Well im due to go back in Jan and im struggling with child care really. I was looking to go back 3 days - nursery costs £30 a day so would be £360 a month. Not entitled to much childcare help at all.

I had a fall out with one of my friends (who is also gavs cousin so is family) but at the weekend i went over to hers and we sorted things out and hopefully things will now be back on track. So she text me this morning saying she knows im struggling and as she doesnt work (housewife) she would watch Alfie for me whe i went back to work. My cousin also gets a Monday off work, which means she could have him a Monday, my friend a Tuesday and then a Wed I could still put him into a nursery which will save me alot of money.

The thing is cos weve already fallen out before im worried that wat happens if we fall out again? will i be dropped in it? amd would i have to pay her? she said no...but does that really mean yes??

Im just not sure wat to do? It would be a big help financially.

Help?!

I'd be inclined to try it, and if it doesn't work out deal with it then. As for paying if she says no, try and insist a bit and if she still says no then i'd just always make sure you have enough food/nappies etc for him so she didn't have to spend out for him and then maybe always have some cash with his stuff so if she does need to buy him something or take him somewhere she can.
Tbh though i've never been in this situation, so i don't have any real experience, you might be better listening to someone who works and has childcare.xx

I think it all depends on how happy you feel about him being there. I work and Lily goes to my mums for 2 days a week and i know that there is no way she would let us down (unless there was a real emergency). The other 2 days she goes to nursery and she really likes it. The main thing for me is that i can seed she is happy and therefore i do not worry about her. If i were you i would make the decision based on how reliable you think people are and how much you think Alfie would like being there.

The real positive i have found from the nursery is that they do lots of things with them to help their development and they also get them to do things that i probably wouldnt have thought to do! I know what you mean about the cost of the nursery - do your work do childcare vouchers as i use these and it saves me a reasonable amount.

Im not sure hun i think this is gonna be one of the things we will discuss on Friday. I havent got an issue about putting Alfie into childcare really if it wasnt for the cost element. I do want to put hi into nursery for at least one day so that he gets used to it from an early age.

I trust her with my life and she is a good mam to her kids. She looked after my other friends son a bit when she went back to work but dropped her in it a bit. She told me tho that my other friend was being unfair and took the micky - never gave him and food or nappies?

Another issue is that she smokes. She doesnt smoke in the house but i can I cal always smell it on Alfie once hes been around her? But i can hardly tell her not to smoke when shes doing me a favour and not doing it in front of him? She also says that shes going to quit from Jan?

x

If it was me , i wouldn't do it, we were in a similar situation and my SIL offered to look after ava one day a week but she's so unreliable, she never turns up to visit when she says she's going to and I couldn't take that risk when I have work commitments.

If she dropped your other friend in it, she'll probably do the same to you and no matter how good your work is they won't be happy if you phone in every other week because of childcare problems.

It depends on what you fell out over? Was it a one off event/something trivial or was it something that wasnt fully resolved and could pop up again in a few months? It depends on how well things were sorted out after the row. I had a falling out with my SIL last year and although after a few weeks we were talking again, and she was taking Caitlin on the odd day out I know that I still have issues with her as things were never fully discussed. I cant say im 100% confident that some comment wont be made in the future and it will all be dragged up again (probably me that will drag it up ). In saying that Id like to think that few people would be so spiteful they couldnt adhere to a childcare arrangement for 2-3 wks while you sorted out an alternative (provided you were happy).

With regards payment I would offer again & then accepts she doesnt want paying. However I would always send £10 so that she can take him out etc or every few weeks buy her a present, nothing huge say a cheap btl perfume, a cd you think she would like, offer to buy her a takeaway & btl wine some weekend etc...

With regards smoking, id be a hypocrite to comment. I smoke but only outside ansd mainly in the evening when Caitlin in bed. However id be a liar if I said I didnt do it during the day as im about to go for one now as Caitlins having a nap and usually id have another in afternoon when she playing with daddy. I know that it smells and sticks to my clothes. Its your baby, its up to you to ask if you feel strongly about it. x

Well im saying we fell out - we didnt ever actually fall out or have an argument we just didnt speak for a while. Gavs mam died in May (her aunty) when she was on holiday in Blackpool (which is an hour away from us) and she wouldnt come back a day early to attend her funeral.

She knows that I wasnt happy about it and when i talked to her about it on Sat i said ill never forgive her for not coming but lifes too short too hold grudges for things in the past.

x

I agree with Pinky that i would not risk it if you will be worrying that you will be let down as you will have enough to be thinking about with being back at work without worrying about that too!

In terms of the smoking i used to smoke and dont have any problem with smokers but i know i would not be happy with LIly coming back smelling of smoke x

Im not sure that I would risk it either tbh.

I am wondering if deep down you are also thinking the same, having put it on here and asked us what we think rather than jumping at the opportunity.

She doesnt sound overly reliable, and I remember you saying a few weeks ago that you hadnt spoken because of the funeral. If she cant make a close relatives funeral because of a holiday, then she doesnt seem overly reliable to me and im not sure I would want her looking after my baby.

x

I also wouldn't risk it. I thought I knew and trusted someone really well and was all ready for them to look after bean - but I realised literally the day before that they weren't taking my concerns to heart or listening to instructions (they wouldn't even decide on a plan for the morning - drop-off/pick up) and were awol and not replying to texts the week before when I wanted to do a dry run. We decided that if that's what it was like before we'd even started then it could only be downhill from there. I'm pretty sure they saw their arse after that (got the hump!) as we went from very friendly to having texts and e-mails ignored. Still, it was the chance I was willing to take! If she wasn't prepared to take it seriously then I just couldn't trust her with my baby.

It's not easy but you have to think of how you'll feel once you're at work - are you happy that little one will be content, that she'll tell you asap of any problems, that you can contact her whenever needed etc.? Will she be expecting any payment at all? Are you confident and content and know of the people / places that she may expose him to? Also, as a complete aside, I think unless baby is looked after in their own home childcare is deemed 'illegal' unless with a registered childminder; although that's always under scrutiny http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/8279274.stm

Sorry - bit of a waffle, but good luck figuring out your options x

Is she a registered child minder?

If not then she isn't actually allowed to be paid to look after anyone's children while they work

It doesnt apply to your cousin as she is your relative - but she cant be paid either.

I hadnt even considered the whole legal side.

I can understand how its to encourage childminders to be registered/protects children but I think its ridiculous that friends who share chilcare with little or no financial gain get penalised. Was there not a case recently of 2 female police officers who job shared and nearly got charged with some wrong doing? They werent even paying eachother!

Yes that was slightly different though as they were minding each others children while the other was on shift

It does seem a faff, but its done for more than one reason, helps keep childminding 'safe' by making sure they have basic training and inspections as well as no criminal history, reduces the amount of cash in hand payments being made (it's the country that loses out when that's done as they don't pay their tax/nic but still use services that tax/nic pay for!)

Lets face it - without a criminal check you don't know what people have done! More than person has been caught out by trusting a friend and babies have suffered, so if this registration helps to minimise that then its worth it :-(

Also just to add - if you did pay her then you wouldn't get any help with childcare costs, which you might if you used a registered childminder. Mind you - they say 9/10 families get help with childcare costs....but I think its more like 3/10 from the people I know!

*wonders if posts have gone invisible*
snoop - the link about the wpc's is above?!

It's one of those things that sounds ridiculous so many people disregard it, but like Lisa said - it's in place for 100% the right reasons. Shame they can't make it clearer / more relevant though x

Sorry Grace I tend to skip links and jst read on. Great minds think alike

I know its all for the right reasons, but I still think that its not fair that I couldnt let my best friend of 10years who is a registered SW, working in a parenting assesment centre look after Caitlin a few afternoons a week.

heya i probably wouldn't go for it - but as you know i can sympathise with your dilemma, it might seem like an easier way of sorting it out but it sounds like it might be more hassle than you need when it will be quite a stressful time anyway just my two pennies

hun, why cant you get help with childcare costs, because you might be able too also my work do childcare vouchers, they take money out of wages beforehand so that its tax free or somehting.

but to be honest i've only ever trusted qualified peeps to look after rich, i mean in holidays she will have her own kids and your little one, would she cope.

i'd look at it if you can afford it look into the daycare, they get so much and with friends and family its hard to tell them not to do things that they do around your kids that you wouldnt want them to do around yours.

You could always try it out but keep an open mind, if your planning on putting him in daycare for one day a week then it's not like you'd have to find a nusery he will already have one, so it would just be increasing his hours, if it went pearshaped with your friend x

also forgot to mention Amy have you looked at any nurseries yet?, all round mine they wouldn't take Ava for one day , they would only offer a place for a minimum of two days (either half or full). might be worth your while looking into it first before making any decisions. x

Mine (well the one Caitlin is on waiting list for incase a job falls out of the sky ), does take LO's for one day a week, be it half or full. They offered me a space recntly and even though im not working I was tempted to take 1 morning session just to get her socialising/foot in the door so to speak. Couldnt justify £25 for an afternoon when im out of work though so turned it down.

Id be careful with the waiting list though, is there def space available? Caitlin has had her name down since 7 mths and a place only became available last week (8-9mths later). Even at that it was a mix of one full day, two afternoons and 2mornings so had I found a morning job it wouldnt have suited.In fact im not quite sure who it would have suited.

Maybe you could look into reg childminders in your area?

Thanks for the advice.

Clare - in answer t your question during the school holidays my aunty who is a nursery nurse gets the hols off so she will take over childcare then.

My friend is also Gavs cousin so i presume it would be ok to leeave him with her. Maybe i could just buy her a pressie once a month or summat?

Im going into work on friday to discuss options with my boss and then im gonna look at nurserys so i think ill get a clearer idea from there x