Hey ladies

I thought I would start this little group for all of us second time mummies (I know there are a few of us who have hatched now and a fair few who are pg for the second time). When I was pg with Hannah I had a lot of worries and concerns about things such as introducing a new baby to 'it's' siblings, how I would cope with two under two, how I would establish a routine, how to prevent jealousy between kids, how to split my time fairly between the two etc etc etc. I still have worries about some of these now, but it's hard to find support and diffiicult to know which section to post your questions in

I also found I had issues with my second pg and concerns about my second shot at labour that I felt a bit daft asking about tbh having done it all before but now I'm on the other side I can see how no two pgs and births are the same.

I will try to help where I can (from my limited experience) and Im sure all those other mummies with more than one will too

My biggest piece of advice for anybody pg and worrying is to try not to these little creatures are so unpredictable that no matter how you plan it and try to prepare for it they will probably be the opposite to what you thought and suprise you no end. Thomas is such a live wire and very clumsy that I envisaged him running into, falling on, throwing things at and generally damaging Hannah in everyway he could. However I have been so shocked and suprised at how he has taken to her and is so gentle and careful around her it's as if it's an instict within him to know she is delicate and to protect and help her. The first thing he did when I brought her home (before she was even out of her car seat) was to go over and lay his head on her and then offer her his ham sandwich in that instant a lot of my worries and fears about them together dissapeared and my heart literally melted

I would like to say that the best thing I have ever done in my life is having a child but it isn't, the best thing is having two! I am so much more happy, relaxed and content with my two children than I ever was when Thomas was my only one. I worried about EVERYTHING with Thomas and found myself getting very down and lonely (and bored tbh ). I now just take each day as it comes, deal with whatever it throws at me and then collapse when I have juggled them both to bed . It embarrases me to say that I didn't really enjoy being a mummy when Thomas was newborn and I feel very guilty about this, I did get better as he got older but now I have the two of them I feel so much more in love with them individually. Don't get me wrong I have always loved Thomas with every inch of me but somehow having the two of them and seeing them interact and knowing that whatever happens they will always have each other makes me insanely happy

I do however have the issue now, as Hannah become more and more alert and interactive everyday, that I feel mega guilty that Im not spending enough time with her because Thomas takes up my attention and the only time Hannah gets my full attention is at feed and change times. But then I feel that these things take up so much of my time I feel I should spend the time between with Thomas so he doesnt feel jealous/left out I can't win either way, I know that, but us mummies are just destined to feel guilty and on the odd occasion I don't - I feel guilty for not feeling guilty!!! . To all you mummies with more than one - how do you manage to split your time fairly and how on earth do you get ANYTHING done around the house????

xx

even though im still on 1, this is a great post. going form 1 baby to potentially more is most mums worry. i.e how will i feel, how will baby feel, finances etc xx

im really bad with housework, within the first half an hour of getting up i need to have hoovered, washed up and put a wash load on at least! i usually do this while kids just watch a lil tv.
Ditas 8 months now and its just starting to get easier - we can all play together, kind of lol, even tho braden doesn't get impressed with sharing his toys, but before then i would make sure dita woke half an hour earlier from her nap then braden so i had some time with her then and she also goes to bed an hour later so she gets special mummy and daddy time then.
I can't believe how well it went for me tho, both slept through from such early ages so it taes a lot of strain off!
x

Thank you Debs for this post!! I'm am mega worried about how Libby is going to with the new baby (although I'm now worried about step daughter as well ) I just hope she doesn't get too jealous, she will be 2yrs 5mths when this one arrives. I too worry about how I can split the time between the 2 of them, although I am very lucky in that Simon is finished work by lunchtime so while I'm on maternity leave I'm hoping he can give Libby the attention while I tend to the new baby.

How cute was Thomas though when you bought Hannah home? Bless him offering his sandwich xx

Aww what a nice topic. Hopefully I'll join you one day! (I want a ham sammich!).

I am on no 3 nearly! And although everything worked out last time with Jake taking everything in his stride at just under 3 yrs old when Aron arrived even with Aron being readmitted to hospital etc I am really worried about how they will both cope this time round, being that much older and Aron with his autism etc!

Xx

aww lovley post...i think my biggest worry was how can i possibly love another child as much as i do my son...but you do, your love doubles i love watching my boys play together and learn together, oliver loves his big bro to bits and laughes at him no matter what mood he's in im so glad i made the transition from 1 to 2 and now cnt wait to move onto number 3...3x the love

i also find it hard to believe how different two births can be...wasnt really nervous about my 2nd birth as my first wasnt too bad really(considering my 2nd anyway )but i know next time i wont be so confident, 3rd time lucky ehh...

i have never, not once seen any jelous behaviour in leo, i am so proud of how he adapted and how much of a big boy he has been, he chose his name(short listed of course )and chose his first outfits and a prezzie for him. he also got a prezzie from oliver...im just so proud as i was really worried how id cope spreading my time and attention equally, but its strange as you have different relationships with them...leo is my big boy and oliver is my baby(of course theyre both my babys and always will be) but leo loves being the big boy


i love my boys xxx

i have 3 and i love it! it doesnt take long to get into a routine that suits you, and once you do its, well i cant say its a doddle because id be lieing, but its just like having 1. i actually think having 2 babies is easier than haviing 1. strange i know but loads of people have said the same. with mine being quite close in age - 18 months and 22 months - my eldest 2 are into the same things so whatever we do we do together. wether its swimming, painting, reading, going to the park, just watching tv, anything we do we do as 1. and its amazing. i do my housework in bits throughout the day when the kids are pre occupied playing toghether by themselves or doing an actvity with dad or outside int he garden ill do my chorse in the kitchen where i will leave the back door open so i can still supervise. people make it out to be so much harder than it is. im not tryng to make out im super mum but i think i do a damn good job xx

Thanks for all the replies ladies. Just thought Id check in and see how we are all doing?

Not to scare anyone but I had the week from hell last week, lol! We were all tired after Hannah's christening (had to travel back home 120 miles and we did it all ourselves at my mums), the kids had some late nights and we were just generally exhausted from the travelling then Paul started his college course and exams so haven't really seen much of him for two weeks so it's been hard. When they are both screaming at the same time for no other reason than both being over tired it's soul destroying! I have never felt so close to cracking up in my life If I have learned one thing from this experience it's that when you get your kids into a decent routine - stick to it! took me a week to get everybody back on track but we are all great again now

A question for all you mummies of two or more out there:
Thomas loves Hannah to bits and is always trying to be nice to her. He brings her toys to play with (usually his biggest, heaviest bus or rideon car), he tries to share his dinner with her and yesterday she was crying because her bottle was running late (bad mummy!) so I came from the kitchen to find Thomas trying to 'sooth' her by forcing his dummy into her mouth and saying shhhhhh. Well obviously I can't have him dumping busses on her head, trying to feed her garlic bread or choking her on his big boy (unsterilised) dummys but I can see that he is just trying to be nice to her and share with her so how do I explain to him that he can't do these things without making him feel pushed out?

I do all I can to involve them both in everything we do, when me and Thomas are playing we bring Hannah over in her seat and let her hold one of Thomas's jigsaw shapes etc. When I am feeding Hannah, Thomas goes and gets me her 'medicine' (infacol) and muslins and he even wipes up sick bless him. He passes me nappies for her and 'magic cream' (sudocrem) at bum change and takes the dirty nappies to the bin . I want to carry on encouraging this type of behaviour but Thomas isn't at an age where he can understand that Hannah cant have his food etc.

xx

Brill post debs. Well as you know i had Lewis when harrison was 1 and thought it was going to be so hard having at the time 2 babies but its not been as bad as i thought tbh although Lewis is a totally diff baby to what H was he likes attention whereas H was quite happy to play on his own.

I think the biggest difficulty is going out and about with 2 and a double pram.

I cant wait till L is a bit older so they can play together. H hasnt really shown an jealousy and made me laugh the other day trying to put a bib on Lewis and trying to stick a bottle in his mouth. He calls him ssss as he cant really talk yet just makes the s sound.

I thought i could never love another child as much as H but i do. Just need to get Lewis sleeping through now as hes so random with his feeding. Feel a bit sad that hes growing up and wont be a baby for long x

!!!!!!!!

Im soo worried, I was worried when I 1st found out and now its getting nearer Im dreaming like mad about it, and waking up thinking about it.
Im so worried about how can I love someone else the same as I do her? Id do anything for her, but cant ever imagen thinking the same about someone else. Iv been told many times it just comes, but so hard to get my head around it.

SO worried also how am I going to cope? and how is Lillie? bed time is a pain at the moment, cant get her down and when i do she ends up in our bed in middle of the night. tried to tackle it but just cant win. Worried the baby will wake her in the night, even if shes in her own room, then I will be trying to put her nad the baby back to sleep. (worried about my sanity!!) doesnt help my mum has said to me 'em I dont think you know what youve let yourself in for' and just got off the phone to her now actualy and her telling she doesnt know how Im going to cope!! great gives me great hope! shes worried Il get PND as she did on her 2nd I think thats why.

I think Lillie be ok with the new baby, as shes good with other little babies around us, she passes them their toys or kisses them. so Im not tooo worried. but I am planning to BF, so Iam worried I wont have that one to one time like I did 1st time. Im tied down for 1/2 hour and cant run after her or she'l get jealous as she'l think im having cuddles with the baby.... I am really panicing about it all. and to top it OH isnt the most hands on with newborns. hes fab with her now.. but then I hope she doesnt thikn mummy doesnt lover her anymore... argh my head is going to explode!!

also....

I feel like at the moment im spoiling lillie, as I feel guilty she wont have all the attention soon. when I say spoiling mean, I let her sleep with us, she has alot of cuddles. anyone else did this? trouble is im shooting myself in the foot for later arnt I.

Aw Em I have the exact same worries as you!!! I'm petrified that when I'm BF Libby will feel pushed out, so much so that I'm contemplating formula, just so Simon can do some of the feeds. But then saying that Simon wasn't hands on with Libby when she was newborn, he hardly got involved and would sometimes go days without changing a nappy and I remember he even went a whole day sometimes without holding her but, like you're OH he's absolutely great with her now though. I wouldn't worry about PND (it's a bit mean of your mum to say that really), and I do think alot of it will come naturally - well I hope so anyway!!! xxx

Hey ladies

First of all don't worry about having enough love to go around - you wont share the love you'll double it . It was a major worry of mine too and you wont 'get it' till it happens but trust me - you wont have a problem loving the new baby as much as your first, if anything, you'll find you love them both even more.

My OH is exactly the same as you have described yours . I could probably count on two hands the number of Hannahs nappies he has changed up to now and although she has had a bath everyday since she was born, he has never done it. "she's too small, I'm scared I hurt her, My hands are too big I might drop her blah blah blah" yeah whatever - she is blummin 16lb 7 now - get over it! <Pmsl - went off on a little rant there! . However, again like you have described, he is fab with Thomas and takes him all over and does his food and nappies etc so I can sort Hannah out. Thomas doesn't seem to think I love him any less because of this, he is actually much more gentle, loving and cuddly since Hannah was born.

I will admit BF was hard work. The only advice I can give you is don't put too much pressure on yourself. If you feel you aren't coping there is no shame in giving formula. You can give as much bf as you like and yes it is 'good for baby' but it is no substitute for a happy and relaxed mummy. If you are stressed baby and toddler will both pick up on it and you will have a nightmare. I BF Hannah for 5 weeks but Paul was at home for the first 4 and it was hardwork but I coped. I lasted a week after he went back to work and finally decided to try her on a bottle. I can honestly say it was the best decision I made. Yes I felt guilty that I wasn't feeding her as long as I did Thomas but in the end it was the best decision for all 4 of us. Hannah has slept 6-7 hours at night since birth and 11-12 since 5 weeks so obviously to get enough milk during the day she fed every hour (ish) and it's just not possible to be constantly feeding when you have a toddler to look after as well. Some babies go longer between BF and you can establish a routine so it might be easier if yours are like this?

Thomas loves Hannah to bits but every now and then he will show little signs of jealousy. Nothing terrible, if I'm sat holding Hannah if she has fallen asleep in my arms he might drag her bouncer over and point at her and then at the chair and shout at me put put her down and play with him. Perfectly understandable - bless him. He also gets a bit upset if I have to stop playing with him to tend to Hannah but I will get him to bring her a toy etc and basically just keep interacting with him the whole time Im feeding/changing etc. We're good at multitasking us women - you'll soon become a master of one handed feeding baby whilst reading a book to your toddler . He also went through a little phase of throwing things at her , I noticed that it was always when I was on the phone or preoccupied by household stuff. It was more about getting my attention than wanting to hurt his sister, but he knows the best way to get my attention is to get too close to her. I tend to not answer the phone when they are both awake now anyway and have taught Thomas to help me with most jobs round the house so he always feels like Im playing with him even when Im getting things done.

Em it is completely understandable that you are "spoiling" Lily now before baby comes and there is nothing wrong with that but I would try to tackle the sleeping thing now coz once baby is in your room too and you are getting up to feed baby in the night you will disturb her and it will be very hard work for you. Hannah doesn't seem to disturb Thomas when he is sleeping/napping in his own room. It will be hard for you now but will take so much presure off when baby is born.

PND was a worry of mine too and there have been times when I have felt I'm losing the plot. Just make sure you talk to someone about it, don't worry that you are failing etc it's bloody hard work juggling two screaming children who both want feeding/changing/attention and not knowing where to turn first. Just learn to block out the screams and as long as they are safe it wont hurt them to shout for 5 minutes while you get your head in gear. If like me you don't have any 'real' friends who can relate to how you are feeling then get on here and let it all out. That's one of the reasons I started this thread - so we can all support each other when we feel like the world is coming to an end because both babies have a cold (my house is a complete snot fest at the mo ). I find it very hard when I'm tired and am not affraid to admit having had very little sleep this week I am not feeling like a great mummy right now!

Can't wait for all your babies to be here so you can understand what I mean about the extra love

xxx

thanks deb your giving me hope!!! and I mean that!!!
been so worried and its only now geting to me and suppose im thinking about it more as its going to happen soon!!! gone soooooooo fast this time around!!

I guess it will just come the love thing, Im sure it will. Just come back from seeing a friend and her LO and they think shes suffering with PND since havign her 2nd (doesnt help my fears hey haha) but she says its not the new baby setting it off, its her older LO whos 4. hes so jealous she finds she pushing him away. but guess its different when their older. hoping Lillie is a bit too young.

Just the sleep im worried about, I am a nightmare with little sleep I get so emotional (today being one) I feel like the worlds going to end somedays.

My OH is the same hes never bathed lillie EVER and him chaning a nappy I can also count on one hand. hes not too bad now I dont have to ask adn have a fight but still rarely does it, only if hes got her to him self (which is once in a blue moon) men hey!!! in a way quite nice to hear other people OH is the same, as somedays I could quite easily leave mine. as all my friends OHs are they do everything I do question where I have gone wrong.

THANK god for this post Debs! Il be in here all the time in 6 weeks!! haha x x

braden tries giving toys etc dita and i just do my best to say 'thank you' braden but she's too little for this and then take it away.
its hard, cos braden like tickles dita, but he almost sits on her at the same time, and as your littlest is getting older, dita just laughs and giggles while he is doing it so it's hardest to tell them no when bubs is laughing her head off!

I took dummy off braden a few months before dita came along so luckily didnt have to worry about that!

x

see taking the dummy off her is another thing I need to tackle.

Iv now got her off the bottle, but dummy dreading it.

but what should I be doing to 'prepare' her for the baby?? when putting the pushchair together lastnight I had her doll and was showing her where the baby goes. and shes 'helped' haha me put babies clothes away. or should I say pull it back out again

should I put the moses basket up now so it just doenst appear?? but worried she'l get use to putting stuff in there... so many questions

i would put the moses basket up, because if she does start putting things in there then you will be able to maybe drum it into her not to before baby comes, or at the very least be aware that its a problem so keep a closer eye on baby?
I put the bouncy chair in the room 3-4 weeks before dita came along so braden was used to seeing it, and knowing he wasn't allowed in it etc
x

well 2nd time mummies to be heres my first week as a mum of 2....


I love it, i have been blessed with 2 beautiful daughters and my worries have faded away.

Alice loves Edith so much, she just wants to kiss and cuddle her all the time, she has only once picked her dummy up (Alice only has hers at bed time), she tries to give it to Edith when she cries now

she doesnt appear to have too many jealousy issues, and i feel so much better not being pregnant that i can spend so much more time with her, i really felt like i neglected her toward the end of my PG.

Ediths crying hasnt woken Alice at night, which was a worry and if Edith has fed first thing i have left her in her moses basket and got up with Alice to spend some time with her before asking her if we should get 'baby' up.

I have been to playgroup this week with them (on my own) and since Edith was being passed around for cuddles again i was able to spend time with Alice and njoy it because i am not so fat!

she is obviously a little clumsy aroud her but thats to be expected.

I cant believe how much i love them both, i worried so much that i wouldnt love edith as much because i adored alice so much but i do and its amazing being mum to these 2 gorgeous girls.

i dont think i have articulated myself very well in this post i know what i wat to say but its not coming out properly.

the main thing is to say please try not to worry ladies, your 2nd babies will be loved just as much as your first born and you will all gel together in a way you never imagained possible!

awww jo glad things are going well!! and well done going to playgroup!!! crikey Im not planning leaving the house for weeks!! lol

im just hoping things work out like you!! sleeping is not becomming my new worry!! worried each will wake each other up. esp at nights really not looking forward to it.

but appart from that Im taking your word cant wait now!!!! in a way still cant believe its going to happen soon!!!

Brilliant post Debs!

I also worry that I wont love another baby as much as I love Aimee. I just simply cant imagine it, but I guess it just comes naturally.

Before I had her, I never imagined I would love somebody as much as I love Aimee.

Im not too worried about sleeping issues at night, as Aimee loves her bed and I doubt the baby will wake her up.

I am more concerned about my sleep, lol! I didnt have the 'newborn' bit with Aimee because of her being in hospital. I had to wake up every 3 hours for 2 weeks to express milk, but that was it, I didnt have to worry about an actual person.

So, having a newborn is going to be a whole new ball game this time around!

x

oooo I keep meaning to find this thread and post!
I would love it if things go smoothly, baby sleeps, no sibling rivalry, little disruption to bean...but can't see it happening.

Anyhoo - just wanted to ask, for now - was there anything you wish you had done when it was just you, OH & baby no.1? I.E. before baby no.2's arrival?

Also, when did you stop lifting or carrying your little one / toddler (if that applies age-wise, think it does to most on here )
I've limited how much I lift bean but still do - but not sure if I should be?!

Ta ladies xx

I was lifting Isla until the day I went into hospital to have her! No-one told me I couldnt and I was so scared of the section that I needed her cuddles!

TBH we have had very little 'disruption' to Islas routine since Jess arrived. She has woken Isla once in the night, but that was our fault (not dealing with colic quickly enough!)

The thing I am struggling emotionally with a bit is feeling like I only talk or interact with Jess if shes having a feed, then I put her straight back down because I have to deal with isla.....My mum said this is completely normal (she had 3 under 4), and that 2nd babies are not fussed as much because the first one 'demands' your time! It doesnt stop me feeling bad though.

All in all I love being a mummy to my beautiful girly babies!!!

i didnt stop lifting braden either - and after the section i was picking him up again a week later if not less!
and lisa i felt the exact same, i was feeding changing etc dita and then putting her back down to sleep so i could interact with braden, so i felt bad for dita, but it really soon changes, they get to about 4/5 months and you can no longer do that lol! Since ditas been about 6 months we all play together now which is nice and i actually do believe they get the same amount of attention.
x

Thats good to hear ^ Lisa & Niccsy, 'bout the lifting. I figure my body will tell me when not to (which is already does if I overdo it ) it's just so different from first time round, when you have the luxury of only thinking of yourself!

Lisa that sounds fab - with Isla not being disrupted - hope&pray for similar! Can't believe Dita's nearly 1 - it really does pass too quick. I'm not so impressed with the idea of bean turning 2 although will have a newborn to distract me I suppose!

Any ideas on the 'things to do with you,OH+1' before no.2 arrives? xx