!

You're not horrible you're just having a couple of days off from being perfect!

I have the odd day off too But my lot don't call it my day off from being miss perfect they say "oooh time of theonth" grrrrr!

Hey you !!! You are not a nasty piece of work !! i can so understand why you are feeling so fecked off. Money/work are probably the biggest stress inducers known. i dont know what to say about the finance/work side of things but how are you since coming off the Setraline?? Are you on anything else because i know first hand that anxiety and depression make EVERYTHING so much harder to deal with xx

Funnily enough hun Ive just posted in our 'mental health' topic about this.......No im not taking anything!

Everything feels very 'raw' ........ Ive been in bits today about my dad (he died over 4 yrs ago, and thought I was handling it!)

But in a way I want to deal with these things, instead of being medicated because I was so scared of the side effects!

I dont know, I feel a bit lost

YOU ARE NOT HORRIBLE!!!

We all go through these stages hun, lifes bloody downright hard sometimes!

Maybe sit down with OH and go through the finances with him and show him the proof. Men are so good at burying their head in the sand

You will come through it although it doesnt feel like it. Dont worry about being snappy hun i am sure Isla will have forgotten 5 mins later xxxxxxxxxx

I just wish someone would make these decisions for me! I just dont know what to do for the best...........

Do I go back to work sooner? Do I really struggle, but take the time off? Do I put Isla in childcare? Should I let Chris do all the childcare? My OH works 2 days a week, am I horrid asking him to do some evening/night shifts on top? Am i being irrational that I dont want MIL/FIL doing the childcare?

and breathe........

No words of wisdom, only that it would be unatural for you not to worry about money, childcare etc. even moreso now you are mummy to two - think it's that whole maternal-protector thing kicking in.

Just wanted to offer

oh, and say lovely avatar pic

xxxxx

Oh Lisa You're a lovely person, just going through a lot at them moment. I have no excuse and I can be really awful to my OH, I just seem to take any frustrations I have out on him. Have a chat with Chris and let him know why you're being a bit snappy with him. I hope he gives you a big cuddle and steps up the search for a job. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I think only you can answer those questions. best just to go with what feels right. what feels right cant be the wrong answer. go with the flow and as these things happen deal with them as they come instead of worrying about them all at the one time.

I havnt met you but you dont seem like a horrible person at all. and Im sure if your lashing out at the people close to you if they truly care about you then they will understand and be there for you.

xxx

Lisa hun, you are not horrible at all. PLEASE don't think that.

I too think you need to talk to Chris and tell him how you feel, with all the nitty gritty details. If he only works 2 days a week, can he not do the other 3 rather than evenings/nights?

In my honest opinion, if you can avoid going back to work then do so because our babies don't stay babies for long and we never get this time with them again.

I'm sure your post pregnancy hormones are playing a part in all this too. PND can creep up unexpectedly, so keep an eye out for it. Can you talk to your HV?

As for your Doctor, what a plonker! Definitely go and see another one hun. Or at the very least, give this one what for and spell it out to him if necessary!

Hope things get better for you soon hunni x x x

You are not horrible at all Lisa, remove that thought from your head,

You are only worrying about the same things as everyone else, and reacting in the same way as most of us.

i agree with sitting chris down and showing him in black and white, you might make him understand more.

I hope you dont have to go back early, thats my worst nightmare i still dont know how we are goig to manage but we are going to have to cos i am not giving up my mat leave
good luck hun, i hope you are a little better today xx

Im with the others ur not a horrible person ur just stressed and going through alot. Money is so stressfull x
I hope ur feeling a lil better x