Hi ladies

I think it's time i make a decision. As you know we're on a trial till end of January and i've been doing a whole lot of soul searching and thinking. Trouble is i don't think he has even bothered.

He still isn't helping around the house. He was so good over the christmas and new year holiday and done a lot but then when he went back to work....zilch yet again. In the past 2 weeks he's made 1 breakfast and done 1 set of dishes (majority of them i had to do again as the were all greasy). He does help with Mia but hasn't been doing as much.

My request for advice is thus. I absolutely adore him and love him to bits but i can't live like this. I've been looking at jobs and houses back home and have seen a few that i could afford and would accept DSS. I really don't want to seperate but i don't feel like i can live with him.

Yesterday when i got up he'd spilled coffee on the sofa and not cleaned it up so now i'm gonna have to strip the covers off again and wash them. I asked him what it was, he said "coffee", i said "did you clean it", "nope" he said, I got annoyed and said "i take it that's my job then", "yeah" he said, I then told him "i'm not a bloody skivvy here to clean up after you. I'm not your f*ckin mother!!!!". He then said (about 10 minutes later) "you'r right, you're not my mother. Stop doing it for me i can do it myself".

He can do it himself so why don't he help????

I'm at a huge crossroadds and i'm stuck. I don't know what to do.

PLEASE HELP ME

Dee
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Well firstly how dare he spill something and not clear it up its not your job. I dont really know what to say i mean my oh's not great but he cooks for me and him everynight even after work and washes up very oftern but u dont seem happy atall hun do you think uld be happier if you moved out?x

Dee I'm sorry I don't really know what to advise! No one can really help you decide Hun,
It really sounds like you've had enough, I think you looking for a home and a job else where really speaks volumes.

I hope you figure things out xx

I do think i'd be happier if i moved out. I feel like the live in housekeeper, nanny, general skivvy and sex doll. I don't feel appreciated at all. Every time i broach the subject about helping me i just get "well i work". When i clean he says "do you want praise or thanks every time you clean the house?". I mean OMG i may not work at the moment but it's not for the want of trying to get a job. I've been applying to about 20 jobs every week sometimes more and not 1 reply.

He's the only one who makes all the mess and then just leaves it where it lies. If he'd tidy up after himself it would be a start at least.

Dee
x

Oh Dee I wish I could give some clear advice or answers. All I can suggest is that the only way you will know is by trying. If he sees in very real terms what life is like without you then it could be a catalyst for change - or confirmation that things can't work. The physical space will also help you have some brain space for your thoughts and to step back and weigh things up for you & Mia.

You don't need us to tell you that having a paid job doesn't define you or makes you 'worthwhile' - plus I very much suspect that even if you worked 9/5 7/days that he would still not do his fair share or appreciate all that you do on top of that.

It's not like you're jumping into anything irrationally, you've felt like this a long time and owe it to yourself and your wee one to try to press on and try a different tack - you're not happy at present but very much deserve to be!

Not an easy time for you but hope you can find a way forward soon. Take care xx

hugs dee, i know how you feel martin is the same does nothing then when you say something he takes the huff hope you can work out whats best for you xx

Bless you hun, it seems like you've got some hard decisions to make, all I can say is if you feel happier moving out but don't want to split up with him, mabye try living apart and see if you can get along better, or maybe go on a break. But before you do you need to lay down the law about Mia, he doesn't dictate where she goes like you have said he has done in the past by not letting you leave with her. Assure him that you aren't gonna stop him from seeing her and that you're not taking her away, you both just need your space.... Hope you're ok xxxxxxxx

I am really stuck. I just know if i suggest living apart for a while he won't like it and say we might as well split. x

dee,

as i said to you before he is being a twat.. like how long has this been going on for now?
as we talked about today. maybe insted of breaking up just move out for a bit.. n then see how he copes on his own.. but not to move back straight away when he comes crying for you back..

you can not go on like this nay more. its making you unhappy n i know youve felt like this for a while xx

Sounds like you need some time apart whether thats for good or just to see what he's missing, good luck with whatever you decide hun x

I don't know what to say hun! I'm starting to think that some men are just useless. My oh is lovely, caring, a hard worker but he's does feck all around the house even though I work 3 days per week. I can and do scream like a witch at him and after my tantrums he's a bit better for a day or two. He does respect me though and is always very apologetic but deep down I know he'll never change and just have to accept this (and I will)!

Maybe yours is different, I hope he is!

So sorry I can't suggest anything.

xx

This is a difficult one. It is really frustrating to feel taken for granted and unappreciated, but i think there is a point where you need to think doing more than your fair share of jobs is worthwhile being with the man you adore, or just have to leave. It doesn't sound like he is going to change.

I know when i was on maternity leave i began to feel like i didn't have much purpose and housework, etc was 'my' job, but i would say i do probably just about as much now even though i am back at work 3 days a week but it doesn't bother me because i have my own time and money as well. I know my DH works longer hours than me plus studies, and he does do some of the horrid DIY jobs, so i try not to let it get to me.

I hope you can find a solution or a way of making things work if that is what you really want x x x

BabyMilly wrote:

I don't know what to say hun! I'm starting to think that some men are just useless. My oh is lovely, caring, a hard worker but he's does feck all around the house even though I work 3 days per week. I can and do scream like a witch at him and after my tantrums he's a bit better for a day or two. He does respect me though and is always very apologetic but deep down I know he'll never change and just have to accept this (and I will)!

Maybe yours is different, I hope he is!

So sorry I can't suggest anything.

xx

Mine's the same. He gets better and lovey for a day or two then back again. Just seems to end up going round in circles.

Dee
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