Ellie has never been easy! But I honestly feel that she is out of control now and I know I'm not doing a good job with her (FFS I'm 43 and this is my 3rd child)!!! She's a brat. If she doesnt get her own way she screams and screams as loud as she can and is so embarrassing and instead of us ignoring we get so so embarrassed that we try to pacify her and shut her up.

For instance today - we took her to Frankie and Bennys for tea, she didnt want to eat, she wanted a balloon. So oh gets her a balloon - But noooo Ellie wants a red balloon, so oh gets her a red balloon, but nooooo Ellie wants the other red balloon so again we get it just to shut her up as she's jumping up and down unconsolable becuase she doesnt the exact balloon she wants. Anyway the balloon she wants she can't have because its firmly in the hand of another child and though we do usually jump to her every whim even we are above taking balloons of other kids!!!! So the whole restaurant is looking at her and us so we get her ice-cream - yes I know she needs her arse kicking and not ice-cream!! But this is were we are going wrong, she controls us and we do as she wants us to do!

Anyway, my problem is we are going away on Wednesday, she is under two so doesnt get a seat on the plane so I'm going to have her screaming and kicking for over four hours on my knee.

I have created a monster. Is it too late to sort her out? I honestly feel like a failure and I need the help of supernanny!!

she's not even 2 it definitely isn't too late to sort it out!!!! but i don't know how cos i think i am in the middle of creating a very similar type of monster

check this out! http://www.supernanny.co.uk/

try this one, i like elizabeth pantley she wrote a nice book about sleep
http://www.supernanny.co.uk/Advice/-/Parenting-Skills/-/Discipline-and-Reward/How-to-Prevent-Tantrums-.aspx

Oh honey, you are not a failure!!!! She is a beautiful, lovely, spirited little girl. This age is a funny time, and you are not the only one to try and pacify her by giving her what she wants - we all do it to some extent. Isla can be a little madam. All through lunch today she shouted at me that she wanted a biscuit, she was beside herself as we said she must eat some of her cheese. Steve ended up getting her down from the table and letting her go off to have a tantrum in the other room. She finally came back and ate the cheese before tucking into the biscuit. This was fine because we were at home, but when we are out it is more difficult to let them tantrum. Immy threw a corker at the school summer fete yesterday too, because she was safe though i was able to walk off and leave her to calm down. She started screaming when her time was up on the bouncy castle, and threw her shoes around and refused to move. BRAT ALERT! They all do it, and you are not bad parents. For the holiday/plane i'm sure with all the distractions and lots of attention from strangers she will be fine. It is worth starting to stand up to her a bit more NOW, they are still learning how to manipulate us, so can easily be taught that we are the boss, not them.

The fact that Ellie is so gorgeous, and she is the youngest, only baby in the family now, means that she will be spoilt by you all, it's not something to feel guilty about.

I hope you have a fantastic holiday. I'm sure she will surprise you x x x

Pen, you are a fab mummy! We just have strong willed little girls, Isla has days exactly like that!!!

Just like you, we try to pacify her, and we know were not helping, but its so bloody difficult. Isla is going through a stage of wanting everything Jess has, the poor little mite never gets anything because Isla is so flamin demanding.

Will be watching this post with interest, and im sending you a hug

Thanks Mari

I've just had a quick look and it looks like good stuff.

OH and I are going to read it properly tomorrow.

But for now we're stressed pissed off and off to bed - with our heads in our hands because we are fecking failures!

Sorry Lisa and Fran

Thanks for the reassurance

xx

One thing you might want to try is doing 'deals' with her...I think she is old enough to understand that now.

What I do if Izzy is stropping over not getting something is tell her that if she does what I am asking she will get what she wants later/in a minute/whatever - you always have to follow through and make sure you only offer things that you would anyway (i.e don't say she can have icecream unless she was going to get it anyway...they don't need to know you were going to give it to them!)

For example if Izzy is being naughty going to bed for her nap and we are going to see my mum later I will ask her if she wants to go and see Granny, and she says yes, so I say well you better go to sleep and then when you wake up we will go to see Granny, but if you don't go to sleep we cant go.

So in the restaurant I would have told her firmly that if she sits nicely and eats her dinner she can have a balloon after, then ask her if she wants the balloon...she says yes so you repeat that she needs to sit nice and eat her dinner and then she can have the balloon! You may need to remind her that she agreed to sit nice and would be rewarded with a balloon...best to 'practice' at home though so when you next go out she understands how it works!

Once they have got what they want a few times they realise its better to do as mummy says so they get what it was they wanted!

It is kind of giving in to their demands - but who cares - I get what I want - she gets what she wants (within reason!) and everyone is happy!

Of course there will always be strops when you refuse to give them what it is they want, but I try to change the subject and offer something else, make it sound interesting and fun etc etc and hopefully they forget about the other thing...

You aren't a bad parent though Pen, they are sent to test us! Izzy drove me up the wall the other day and the first time in over 2 years I lost the plot with her she was so naughty I shouted so much at her and she got really upset and then clung onto me and made me feel really awful...I REALLY shouted at her.

One thing your not is a failure Pen!! Its completely natural to give in to them and want to pacify them instead of telling them off, especially at this age! We have all given in at some point for a quiet life.

I have to say i am an ignorer, i totally ignor the tantrums even in public! I know it can be really embarrassing when they tantrum in public but i just ignore it and carry on as normal.

As for what people think, stuff them, especially in family restraunts and such places, if people dont want to hear crying kids then dont go to family environments! As for the plane, well i feel your pain as Archie once cried and screamed all the way to Gran Canaria (4 1/2 hours ) sat on my knee. I literally focused on him and tried not to worry about everyone else, and the stewardesses were lovely about it.

You said yourself you know exactly what you need to do but putting into practice is so hard.

Massive hugs hun xxx

Its horrible when they are like this isnt it?

Aimee is normally very well behaved when we go out, apart from when we go shopping. To the point where we simply wont take her anymore. Its too stressful for all of us, so I do it on my own now.

If she has a tantrum at home, I am quite strict with her and I offer her a chance to calm down, if she doesnt, I put her on the naughty step, if she carries on, then I put her in her room until she calms down. It does seem to work and she says she is sorry.

x