...my childminder that is. After my post the other day about how she said Caelyn was going into meltdown if other kids come near her and doesnt have confidence around other children ive been really thinking on it all weekend because what she was describing didnt sound like the happy kid I know.

So took her to gymnastics today. 3 other kids beside her there ranging from 22 months to 4 years old. I sat right at the back of the room deliberately leaving C to it so I could watch her and......she was fine. Inititally when the bigger kids came up to her she looked at me, pointed and whinged a bit and I just said 'its fine go play' and she was fine. By 40 minutes into the session she was initiating play with them, offering them toys and holding their hands and after an hour she went up to the other younger girl and gave her a kiss.

Ive actually written in her childminding diary for karen to read friday, can you let me know what you think as i dont want to hit the wrong tone:

25/10/10 Gym Tots
Caelyn seemed to remember this from last week and went straight off to play. the 3 other children there were 22 mo to 4 years old. The first couple of times they came close to her she looked over at me and whinged but I simply said 'Its fine Caelyn, the little girl is saying Hello, go and play' and she seemed happy enough. Within about 40 minutes she seemed happy to even instigate interaction with them, exchanging toys and holding hands. No real problems seemed apparent throughout the whole session today, she seemed happy even in spite of currently cutting her canines.
Looking back through your entries in her diary she seemed to have been happy with groups and social siutations prior to 2 or 3 weeks ago. She has been off colour with her teeth and having bad ears and chest lately which makes me wonder if this has been a factor. Other factors i have considered is whether she has had an argument with one of the other children in group or is more unsettled lately for another reason as she is becoming more aware of the conversations we are having about 'babies' and such. I will continue to monitor her at play dates she goes to with me but i can't say I have observed any melt downs or real unhappiness today.

Does that seem fair to you guys? Like i said in the last thread this has really thrown me as it wasnt what I see. A little whining maybe in a new situation but shes not even hit 18 months til this week ffs. I actually think she was very socialble today and took particularly to the 4 year old who was kind enough to give Caelyn some of her stickers at the end of the day which Caelyn was playing with with great pride and Ive stuck them to her childminding diary. I think a couple of weeks of being unsettled hardly makes for a poorly socialised unconfident child. Im gonna give it a few more weeks and if she continues being unhappy there when shes not playing with other kids when im a bout i might have to start asking myself why, if it settles i guess i can just chalk it up to being under the weather.

Sorry long thread

I think thats fine hun, it's not like your saying that shes bullshitting you but you are giving an explanation as to why C may have acted like that, she was under the weather....

You know your own child better than anyone hun xx

I think its fine

I reckon its to do with C not having confidence in the child minder tbh - which will come with time

I think it's fine too!

Like Lisa says it sounds like the lack of confidence in the childminder on C's part as she seems to be fine when you are there!

xx

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me mario, i would be tempted to ner ner, u have been talking outta ya arse tho!

yeh sounds good to me... and I think it's probably something to do with you not being around and her not feeling totally sure of the childminder

You are her mum and mums know best she clearly isn't an un social child so try not to worry

I wouldn't have been able to write so calmly though so well done haha.

JoAandGirls wrote:

That sounds perfectly reasonable to me mario, i would be tempted to ner ner, u have been talking outta ya arse tho!

PMSL! Tempting as it is I gave her a ring this afternoon as only ever see her friday afternoons when i pick C up and she is off for school lunch runs etc.

I said to her its possible its cos she has been unwell or that she had had an argument with another child and she actually agreed with me. She said she agreed it had only been the last couple of weeks she had been off and was ok prior to that and that actually she had another child of similar age who had been disruptive today at childminding group and when she asked his mum turns out he's just getting over a cold. So she thinks maybe it IS just a blip and won't pay it too mcuh mind for the next couple of weeks to see if it improves. We have discussed a few thing sthat might help like making sure shes got plenty of juice and will see if it gets better.

I agree with Lisa though that shes probably not totally secure with the childminder yet which is a 'double whammy' for her if shes being put into a situation shes uncomfortable with then looks over and its not mummy or daddy there. The only other thing i did think of is that i always explain to her where we are going and whats happening and she seems to like that as she knows where she stands and if she doesnt get that because obviously karen has more than just her there maybe its unsettled her a wee bit, she also gets a 5 minute warning where possible from me for a change in circumstances eg. time for lunch/ time for a nap/ someones coming over. I suppose if she always knows where she stands on days at home its a big change for her.

All in though i think im not gonna fret on it again though as I can see my happy confident little girl is fine and Karen seems happy enough to let her settle a bit now ive spoken to her so fingers crossed she will be much happier soon

I think what you have wrote is just fine without being too matter of fact.

Just keep an eye on things and if it continues like this while at the childminders, like you say you will have to start asking yourself why as she seems so different when you have got her, can't say much more than that as I have no experience yet xxx

Mario, how long have you been using this child minder?

I'm going to put myself out there now (don't throw your shoes at me ladies!) but I would rather hear an honest report than...yeah, yeah, she's fine. Blah de blah!

At least she let's you know of a change in C's temperament.

Lucas has had a couple of colds recently and he changes from his usual placid self to a whingy cling-on! It's only natural. And I'm sure this coupled with the fact that it's not Mummy who is accompanying C will undoubtedly unnerve her. At least you can feel safe in the knowledge that your child minder will tell you of any changes in C's manner rather than say nothing at all.

Just to add, I think what you wrote was fine hun x

No im not disputing that Hops. And no shoes from me anyway. How do i put this. Its not that she reported a change in C to me. Its more that she made it sound like C was this oddball unsociable child and made it sound like this really odd worrying thing how she was behaving rather than just a lil blip that probably a lot of kids go through.

Ive not been using her long since early summer and as you say maybe the fact i dont totally know her that well yet means i read something different into what she said than what she meant. Which would be communication on our part. But after chatting on the phone this afternoon its def clearer that we both have the same ideas now that its prob a poorliness related blip as she was doing well there before

That said the fact shes mentioned this other kid has been a catalyst more than once def makes me want to keep an eye cos if c is being fine with me and WAS fine with her and is now being funny means if its not related to being poorly i do want to ask myself why and i think any parent would.

Does that make sense, hope it doesnt sound like im dismissing you out of hand cos you make sense and id def prefer honesty but I also have to consider why what i hear isnt what i see

Yes it makes complete sense. It's good you have talked it through with the CM too, so you both know where you're at.

Hope C get's on better next time and if there is a boy there being a little a'hole then perhaps C should ! On second thought's...maybe not a good idea x

Lol funny you say that, Ive watched her with other kids re sharing stuff and a few times ive noticed if they snatch her toys off her she kinda stands there looking a bit surprised but doesnt actually do anything just wanders off and finds something else or comes and whines at me about it. Yesterday my friends LO came over and is 22 mo and going through a total everything is mine phase and she took toys off c two or 3 times that C was actually in the middle of playing with and my friend didnt say anything other than 'thats not nice is it alice' which was ignored of course. Not really on as everytime C would do something similar and whine or reach for a toy alice was playing with id tell her she had to share

Was about to intervene if she did it again but she took C's handbag away from her and before i could do anything C got really mad, yelled something unintelligible at her and grabbed it back. Didnt have the heart to tell c snatching is naughty cos she had been ever so patient up til then.

So maybe given time she will sort the little git out herself! But at least karen was willing to accept it may be a factor and keep and eye out too so if it was hopefully wont happen again. Thanks for the input though x