Since deciding that I wanted children I always thought 2 but with 4-5 year age gap but since having Wil I am unconvinced that he will benefit from having a sibling. (there is also the selfish angle that I hated being pregnant and had a crappy birth and recovery with Wil).

Do you have siblings? If not, do you feel you have missed out? If you do what sort of relationship did you have as children/ now?

What about your own child/ children? How do you feel about the number of children you have and age gaps?

(not going to make any decisions but I was thinking about it again today and need more views to consider)

ive got 4 kids my eldest is 12 my nxt oldest is 9 2nd youngest is 7 and lacey my youngest is 16 months

I have 2 half-sisters who are 6 and 7 years younger than me. They did my nut in! Because they were younger I was meant to be the responsible one which I hated. Now they are 17 and 18 I feel like a second mother to them even my mum turns to me to help when she can't get through to them but all in all we do have a good relationship now.

Ollie is an only child in the week and then the youngest of 3 at the weekends I think he has the best of both worlds in some ways as he doesn't have to share his toys or his parents attention in the week but at the weekends he gets to act like a mental idiot with his brother and sister.

That's probably no help at all

ETA - My sisters have 14 months between them and are sooooo close, of course they bicker but you would think they were best friends rather than sisters. They are always writing each other lovely messages on facebook, lovely to read just makes me gutted that they don't write them to me too

As you know I had a sister, slightly older than me.

All I can say is I would NEVER choose to be an only child over having a sibling of similar age.

I don't think any 'real' only child can have a fully rounded view on having a sibling to grow up with as they never experienced it - so how can they know it wouldn't have been better with a sibling!?

I spent most of my childhood playing with Vikki..yet I have to spend my adulthood just me...and its horrible.

i am one of 4 , 2 have passed away and i loved having them as i grew up , yes we argued but none of us were treated any differently

i currently have 3 , i think the fact i grew up with siblings has massively influenced my decision to have a larger family , i personally couldnt imagine a child growing up on their own ,, my older 2 have a little gap between them and i love how close they are and how they have always had each other to play with ,, and argue at times lol !

I know where you are coming from here. As you know I did not plan to have children and although I could not be happier to have Lily I am not planning anymore. Like you I did not like being pregnant etc and selfishly I now feel that I am just starting to get back on track now that Lily is more independent. I am however faffing about whether it is 'bad' that she is an only child as i have a brother and always got on so well with him, it is not helped by the fact that friends who were only children do not want their child to be an only child.

I was considering having a rethink when Lily was 4 or 5 but to be honest the thought of starting all over again does not appeal and also I am knocking on a bit now age wise so it may not be that easy anyway! I was talking about this only yesterday with my friends (mix of whom have siblings and others dont) and some loved having siblings and others not!

It is a difficult one as I think of how i liked spending time with my bro (and laterly step bro's) but then I also think of people i know who spent most of their younger years fighting with brothers or sisters....

So I have been no help to you whatsoever but at least you know that you are not the only one considering these dilemmas!

I have a brother and tbh we have never got on from childhood and still dont. He would have been good as an only child as he needs attention still gets jealous of me )even though i have nothing to do with my family!)

But saying that my kids are 13, 11, 4 and 18 months.

They are a great bunch and there is no jealousy. Ok my oldest 2 argue a lot but they are very close in age and boy and girl so just normal, but generally they all love each other to death and do love spending time together.

I definitely feel they have all benefitted from having siblings. They are never lonely, there is always someone to play with, they all know how to share fantastically and in my opinion are more tolerant of other people as they are so used to being surrounded by others.

On the other hand i think there are probably benefits to only having 1 child, it costs less for a start lol.

I also think how you bring them up comes into play.

Whatever you decide i am sure it will be right decision for you and your family hun xxx

Im an only child and I really wish i wasnt. Im not saying my childhood was horrendous just at times I think I missed out.

Negatives about being an only child:

At times I wished I had company, or someone to play with eg toys like guess who/boardgames/walkie talkies were pointless to me. (My mum did play with me, dont get me wrong, just not as often as a bro or sis may have - then again they may have just broke my toys!!!) Even having another small person to learn from I think may have been useful, even learning healthy competiveness would have been good.

As an adult im becoming increasingly aware that if my mum needs care/help it will 100% be my responsibilty... whereas when my gran was ill my mum had her sis & to an extent her bro to help out practically/financially/emotionally...

I wish I had siblings to give caitlin a wider family circle. She has no aunts or uncles on my side which I dont think is ideal (though I am quite close to my cousins and I would class my cousins kids as her cousins and see them regulalry). If anything happened to me or Stuart I would have prefered a sister for her to live with than my mum or SIL. (morbid thinking sorry!)

Erm positives...

I suppose I benefited from 1-1 attention and didnt have to share bedtimes/cuddles etc

More money, eg even though we wernt well off I would have got less treats had their been a 2nd mouth to feed/clothe/get childminded.

I enjoy my own company. Eg I socialise well & do have friends, however im quite happy sitting in on my own. In fact if OH is about too much I can become irritated. I have friends that hate being alone but I feel quite content in myself and calm.

Overall I can see how having bro's/sis's may be annoying but I def want to have another one for Caitlins sake. It may back fire and they hate eachother though - in which case I guess they will have the option to ignore eachother as adults!

Id planned on starting ttc this months (meaning a 2-2.5yr age gap), however no im thinking about having a 3yr age gap and maybe ttc in the summer/autumn. I just feel that Caitlin is starting to settle a bit better and maybe being pg would be easier when she sleeping well and having a newborn when she fully potty trained/talking would be easier too. I dont think id want to have a much bigger age gap than 3-4yrs max as I d want them to be close. Though others iv spoke to say the closer the better as they are less likely to get jealous of new arrival.

Sorry for the essay! x

I have two sisters one is two years younger (becky) the other is 15 years younger (Molly)

When me and Becky were growing up we had a good relationship, yes we would fight every now and then but looking back I remember the good a whole lot more than the bad defiantly!
Now our friendship is brilliant! Couldn't be without her!

Mollys a completly different relationship, she's more a daughter figure than a sister but she's brilliant! And she's amazing with my boys! I'm trying to teach her things I wish I'd have known at her ago but she doesn't listen lol!

I always wanted more than one child, I just never thought I'd have less than two.
The way things turned out tommy was an only child until he was nearly 7, I wouldn't want to have a gap as big as that again as in reality the boys have nothing in common, and dont often play together for very long.

Lisa wrote:

I don't think any 'real' only child can have a fully rounded view on having a sibling to grow up with as they never experienced it - so how can they know it wouldn't have been better with a sibling!?

But the same could be said the other way round. How could some one with sibblings truly know what its like being an only child growing up, and that they may have been happier having 100% attention, more toys etc. (Id still have prefered siblings though!)

Sorry about your sis. My friend always said she would either have 1 or 3 kids never 2, as she though if one of the kids died it would be harder for the one left behind to cope with being an only child, aswell as losing a sibbling. I dont know if this makes sense to you. x

someone i know hated being one of 3 .,,, they were the middle child and hated it x

snoopy21 wrote:

Lisa wrote:

I don't think any 'real' only child can have a fully rounded view on having a sibling to grow up with as they never experienced it - so how can they know it wouldn't have been better with a sibling!?

But the same could be said the other way round. How could some one with sibblings truly know what its like being an only child growing up, and that they may have been happier having 100% attention, more toys etc. (Id still have prefered siblings though!)

Sorry about your sis. My friend always said she would either have 1 or 3 kids never 2, as she though if one of the kids died it would be harder for the one left behind to cope with being an only child, aswell as losing a sibbling. I dont know if this makes sense to you. x

what I mean is I was 18 when she died..so I experienced childhood and adulthood (well kinda an adult!) with a sibling...and now am an adult with no sibling....so I know which I'd choose...whereas an only child can never experience both to know which they'd pick.

Yeh I get exactly what you friend thinks..my mum said the same thing...they tried to have a baby about 7/8 years ago as my mum felt lost..then ended up fostering (to adopt) 'the devil' and that didnt work out...one of her biggest regrets was not having a 3rd.

Kell wrote:

The way things turned out tommy was an only child until he was nearly 7, I wouldn't want to have a gap as big as that again as in reality the boys have nothing in common, and dont often play together for very long.

See theres 7 years between my middle two and they are like best friends. They play together constantly and have everything in common xx

I'm an only child. It wasn't planned to be that way but unfortunately my Mum had a mc before me and lost my younger sister at 8 months.

When I was very young I remember wishing I had a sibling as I was a bit lonely but then as I got older I didn't miss them as I had my parents full attention and we did tons of exciting things that we wouldn't have been able to afford if I had siblings.

However since being an older teenager and especially since loosing my Dad when I was 22 I desperately wish I had a sibling. I'd love to have someone close who shared my memories.

Getting emotional now but not being able to provide Amelia with a full sibling is the major thing that upsets (ok devestates) me with my break up. I'd always planned for her to have at least another sibling about 2 years younger. x

I'm the youngest of 5, but with a large age gap, so experienced both being at home with lots of siblings, to them moving out and it being just me and my parents. There are ups and downs to being in a large family, I never got on with my eldest brother, because of the 12 years between us we had nothing in common as children and to this day we still don't get along, mainly because he's a twat. My sister and I fought a lot as children, but that changed when she reached 16 and we're best of friends now. I get along ok with my other brothers then and now but we're not very close. We didn't get individual attention much from our parents but thats made me more independant and self sufficient, we also didnt have much in the way of luxuries. When I hit my teens, there was just me left and life changed, i had more time with my parents, they had more money so I had school trips skiing and exotic holidays which my siblings didn't. I think siblings can enrich their lives if they're close in age as they can be friends

mara wrote:

Kell wrote:

The way things turned out tommy was an only child until he was nearly 7, I wouldn't want to have a gap as big as that again as in reality the boys have nothing in common, and dont often play together for very long.

See theres 7 years between my middle two and they are like best friends. They play together constantly and have everything in common xx

That's really good! Hopefully as Charlie grows up they will become closer! Fingers crossed!

I suppose this thread just shows there is positives and neagatives to all (though having a sibbling in the overall scheme of things seems to be winning).

Id say do what feels right for you Gill. Only children can be happy and well adjusted. I think im alright , have no problem making friends, and generally happy. My best friend of over 12 yrs has a brother and in ways we have became like sisters. We phone eachother regularly, help with childcare, call in a crisis, attend eachothers family functions. I know its not the same, but she's a good substitute!

LisaGandAmelia wrote:

Getting emotional now but not being able to provide Amelia with a full sibling is the major thing that upsets (ok devestates) me with my break up. I'd always planned for her to have at least another sibling about 2 years younger. x

Hun let me reassure you, when you do have another baby to another man, you wont see it as being Amelias half sibling. You will see them both as your kids and thats it.

I honestly never ever think my oldest 2 and youngest 2 arent full siblings, they are all mine so makes no difference.

And best of all Chel and Tom dont think it either. They are just their brothers full stop.

Massive hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

mara wrote:

LisaGandAmelia wrote:

Getting emotional now but not being able to provide Amelia with a full sibling is the major thing that upsets (ok devestates) me with my break up. I'd always planned for her to have at least another sibling about 2 years younger. x

Hun let me reassure you, when you do have another baby to another man, you wont see it as being Amelias half sibling. You will see them both as your kids and thats it.

I honestly never ever think my oldest 2 and youngest 2 arent full siblings, they are all mine so makes no difference.

And best of all Chel and Tom dont think it either. They are just their brothers full stop.

Massive hugs xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

100 % agree here ,,,, the boys dont see danielle has anything other than their sister regardless of having different father

I think thats true...bruva with anuva muva (actually thats not it...cos its the same mum and 3 different dads..so feck nows what he says but its summert like that!) is how Dan calls his bro, and he has a sister with another dad too...but they all grew up togther and have never thought of themselves as half of anything..in fact I doubt they even think of being half!

I agree with Mara LisaG. My parents split when I was 23 mths and my mum had another partner (well fiance) from I was 7-10. I begged her to have a baby when she was with him. It didnt even enter my head that it wouldnt be my 'full' brother or sister. In the end they split up anyway, and I dont think he wanted anymore kids.

When you meet someone else & have another baby you will feel exactly the same & amelia will adore them! (well as much as any sibblings adore eachother ).
I dont think blood matters as such (In some ways the fact that if daddys go on to have more kids with a new partner the kids can have no relationship whatsoever proves this even though they blood related). I think its who you live with/grow up seeing eg adoptive bro's & sis can be very close and no one in the house has any blood links at all. Hugs

Lisa I dont mean to offend dan by the dad example! I just meant people can have blood ties and never see eachother/have opportunity to bond. Obviously dan did see his brother regularly!

non taken! 2 of the 3 dads were/are shit dads and they turned out ok - dans included!

the only one thats decent is his 15 year old brothers dad who he lives with with his new Mrs and her daughter

I don't think of my sisters as half sisters and my stepkids don't think of Ollie as a half brother. I always refer to my sisters as just that (apart from in threads like this where it needs to be specified lol).

I've just realised my sister is actually my half sister (weve got different dads) it honestly never occured to me untill now