Hiya ladies

After yet another arguement i've been told that loads of women would give their right arm to be in my position. As in being at home with the kids whilst their bloke went out and worked. This includes and i quote " doing it all in the house, caring for their bloke, have a dinner made for him when he comes in, bringing up the kids, and tending to his needs"

Here's a poll for you all. You don't have to write anything if you don't want to. Just please please please vote in the poll.

This statement seriously p*ssed me off.

Dee
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Yeah I would feel very grateful to be given the chance to cook, clean and generally look after your man child.................NOT! The cheek of him!

I think a mum generally is very lucky to be able to stay home with their children......

BUT, and its a big BUT

Not with a pre-historic neanderthol of a man!!!!!

My husband cooks, cleans, does night feeds, plays with the children, tidies the garden, does the washing, and generally is a supportive wonderful man.

We BOTH work, and share all roles!

This message is aimed directly at your 'man' , and not you Dee.....so therfore NO, i would not swap into your situation for all the tea in china xxx

I'm in your position, I was thinking about this the other day.
I don't feel I do enough and I put alot of pressure on myself to do all the things I think my oh should expect.
He works two jobs and I am studying in the evenings and a sahm the rest of the time.
Now I have little motivation to do the cleaning and chores because let's be honest it's boring and you start to resent that you do everything.

What annoys me the most about the whole thing is the lack of respect that comes along with it. My oh in the past has said things like 'it's your job' etc and that is where I've flipped! If there was ever praise or motivation involved in my 'job' I'd be a hell of a lot more inclined to do things but the view of this job is that it is expected!
Would he work for nothing? Does he ever ask for help at work? I'm pretty sure I know the answers!

My oh isn't a complete sexist pig btw when he has said these things it's been as a joke but I have taken them as an attack on me so he's learnt not to say stupid things now!

I don't know what I'm trying to say really, sorry I've just tried to relate to you a bit. I asked my oh to leave last year and he did, we were living a part for a long time, he realises what I do now and does help when pushed. He is much much better with Charlie which is a big help.

I guess in answer to your question no I wouldn't want to be in your position exactly, because your oh take you for granted and doesn't respect you and is ungreatful of the things you do.

I'd love to be at home with Arwyn and be kept by my man but not to be his personal slave!!

That's only 1 bombshell statement i've had over the past 4 weeks.

I've had
- Why do i need to iron my shirts when i've got you to do that for me
- I can see why men get a bit on the side (we now have sex every 2 days instead of him pestering me for sex ALL the time and wanting it every day)
- I can walk away from this relationship with my head held high knowing i've done everything i could to make it work
- when i'm off do i have to do everything (cause i leave him to tend to mia on his days off, it's the only time she sees him)
- it's not that hard looking after mia all day (yeah he hasn't taken care of her for 5 days on his own when she's clingy, sick and crying)

etc....

Dee
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Who the hell does he think he is like

That's what i've been thinking lately lol x

GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN/PIG!!!

Kell wrote:

GET AWAY FROM THIS MAN/PIG!!!

Hmmmm, this is quite a hard one.

I think it is kind of 'expected' that if you are a SAHM that you do the extra things like ironing, cleaning, cooking, etc. Im not saying its right, but up until recent years, it is how it has always been.

There are loads of new age men out there who are happy to come home and cook after working all day, but there are also many (including yours) who arent.

I think the issue here is either, he has changed, or you have. Has he always been like this, but just recently with things being strained between you, you are seeing it more and its getting on your nerves more?

x

Sorry dee I mean it in the nicest possible way, I know you can't see it. When was the last time he made you happy? Complimented you or thanked you for anything. I just wanna shake him!

Nah Laura it's always been something that's bugged me. I resent the fact that i have to pick up after him and that he never cleans anything at all. Doesn't even do dishes even though he makes the mess. What's wrong with helping? It's his house after all not mine.

Kell - he does compliment me but i've not been happy for a while. I never feel appreciated for what i do. All i get told is what he does. It's like my efforts don't matter.

My last bf was a chef and worked about 70hrs a week and still cleaned the house from top to bottom and cooked nice meals. There's really no excuse for doing nothing.

Dee
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I do see your point Dee, but your ex must have been a star to do all of that.

My OH does iron his shirts and does cook meals, but that is only since Lily was born.

I think most men are pretty useless at doing stuff until they are nagged to death about it. My OH took a lot of training as he came from his parents house, where he used to phone his mum from his bedroom to make him breakfast!

x

its a tricky one in general - not specifically your position dee (he sounds like a total arse ) i think i am really lucky to be at home with the baby just now and i suppose in return for that i do most of the housework etc in return - it isn't the same at all though because it isnt 'expected' of me (i expect it of myself if you see what i mean) and i do get help if hubby is home and i need an hour off/really can't be arsed doing the laundry AGAIN haha, so the position is quite good - your specific position is not so good.

maybe the problem isn't the position - it's the person you are in it with!

i would love to be a sahm...but i think he is being a total pig about it you are lucky in the sense that you can saty at home and watch your babies grow...but i think he talks to you like a slave and a peice of shit tbh...so if he doesnt want to watch mia on his day off for a while, then when the hell is your day off?? you dont get a day off like most mums!, he needs a good kick up the arse and learn to apreciate what you do, not take it for granted xx

I say yes and no.

I agree with laura that the person who stays at home does majority of the housework but thats not to say they have to do everything. its mind numbing being at home all the time sometimes so for your oh to do a bit of it on his days off is not asking much.

when I was at home I did the lot and honestly didnt mind one bit. but it was so nice when oh had a day off because he gave me a long lie, did everything with hannah all day and cooked a lovely meal plus meals for us for the days he wouldnt be at home. it worked very well. we had a bit of an issue when I returned to work just simply because Id did everything to that point it took my oh a bit of getting used to as we both needed to do a fair share of work in the house. but now we take turns in tackling the ironing pile. take turns bathing hannah, doing dishes etc. I still do more but only because I want it done properly

you need to be shown some respect. how you can stand to have sex with him at all after that comment is beyond me! I hope your ok. give me a text if you need to rant!
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Thanks gem and steph. I honestly don't know how or why i put up with it.He thinks he's perfectly right to say these things. I mean ffs!!! He said "what would you do if i got someone else for sex?" i told him i wouldn't be herre then told him if he wants to do that to tell me now. I think his sex drives way to high to be normal as it is. He's like a nympho.

Sorry i keep ranting ladies but it does my head in the way i'm just expected to do EVERYTHING!!!

Dee
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I say yes and no. I'm a SAHM and I love it, I feel so, so lucky but what I do is not "expected" if I can't mop the floors one day hubby doesn't mind as he knows it will get done eventually. Hubby washes the dishes and deals with Drew at night time (not that he wakes up much now)

If my hubby spoke to me in such a manner as to I'm his skivvy or his personal slave he'd be out on his ear and back with living with his mother. If he wants to be mummied then go live with mummy. (((HUGZ))) xxxxxxxx

His whole statement isn't a problem for me - that is the usual role of a housewife and a role I don't mind doing in the slightest in exchange for not working, I see it as my role.

The bit that pees me off about what he says is 'caring for their bloke' - to me this means he thinks you should do EVERYTHING for him....which is bullshit and the problem I have with Dan - he think sI should do it all which is out of order.

So I vote NO, although I am in the situation now lol

lol dilly. I've repeatedly told him im not his mother.

Lisa - that's my point exactly. I don't see why i have to do everything (as in for him, mia me and the house)

x

Dan and I had serious words, and decided that things have to change..and until he moves out (not going to be mid March due to stupid broadband) he has to a) clear up any mess he makes which mainly means kitchen when he cooks, and hair etc in the bath or from beard trimming b) keep the house tidy - if he is looking after Izzy he needs to tidy the toys after etc c) help with general stuff like the garden which he has never done

I said I do not expect you to do the 'housework' but I expect you to tidy mess you make and mess that happens when Izzy is playing etc

I am hoping that when he moves out to his mums he will realise how much i do for him...but I have said when he does move back after 'the break' he is going to carry on working from his mums because him being here all day drives me bonkers

Dee in my house its me that goes out to work and oh who is the sahd so i can tell you how it is at our house, i work 3 long days a week 14 hour days, when im at work oh does general day to day stuff like washing, cleaning kitchen and tidying up. Then once a week harry goes off with granny for a few hours then we both blitz the house, we do at least one family day a week, but oh would arrange to do stuff with his mates if given half the chance. I do my ironing & harrys, i dont do oh coz i dont. I used to do everything when on mat leave but i dont now as im working, i dont expect oh to do it all but i expect to come home at 10 at nite to a tidy house and a cup of t.

I envy you being a sahm, but think ur oh expects too much and should treat you with a bit more respect. Perhaps u should leave him with the lo & the housework and plan a girly day & see how he copes x

Even when i have went out for the day and he's had Mia, he doesn't do anything in the house. He sits with a whisky in his hand if he's stayin in (which is another issue i have with him). If he's going out he takes her out all day (often doesn't put a coat on her as he thinks a jumper is enough so she freezes).

Last time i asked him to do stuff when i went out it didn't get done because he was "busy with Mia". He can't multi-task.

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Then he shouldnt expect you to! Pot & kettle!