Mum came over tonight to see Caitlin. I told her about being annoyed by electric bill (£197 for 2mths), we chatted about ways to cut down on electric and where I could buy a meter box key 2moro to check the reading myself - all very calm & nice....

When she was leaving at the door she asked if we were ok for money. I laughed and said well Stuart was, he wasnt the one paying a £200 electric bill or having the car serviced and MOT'd next week. She frowned a bit and asked if I was into my overdraft (which is pre arranged, no fee's & interest free). I told her I was but nothing that I was worried about. She then demanded 'how much?' I refused to tell her (Im not actually sure of exact amount) and said it wasnt that much (its prob about £300 and my limit is £1000). I got told I was a - disgrace. I laughed and told her to grow up, she then fumed at me - 'no nicola, you grow up! You cant pay it back, this is terrible'. and stormed off over the grass to her car and slammed the door

Raaarrrr! I am an adult. I have never once asked her to lend me money. Why did she ask me with such concern to then blow up at me??? I think this is a legitimate time to be in an overdraft, I will prob be back out of it by next month - it is just after xmas fgs. I have no credit cards or store cards. That is my only debt and she is nearly in tears about it.

Am I missing something? I though debt was pretty normal and im not exactly spiralling out of control.

Do your parents/in laws nosey about finances? My MIL is the opposite, encouraging us to book holidays and stuff we cant afford.

I think you're in a blinking good position hun! She's being a total drama queen. It's far far better to be in your overdraft with those terms than have the money on a credit card. If this is your only debt then you're doing great!!!!! xxxx

eurrrghhh no and I would be peed if they did too!

My parents have lent us a fair amount (well not lent directly but last year we missed some rent when that company went bankrupt) ...so I kinda feel the need to be careful not to spend money where its not needed, but if my mum did say something, it would definitely be 100% concern, and more than likely to give me a cheque for something and tell me I have to send it!

Your mum is what is termed an interrogator. It is her way of controlling you. She asks lots of questions until you give her an answer that she can attack you for.

Next time she asks anything just calmly say 'stop interrogating me mum' and leave it at that. Give her a minute or two to respond then just start a conversation on a whole different topic.

My OH is an interrogator and I find not answering the questions and being drawn in, whatever the subject, is the only way to avoid the inevitable upset.

My parents wouldn't dream of asking me about money or me asking them. My relationship with my parents is very mature and I consider them to be my equals and have a purely adult relationship with them. OH has a habit of telling his parents more about our lives and finances than I am comfortable with (his family are a right bunch of gossips) and when I find out he has words are said.

My mum is constantly asking but thats because i am really reather crap with money and with out my parents we would be screwed since i lost my job they have paid a few bills for us when we havnt had the money.

just yesterday she paid my phonebill only £35 but still helped me out tonnes especially with gracie ill and marc on nights and now all the shit with ceejay i need my mobile so i can talk to one person and text another x

No im quite lucky with my mum they dont butt in and ask about money x I have a credit card which i occasionally use if i need to and she knows i use it but understands im old enough to know what im doing x
Your mum shudnt be so nosey its your business your a grownup now xx

i tell my mum about everything anyway and if ever i need money she will lend me and i always pay her back, before i had my son and got with oh she used to interfere, cause id get paid give her board money then id spend the rest but then id have no money till i got paid again but i was young and single then and had no responsibilities, and she would moan at me (u'll never have any money u) wot did i need it 4 then? clothes and drink lol, she no's ive changed now ive got responsibilities im a bit better with money, my mum knows wot ive got and i know wot she's got its our oh's that dont know wot we've got lol

Gill what you said is so true!!! Love the interrogating me line , only problem is mum would prob retort that she was my mum and entitled to do so... out of concern for caitlin Must try the changing the subject tact, usually I get drawn into a fight.

I do have a 10K student loan LisaG, but as im not working atm im not paying it back and maybe im silly but i have the attitude that it doesnt count. Im 26 and when I start work it will be taken out along with tax and not really a major deal.

My mum is very much someone who lives within their means, no credit card debt or overdraft (she worked in a bank previously and I think that scared her seeing debt getting out of control in short spaces of time). She could bail me out for a phone bill etc but she couldnt pay a months rent for me.

Anyway she phoned there and said she was just worried/upset & that she had imagined I was overdrawn by the full £1000. I just get peed off she doesnt see me as a responsible adult. She went home and looked at my e-bill for electric (I had given her my password before the 'row') and was able to tell me that they had estimated I used 1/3 more electric as it was winter, which wouldnt be true as I tumbe dry just as much in summer and havent used electric heaters. Hopefully my bill should be 30% less and they will either credit my account or give me a refund. She is useful for some things I guess ! Also when I told her about how much some of you pay for electric (she saw your response on FB Lisa) apparently you guys pay way less for electric in England, so my bills would be slightly higher. Before my new provider came on the scene last year NIE was the only company so no competition. Cant complain too much though as we dont pay for water, that seems weird to me!

Yeh we pay for everything lol!
Our house was £43 a month on water rates, but when I used the calculator online I over estimated what we use and it still said we'd pay less than £43 ...so I changed, but its costing us £25 a month more on the metre! Luckily they will let me go back within 30 days of this bill...so I best get my but in gear and change back!

To me it seems stupid paying for water - you need it to live! What are they going to do, cut it off and leave babies & kiddies without water because of their parents finances. We do pay for water in a way eg everyone contributes to it through rates etc (We also dont pay council tax here, just rates).

There's always talk of water charges being brought in over here but the NI assembly always argue against it due to us paying more for other things. It will happen eventually though- and i bet our rates dont go down!!

What are your total rates then? Council tax and water here = around £200 a month for our house...are your rates about that?

Frig no lol! That is utter crazy! Just hunted out my housing benefit form/private renter contract (im guessing it calculates rates the same way as private ownership) and they calculate that for every £100 you pay a week towards rent they allocate a further £12 for your rates. (My rent and rates come out in one payment to landlord of £500 pcm, so thats only £50pcm for rates - which includes water). I live in a 3 bed bungalow, with an extended kitchen.

That is crazy. I could say that you guys earn more £ in England, but guessing up north is similar to NI. Just checked my electric and I pay 12.3pence per unit, with NIE it was 14.31 pence per unit. How much cheaper is yours? (Sorry you prob dont want to check this stuff at 1am!) Im shocked at how pricey England is... surely your wages have to be higher than ours... how do you guys live!

We pay for water to come in to the house and we also pay for the water leaving the house too! Cheeky feckers aren't they!

Im so shocked by this! Paying for water to leave a house?! How on earth are people paying £500 rent, plus £200 council tax/water, plus electric, plus oil, plus food, plus petrol....

How do single households manage?

My leecy is on a duel rate,
Electricity
Normal units up to 900 kWhs per year
25.0635 pence
Normal units
9.45 pence per kWh

Gas
Normal units up to 2680 kWhs per year
6.5247 pence
Normal units
3.1584 pence per kWh

In the last 3 months we used 1,918 kWh of leccy (so 640/month), which on your flat rate tarrif would be £78.72
Its £68/month on our rate...so it is a bit more expensive in Ireland

snoopy21 wrote:

Im so shocked by this! Paying for water to leave a house?! How on earth are people paying £500 rent, plus £200 council tax/water, plus electric, plus oil, plus food, plus petrol....

How do single households manage?

well single people get 25% reduction on council tax..I have no idea if people who don't work have to pay?

Water is never reduced - they don't care what you earn! (as far as I know anyway)

Yup its crazy - our total outgoings each month are around £1050 before food/petrol/mot/car tax

Bless you for working that out Lisa. Still doesnt explain the huge discrepency in rates/water/council tax etc. Based on your usage its only £120 a year more we pay here.

I dont have gas. Our heating is oil, and I think our rates (prices for oil I mean) are cheaper than Engand, but still a blow to family budget at about £270 for 500l and needs filled 4-5 times a year.

Im starting to appreciate living in NI a bit more

Just thought id add - single people in England prob benefit from having a water meter.

Anyway, I better get to sleep & turn the lappy charger off and switch out the lamp. Saving the pennys

Yeh they probably do

haha Im just cleaning the kitchen before I go to bed!

We pay 87 a month for gas and leccy as paying off a debit, 22 for water, 600 for rent, 123 for council tax,12 fo the tv licence so without luxiries like sky tv or insurance (!) those alone are coming to 844pound a month. The you start adding on running costs for cars etc. We live in constant fear of one of us being out ofwork lol

People out of work get their council tax benefit paid for them Lisa.

My parents dont even ask us about money - we've owned our own home now for nearly 10 years with no problems paying the mortgage etc. They do know that I dont earn as much now as I did when I was full time so they do buy me a little pressie every so often like a new top because I havent spent any money one myself since Libby was born.

As for bills, we pay £52 a month on gas AND electric and £33 on water, I would say for our total outgoings are around £800 a month, but that includes Sky, internet, phone, mortgage, tv etc. etc. We are VERY lucky in that we have no debt whatsoever (well unless you count the mortgage then it would be alot of debt )

I do think that your mum was only showing concern for you hun, it sounds like shes only trying to help (with reducing your bills). I know it's frustrating as you're an adult but I know I will probably be the same with Libby and Dexter

Everything is ridiculously expensive! My parents never ask us about money and nor would OH's, they know that we both earn a reasonable wage so i suppose there is no reason for them to worry.

We dont have any debts apart from mortgage and i really want to keep it that way as i remember it taking me ages to pay off a credit card years ago.

I am shocked when i see how much people are charged for rent!! I thought it would be less. I own my house and the mortgage is under £600 (admittedly it was about £950 until the interest rates dropped so much) and I think the mortgage on OHs flat that he rents out is only about £300. I reckon with mortgage, utilities, council tax, home insurance etc our monthly total would be about £950. In addition to this we pay about £50 per month for sky, about £450 for cars and related expenses, £300 for Lilys nursery and obviously costs of food etc. It is scary to list it all down and see how much it comes to!!

I asked OH...he has it all detailed on his computer (he's an accountant and anal about all things money related)

Our outgoings on mortgage, gas, electric, water and council tax are about £1700 a month and £1300 that is our mortgage. It will be a lot more when the interest rates start rising again because we are on a really good tracker mortgage.

On top of that we have about £30 on Sky including the phone and broadband, £45 on mobiles, £700 on Wil's childcare, £50 on cleaner and far too much on diesel for our cars. Fortunately both cars are company cars so we don't have to pay for insurance, car tax etc.

We have everything screwed down as tight as we can (apart from the little luxuries of the cleaner, Sky and my iPhone contract) and OH is still always looking for cost savings. He even drives to deliberately increase the miles per gallon he gets to reduce diesel costs.